John Hart - Down River

“Don’t lie to me, Jamie.”

“I’m not lying,” he said, but that was false, too. I let it go.

“Danny got into a fight with his girlfriend and hit her,” I said. “That’s why he was in Florida. Do you know anything about that? Who the girl was?”

“No idea. He had a bunch of them.”

“What about his gambling?” I asked, studying him now. “Do you think that could have had something to do with it? Maybe he owed the wrong people.”

Jamie looked uncomfortable. “You know about that, huh?”

“How bad was it?”

“Pretty bad at times, but not always. You know how it can be. Up one day, down the next.” He laughed, but it sounded nervous. “Things turn fast. But he could handle it. Tried not to spread himself too thin.”

“Any idea who took his bets?”

“Why would I know anything about that?” Defensive.

I wanted to push, but eased off. We drove in silence. I turned out of town, crossed over a creek, and opened up on the empty roads. The truck shook beneath us, and I could tell that my questions had upset him. He sank lower, his jaw twisted, and when he spoke, he did not look at me.

“I didn’t mean it, you know.”

“Mean what?”

“When I said I’d fuck her. I didn’t mean it.”

He was talking about Grace.

“What about your telescope on the third floor?” I asked.

He shook his head. “She said that? Damn! Miriam caught me once looking at Grace with binoculars. Just once, okay. And shit. That’s not a crime. She’s hot. I was just looking.” He twitched, like something just occurred to him. “Do the cops know about that?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll talk to Grace. As far as I can tell, she has no reason to do you any favors.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah. You’ve said that once or twice.”

“Pull the truck over,” Jamie said.

“What?”

“Pull the fucking truck over.”

I slowed down, pulled onto the dirt shoulder, put the truck in park. I killed the engine.

Jamie rose in his seat, turned to face me. “Do we need to go?” he asked.

“What?”

“Do we need to step out of this car and go a few rounds? Because I’m thinking that maybe we do.”

I leveled a gaze at him. “You’re drunk,” I said.

“I’ve had your back for five years. People bad-mouth you, say you’re a goddamn killer, and I tell them to shut the hell up. I’ve been on your side. That’s a brother thing. Now, I don’t need this calm thing you’re doing. I don’t buy it. You’ve been dancing around me since you got in this truck. Just say it. Whatever it is. You think I had something to do with Grace? Huh? Or with Danny? You want to come back here like nothing ever happened, like nothing’s changed? You want to run the farm again? Is that it? Just say it.”

He was defensive, and I knew why. The gambling was nothing new-it had happened before-and my questions about Danny had upset him. Sometimes I hated being right.

“How much did you lose?” It was a guess, but a good one. He froze, and I knew. “Dad had to cover you again, didn’t he? How much this time?”

He slumped again, suddenly frightened and young. He’d gotten into a hole once his last year of high school. He’d hooked up with a bookmaker in Charlotte and gone heavy on a round of NFL playoff games. The engine ticked as it cooled. “A little over thirty thousand,” he said.

“A little over?”

“Okay. Fifty thousand.”

“Jesus, Jamie.”

He sunk lower, all animosity gone.

“Football again?”

“I thought the Panthers were going to break out. I kept doubling down. It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.”

“And Dad covered it.”

“It was three years ago, Adam.” He help up a hand. “I haven’t gambled since.”

“But Danny has?”

Jamie nodded.

“You still want to go a few rounds?” I asked.

“No.”

“Then don’t fuck with me, Jamie. You’re not the only one that had a bad night.”

I started the truck, pulled back onto the road. “I want the name of his bookie,” I said.

Jamie’s voice was small. “There’s more than one.”

“I want them all.”

“I’ll find them. They’re written down somewhere.”

We drove in silence for a mile, until a convenience store appeared ahead of us. “Can you pull in here?” Jamie asked. I stopped at the store. “Give me a minute.”

Jamie went inside. He came back out with a six-pack.

I drove to the farm, took the turn for Dolf’s house. There were cars there; Janice was on Dolf’s porch. I stopped in the drive. “What’s going on?” I asked. Jamie just shrugged. “You getting out?”

“I’m not that drunk,” Jamie said.

I climbed out and Jamie slid across the seat. I put my hands on the window frame. “I misjudged Danny. Now he’s dead. The cops should look into these bookies. Maybe there’s something there.”

“The cops?”

“I want those names.”

“I’ll find them,” he replied, then waved once to his mother and turned the truck around.

I took the long walk.

My stepmother watched me approach. Young when she’d married my father, she was still shy of her fifties. She sat alone on the porch, and looked haggard. She’d lost weight. Once lustrous hair had faded to brittle yellow; her cheekbones looked hawkish and sharp. She rose from the rocking chair as my feet landed hard on the lowest step. I stopped halfway up, but she stood between the door and me, so I went to her.

“Adam.” She found the courage to step in my direction. There had been a time when she would have swept forward and laid her light, dry lips on my cheek, but not now. Now she was as distant and cold as a foreign shore. “You’re home,” she said.

“Janice.” I’d imagined this moment a thousand times. The two of us, speaking for the first time since my acquittal. Sometimes, when I saw it, she apologized. Other times, she struck me or cried out in fright. Reality was different. It was uncomfortable and nerve-racking. She held herself under tight control and looked as if she might simply turn and walk away. I could not think of a single thing to say. “Where’s Dad?”

“He told me to wait out here. He thought that it might help us get reacquainted.”

“I didn’t think you’d want much to do with me.”

“I love your father,” she said woodenly.

“But not me?” For better or worse, we’d been family for almost twenty years. I could not hide the hurt, and for an instant her face reflected some unknown pain of her own. It did not last.

“You were acquitted,” she said, “which must make me a liar.” She sniffed and sat down. “Your father has made it plain that there is to be no more talk of misdeeds by members of this family. I choose to honor his wishes.”

“Why don’t I think you mean that?”

Some of the old steel flashed in her eyes. “It means that I will breathe the same air as you, and keep my tongue still. It means that I will tolerate the presence, in my home, of a liar and a killer. Don’t mistake it for anything other than that. Don’t you ever.” She held my eyes for a long moment, then fished a cigarette from a pack on the table beside her. She lit it with trembling hands, twisted her lips to blow the smoke sideways. “Tell your daddy I was civil.”

I gave her one last look and went inside. Dolf met me and I hooked a thumb toward the closed door. “Janice,” I said.

He nodded. “I don’t think she’s slept since you came back into town.”

“She looks bad.”

An eyebrow shot up. “She accused her husband’s son of murder. You cannot imagine the hell those two have endured.”

His words stopped me. In all this time, I’d not once considered what the trial had done to them as a couple. In my mind, I’d always seen them as unchanged.