Robert Goddard - Borrowed Time

“But not served or eaten. Not yet.”

I drove straight home from Broadhalfpenny Down and telephoned Bella. But she wasn’t in. Instead, Sir Keith came on the line.

“Anything I can do for you, Robin?”

“I don’t think so. I wanted to talk to Bella about the Bushranger bid.”

“Ah yes. Your brother told us all about it. Seems a neat way out of the hole you’ve dug yourselves into. Bella certainly seems to think so.”

“Does she?”

“I suppose you’re mightily relieved.”

“Not exactly.”

“You should be. Salvation of this order doesn’t often present itself. I’m glad you called, by the way. My solicitor tells me that TV programme Benefit of the Doubt is going to take a sceptical look at Naylor’s conviction. Have you heard anything from the producers?”

“No,” I heard myself lie. “Not a thing.”

“Well, if you do-”

“I’ll know what to tell them.”

Looking back, I can see why it happened. My anger at the probable demise of Timariot & Small and my frustration at being unable to do anything to prevent it had to find an outlet. I didn’t think it through on a conscious level. I didn’t plan to lash out at Bella by upsetting her husband’s cosy assumptions. But that’s what I did. I’d spent a couple of hours at Greenhayes, drinking scotch and watching the rain sheet across the garden, when Seymour and his cameraman arrived, dead on time, at six o’clock. I’d worked up a fine head of resentment by then. Resentment of the greed that had dragged down Timariot & Small; of the ease with which Adrian and the rest seemed able to turn their backs on the labour of four generations; of the readiness I and others had displayed to mould the memory of Louise Paxton to fit our requirements. The ends seemed to have justified the means once too often. I wanted to give honour and tradition a solitary triumph over commercial expediency; honesty and sincerity a single victory to savour. I wanted to speak my mind without tailoring my words to their audience and my thoughts to their results. I wanted my own blinkered form of justice. And Nick Seymour gave me the chance to have it.

I’d expected to dislike him. In the event, his self-deprecating humour and affable manner won me over. He had wit and patience. The wit to see I was in the mood to talk. And the patience to let me. He had a long list of questions to ask. I saw them typed out on a sheet of paper in his hand. But he didn’t need to reel them off. I answered them without prompting. I tried-for the very first time-to describe my meeting with Louise Paxton fully and accurately. I had enough sense not to contradict or withdraw anything I’d said in court. But I also had enough courage-or stupidity or recklessness or all three rolled together-to try to define what it was that had lodged in my mind after our fleeting encounter on Hergest Ridge.

After Seymour had gone, evidently pleased with the material he’d got on tape, I couldn’t remember exactly what I’d said to him. Not every word and inflection. I certainly couldn’t imagine how it would look and sound on television several weeks down the road. And I didn’t much care. Not at the time. It was sufficient to have unburdened myself. To have told it as it really was. Or as it had seemed to be that day. Recalled at last. Without distortion or evasion. Without fear of whatever the consequences might be.

I poured myself another drink and toasted the fragile truth that was all I could throw back at Bella and Sir Keith and my hard-hearted siblings. I’d paid my dues to Louise Paxton. Late but in full. I’d cleared my debts. Now I was free to remind others of theirs.

Sentimental appeals proved even less effective than recriminatory arguments. I tried both over the next couple of weeks without making the slightest impact on Adrian’s determination to push through acceptance of the Bushranger bid. From his point of view, it solved our problems at a stroke, never mind that the problems were of his creation and the solution an humiliating end to a proud piece of history. Simon and Jennifer went along with him, Simon because his share of the sale price would get Joan off his back and Jennifer because she could see no other way out of deficit. As for Bella, when I eventually succeeded in speaking to her, it became apparent that she regarded the dissolution of Timariot & Small as tantamount to a mercy killing. “Hugh should have negotiated something like this years ago. Then he might not have worked himself into an early grave.” My hope that Sir Keith might consider injecting capital into the company to make it independently viable was abandoned before I’d even expressed it.

That left Uncle Larry and me in a decisive minority. Adrian dismissed us as unrealistic romantics and I suppose he had a point. Uncle Larry’s reluctance to see the family firm taken over could be seen as no more than an old man’s refusal to live in the present. While the irony of my position was that I’d become more committed to Timariot & Small-past and future-than my brothers or sister, despite remaining aloof from it far longer than any of them. Perhaps that was the point. Perhaps I understood what we’d lose by selling out just because I’d spent twelve years away from it. And perhaps they failed to because they hadn’t. Familiarity had bred contempt. Later, I knew, they’d regret it. But their regrets would be futile. We could only destroy what our forefathers had created once. It was an irreversible act. But it was an act they were clearly set on carrying out.

Busy chasing false hopes and faint chances of staving off the Bushranger takeover, I gave little thought to my Benefit of the Doubt interview besides savouring the prospect of any small embarrassment it might cause Bella. Seymour had told me the programme would go out sometime in mid-June and had promised to send me a video of it in case I didn’t catch the broadcast. I’d intended to check Radio Times to see when it was coming up, but somehow never got round to doing so. If I had done, I’d have known a week in advance that it was scheduled for transmission at eight thirty on Wednesday the sixteenth of June. In the event, my first inkling of that was when I returned home from work two nights before to find a parcel small enough to fit through the letter-box lying in wait for me on the doormat. It was the promised video. I played it straightaway. And long before the end I realized just how big a fool I’d been.

Seymour wasn’t just a handsome front man. He was clever as well. If I hadn’t known that before, I found it out now. The doubt he sowed in the viewer’s mind about Naylor’s guilt wasn’t based on clinching facts or convincing arguments. It relied instead on impressions and implications. The programme started out as a straight-forward summary of the case from the discovery of the murders to Naylor’s conviction. Then Seymour turned his attention to Naylor’s defence. “Let’s see if this stands up,” he coolly said. “Let’s suspend disbelief for the time it takes to subject Shaun Naylor’s version of events to some obvious tests. We’ll begin where he says it began, at the Harp Inn, Old Radnor.” The camera panned across the pub’s façade, then moved to the man who’d testified at the trial that he’d seen Naylor there with a good-looking woman on the evening of 17 July 1990. He seemed more confident now than before that it was Louise Paxton. “I reckon it was, yes. They were getting on well together. Laughing and joking.” If he was right, Seymour pointed out, they could only just have met. At the very least, this indicated a willingness for flirtation on Lady Paxton’s part. Was that credible? Did that fit her character?

Suddenly, Sophie Marsden was on screen, relaxing in the horse-brassed black-beamed interior of her Shropshire home. She looked as much at ease as Seymour had made me feel, perhaps more so. And she was talking freely about the friend she’d known. “Louise wasn’t really the saintly wife and mother she’d been portrayed as. She was a lot of fun. She lived life to the full. Sometimes she flirted with strangers. And sometimes it may have gone beyond flirting. I know of at least one occasion when it certainly did. She told me about it. She wasn’t boasting. It was… the kind of secret we shared.”