Michael Buckley - Once upon a crime

Sinbad took out his binoculars again and peered through the lenses. "We're close enough to see the faces of the mongrels now." He handed the binoculars to Hamstead, who took a peek as well.

"Uh, those aren't pirates," Hamstead said. "They're wearing suits and ties."

Sabrina snatched the binoculars out of his hand and saw that Hamstead was right. The approaching boat wasn't a pirate ship at all but a yacht. Its passengers were wearing black tuxedos and seemed to be sipping cocktails between cannon shots.

"Is this a joke?" Sabrina said, yanking on Sinbad's sleeve.

"What do you mean?" the roguish sailor said.

"Those aren't pirates. They look like they work on Wall Street."

"What's the difference?" Bess asked.

Just then, the bridge above exploded. A cannonball had smacked into it, sending wood and glass in all directions. The two men steering the boat had jumped to safety at the last second.

Sinbad shouted to his men. "They're coming alongside! Let's show them what we're all about, praise be."

The men cheered, and when the "pirate" boat was close enough, Sinbad leapt onto it and started fighting a man wearing a three-piece suit who was brandishing a nasty-looking dagger. The two fought fiercely, their blades slashing through the air. Several of the pirates, who were also very well dressed, mimicked Sinbad's bravery and jumped from the yacht onto the ferryboat. Sinbad's crew charged them, and a savage battle began. In no time, the family found themselves in the midst of clanging blades and shooting sparks.

Mr. Canis snatched up Sabrina and Daphne, and led Granny and Moth through the melee, doing his best to avoid getting slashed himself. Puck's cocoon floated close behind, missing several near punctures. Hamstead and Bess followed, and together they all raced down a flight of steps that led into the boat's hull. Unfortunately, they were followed by an ugly brute with a wicked scar running from the tip of his right eye to the edge of his lip. He was dressed as well as the other pirates but his clothing didn't lend him any charm. He roared at the family, and Canis roared back. The pirate stood there for a moment, apparently trying to understand who or what Canis was, and then ran back up the steps.

"The rest of you stay down here and hide. I should go and see if I can be of some help," Mr. Canis said.

"Me, too," Hamstead added.

"Ernest, be careful," Bess said, squeezing his pink hand. In a flash, the two men were back up the steps and gone from view.

"You heard him, girls," Relda said. "Keep safe and keep moving."

They ran through the boat, looking for a safe nook to scurry into, but the boat was completely overrun by pirates. A wave of them stampeded down the steps and cornered the women.

"Hostages!" one of them exclaimed as he licked his blade.

The rest laughed.

"Take ' em to Silver," the first man shouted, and the pirates rushed at the women. Daphne kicked one in the shin and he fell to the floor in pain. Granny smacked another with her heavy handbag and split his lip open. Bess and Moth threw punches. Sabrina, on the other hand, was quickly grabbed around the neck, but she instinctively jammed her elbow into her attacker's belly. The rogue bent over as the wind flew out of him and he dropped his sword. Daphne snatched it off the floor and smacked him in the behind with the flat of the blade. It didn't do any permanent damage but from the groan the pirate uttered, it had obviously stung. Moth took a life preserver off the wall and brought it crashing down on the man's head. He fell to the floor unconscious.

Much to Sabrina's surprise, the pirates broke off their assault and backed away before rushing up the steps and disappearing.

"We make a pretty good team, don't we, ladies?" Bess crowed.

But they had only a minute to celebrate. The pirates returned with reinforcements. They managed to grab Sabrina, Daphne, and Moth, hauling the girls up onto the deck and then hoisting them over the side of the ship, where each landed unceremoniously on the deck of the yacht. Puck's cocoon, never far from Sabrina, floated after them. Seconds later all of the pirates were off the ferry and back on their own boat, which zipped across the river, leaving Sinbad, his crew, Granny Relda, Mr. Canis, Mr. Hamstead, and Bess far behind.

"The harbor belongs to Silver!" one of the pirates bellowed toward the ferry, causing all the rogues to cheer and raise their swords in the air. Many of them broke into song and danced little jigs. The girls didn't get to see much of this gloating. They were dragged roughly down a flight of steps toward the belly of the yacht.

"Get your hands off me, filth," Moth demanded. "I am a princess of the royal court."

"Listen, fairy," one of the pirates said in a thick English accent. "Get yourself through that door."

"And if I don't?" she said.

"Then you're going to miss the party," the other pirate said.

He opened the door and Sabrina gawked at what she saw inside. There were dozens of well-dressed men and women on a small dance floor in the center of the room. A disc jockey was spinning records and a glittery disco ball was flashing light around the room. Several of the dancers were gathered around a limbo pole near a banner that read HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE AT SILVER AND HAWKINS!

"What is this?" Sabrina asked.

"It's our firm's Christmas Party," the pirate replied.

"What?" the girls said in unison.

A tall gray-haired man hobbled over to them. He had a parrot on his shoulder and walked with a cane. He set down his drink and extended his hand to the captives, but none of them took it.

"So good of you to join us. I'm John Silver," he said.

Sabrina and the others said nothing.

"As in Long John Silver," he continued.

Still, the girls were silent.

"As in

Treasure Island, documented by Robert Louis Stevenson," Silver said proudly.

"You're the bad guy then?" Daphne asked. "I've seen the movie about you. You're not very nice."

"Everyone has seen that lousy movie. Doesn't anyone read anymore?" the pirate asked with a scowl. "The book really captures more of my complexities."

The pirates roared with laughter.

"Aren't you supposed to have a peg leg?" the little girl asked. Silver lifted his pant cuff to reveal a prosthetic leg. "This one here is the latest model."

"You'll regret this, pirate," Moth seethed. The crowd booed.

"Pirate is such an ugly word," Silver explained. "Pirates are criminals. This is the twenty-first century. We've traded in doubloons and treasure for stocks and bonds."

The parrot squawked. "Buy low, sell high!"

"Then why did you attack us?" Sabrina asked.

"Money, little lady, money. Controlling the ports is a lucrative business, especially now that Oberon isn't around to stop us. The king extorted a lot of money from us. Now we've got an opportunity to get it back."

"So, you shot cannons at the Staten Island Ferry over turf? Aren't you worried that someone is going to notice?" Sabrina said.

"Kid, they may call New York the city that never sleeps but they should call it the city that never notices. We could sail up the East River and attack the mayor's mansion and I doubt it would even make the papers."

"Well, then, we don't want to get in the way of your little party. Why don't you drop us off at the dock and we'll let you get back to your fun," Sabrina said.

The crowd erupted into laughter.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Silver said. "You see, you're not exactly guests, you're hostages."

"What does hostages mean?" Daphne asked.

"It means we're prisoners he's going to use to bargain with," Sabrina said.

"We're selling you to the highest bidder. The children of Veronica Grimm have to be worth something, not to mention a princess of the royal court to sweeten the pot. Friends, we're going to get one enormous holiday bonus!"