J. Konrath - Bloody Mary

Herb walked toward me, coming down the hall. He held a stack of papers.

“Do you have seventy-five cents?”

“That’s what you need to break him? Seventy-five cents?”

“For coffee, Herb.”

He fished around in his pants pockets and came up with a crusty penny and a stick of gum covered in lint. He ate the gum.

“Nailed the ID on the body,” Herb said, chewing. “Eileen Hutton broke her leg in a skiing accident two years ago. We got her X-rays, and they match with the ones Blasky just took at County.”

Herb offered me the papers. Even though the faxes weren’t perfect, the match clearly was.

“How soon before he finishes the autopsy?”

“He’s almost done – the organs are missing, so it’s going quick. He estimates she’s been dead for about eighteen hours. Neck wound is consistent with some kind of wire or garrote. He’s got pictures and casts of the bite wounds, and is confident he can match them up with a suspect’s teeth. Found semen. Should be able to type it if the guy’s a secretor – Phil said it’s only a few hours old.”

“I thought she was killed eighteen hours ago.”

Herb gave me a pained look, and I put two and two together.

“Rushlo?”

“Yeah. He’s got the new high score on my personal Yuck Scale.”

I got an involuntary image of Derrick, naked and grunting on top of Eileen’s corpse, and immediately buried it. While the concept unnerved me, it didn’t completely surprise me. Being a cop for so long, I had zero faith in humanity.

“Necrophilia isn’t a crime, right?” I asked.

“If not, it should be. He hasn’t cracked yet?”

“Hasn’t said a word. You want to take a shot?”

Herb nodded. We walked back to the interrogation room and Herb popped his head inside.

“Ready to deal?”

The lawyer sighed, loud and long.

“I’m sorry, Detective. He refuses to say anything.”

Herb sat in the chair across from Rushlo, and I stood behind him, wearing my no-BS face.

“We just got some X-rays, Derrick. They confirm the woman is Eileen Hutton. We’re going to charge you with first-degree murder. I’ve spoken with the assistant state’s attorney, and if you make a statement and name the partner, we’ll go easy on you.”

Rushlo began to hum again. I felt an urge to whack him upside the head.

“Are you not talking because you’re worried about your partner? Or are you embarrassed to admit what you did to Eileen after you received the body?”

Rushlo’s lawyer furrowed his brow.

“What do they mean, Derrick? What did you do to the body?”

I dropped the papers on the table. “We have evidence that your client had sexual relations with the corpse, roughly two hours ago.”

I’d never seen a lawyer look so completely disgusted. In a way, it was refreshing.

“Derrick – I think you need to get other representation.”

Rushlo turned to him, panicked.

“You’re my cousin! You can’t desert me!”

“I don’t know if I can handle this, Derrick. My specialty is DUIs, not humping dead bodies.”

“I don’t have anyone else!”

The lawyer gathered up his things and stood.

“I’ll make some calls, see if I can find someone. Don’t say anything without counsel present.”

He made a sick face, then left the room.

I wanted to keep going at Rushlo, but no lawyer meant no questions. We booked him, taking prints and mugs, and tossed him into a holding cell.

“Dammit, Herb. I really don’t think he’s going to give up his partner.”

“We can check Rushlo’s background. Try to narrow it down.”

“That will take time. And meanwhile, we’ve got a crazy cop running around, slicing up call girls.”

“How about a mole ploy?”

I considered it.

“What if one of the cops here is the killer? Maybe that’s why Rushlo is so scared.”

Herb rubbed his mustache.

“Bring in someone from the outside? Stick a wire on him, stick him in the cell, maybe he could get Rushlo to give up a name.”

“Do you know anyone other than cops? Someone who would know how to get information out of him?”

“I know a few retired cops. I could make a few calls. How about you?”

I shook my head. “No one.”

“How about your ex-partner? That McGlade guy?”

“No. He’d find some way to make everything worse.”

“We’ve only got tonight, Jack. Tomorrow they’ll ship Rushlo to the county lock-up. We wouldn’t be able to get a mole in there.”

“McGlade is an idiot.”

“He used to be a cop. Plus he owes you one, from the way they depicted you in that awful TV movie. Remember how they made you into a binge eater, constantly shoving things into your mouth? That must have been humiliating.”

I thought about McGlade’s suspended PI license, and knew I could use that to get him to help. But, dammit, it was using a machine gun to kill a gnat.

“If the choice is working with Harry, or letting a maniac run free, I’m not sure which is the worse of the two.”

“Call him.”

“Maybe I can dress up as a man and do it myself. I can paint on a mustache with mascara.”

“Call him.”

“Ah, hell.”

I needed to dial directory assistance to get McGlade’s number. As his phone rang, I silently hoped he wouldn’t pick up.

“This is Harry McGlade, World’s Greatest Private Detective, featured in the television movie Fatal Autonomy . Talk to me.”

I swallowed a gallon of pride. “Harry, it’s Jack.”

“Jackie! Calling to give me good news about my license?”

“Sort of. I need a favor.”

“Consider it done, sugar. I had no idea you wanted to ride the Harry Rocket, but I’m more than happy to give you a taste. I usually like them younger, though.”

“Even if you tied me down, McGlade, I’d chew off my own arms to get away. I need you to run the mole ploy for me.”

“Gimme details.”

I filled Harry in, lowering my voice when a pair of cops walked past.

“And if I help you out with the stiff-sticker, you’ll get me my license back?”

“You have my word.”

“I’ll be there in half an hour, ready to be wired. See you soon.”

Harry hung up. Herb gave me a pat on the shoulder.

“It’s for the greater good, Jack.”

I took a deep breath and rubbed my temples.

“That’s what Oppenheimer said.”

“Want to help me tape on the wire?”

McGlade waggled his eyebrows at me. He’d unbuttoned his shirt, exposing a flabby chest completely carpeted with curly brown hair. It was like looking at a gorilla, if the gorilla used Rogaine.

“Is it a full moon?” Herb asked.

“Could be,” McGlade answered. “Does the full moon turn you into a fat pig?”

Herb narrowed his eyes. Harry had a wonderful way of immediately getting on a person’s bad side.

“Don’t get angry, Porky.” Harry grinned. “It’s just a joke.”

Herb folded his arms. “For your information, I just lost ten pounds.”

“You didn’t lose them – they’re hiding in your ass.”

I stepped between them and used some tape to attach the lavaliere microphone to Harry’s chest. More tape than necessary.

“You’re so gentle, Jackie. You’re turning me on.”

Harry put his hand on my hip, and I pinched his nipple hard enough to draw milk. He yelped and dropped his hand.

Herb shook his head in disbelief; Harry got that reaction a lot. “You were right, Jack. He’s an idiot.”

“Herb,” I warned.

“A fourteen-karat, card-carrying idiot. How did you survive all those years with him as a partner?”

“Why are you in such a bad mood?” Harry asked. “Your local grocery store run out of Sara Lee?”