Susan Pfeffer - The Dead And The Gone

"I'm not sleepy," Alex said. "Where the hell is Bri?"

"I told you, I don't know," Julie said. "Yesterday, when there was electricity, she decided to go to St. Margaret's. It was your birthday and she wanted to light a candle and thank the Holy Virgin for saving your life. I told her not to. I really did, Alex. I told her the Holy Virgin knew how grateful we were, she didn't have to go to church to tell her. But Bri said it was a miracle that you got well and besides it was your birthday and Mami always lights candles on our birthdays."

"You idiot," Alex said. "Why didn't you stop her?"

"Because I couldn't!" Julie cried. "Bri's just like Papi. When she gets an idea, she can't be talked out of it. I told her I'd go and she should stay here, but she said she wanted to make confession so she could take communion on Christmas. And she looked so much better. You have no idea how much she did while you were sick. I thought maybe the Holy Mother had made a second miracle and healed Bri. And the electricity was running. All she had to do was go to church and then take the elevator back up."

"Why didn't you go with her:" Alex demanded. "You could have watched out for her."

"I watched out for you instead," Julie said.

Alex fumbled around trying to find the sleeping bag zipper. "How long has she been gone:" he asked. "What time is it?"

"It's about one," Julie said. "She's been gone almost twenty-four hours."

"Oh my God," Alex said. "She could be anywhere. Have you even looked for her?"

"I couldn't leave you," Julie said.

"Well, you can now," Alex said. "Take the candle and check the stairwell. Maybe Bri got home last night after the electricity went off and spent the night in the stairwell."

"Will you be okay alone?" Julie asked.

"I'm fine," Alex snapped. "Find Bri."

Julie nodded. She grabbed the candle and left the apartment.

Alex managed to free himself from the sleeping bag. He stripped, then put on clean clothes. He still stank, but that didn't matter.

He walked to the kitchen and washed his face with cold water. His entire body shook as he found the aspirin bottle and swallowed two more. He wasn't at all sure he could make it back to the living room, but he knew he had to. Each step felt like he was climbing Everest, and by the time he fell back onto the sofa, his heart was pounding.

I haven't eaten in days, he reminded himself. The problem was he didn't think he could make it back to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to stand up again.

Something made him get on all fours and crawl to the girls' bedroom. He couldn't imagine either Bri or Julie playing such a horrific practical joke on him, but he had to be sure Bri truly was gone.

The bedroom was empty.

"Bri?" he called. Maybe she was hiding in the closet. But there was no answer.

Alex tried to crawl back to the living room, but it was miles away. He remembered something about smiling faces before he passed out on the bedroom floor.

Saturday, December 24

"Alex! Don't hog the bathroom."

Alex woke up with a start. But it wasn't really Bri's voice. For a moment he couldn't remember where he was. Then he saw Julie sleeping in the easy chair in the living room and it came back to him. Apartment 12B. Mami and Papi had been gone for seven months, Bri for two days.

He looked at his little sister and tried to allocate blame so it all fell on her, but he couldn't. He'd spent seven months unable to talk Bri out of her obsession that Mami and Papi would be coming home any minute now. How could he expect Julie to keep Bri from going to St. Margaret's if she had her mind set on it?

Julie had found him on the bedroom floor. Somehow she'd gotten some food into him, and with her help, he'd been able to make it back onto the sofa. He'd wanted to go out and look for Bri, but he couldn't walk ten feet without collapsing. And the last thing Julie needed was for him to wind up in the fourth floor stairwell, unable to climb another step.

Still, he felt better today, better than he could remember feeling in days. He rose carefully and was pleased to find his head wasn't spinning. The kitchen didn't seem a million miles away, and he made it there without incident. He drank some water, swallowed a couple of aspirin for no particular reason, and opened one of the cans of red beans. Judging from the amount of food still remaining, Bri and Julie hadn't eaten much more than he had the past week.

Bri had been gone for two days and what had he done besides sleep? Had he even prayed for her safe return: He couldn't remember.

"Heavenly Father, look after her," he whispered. It was the one prayer he could think of that God might accept from him.

He walked back to the sofa and tried to think. Bri had gone to St. Margaret's two days ago. The only thing he knew was Julie hadn't found her in the stairwell. He rubbed his forehead. If she wasn't in the stairwell, where was she?

At St. Margaret's, maybe? Suppose she got there and stayed so long that it was dark when she was ready to leave and Father Franco told her to spend the night there. Alex liked that idea, although he couldn't understand why Father Franco hadn't sent her home the next day.

Except there was no electricity the next day. Maybe Father Franco told her to stay at the church until she could take the elevator up to 12B. Bri could be alive and well, better off there than at home, since the church still had some heat, or at least it had the last time Alex had been there, before the snowstorm. If Father Franco had any food, he'd share it with Bri. And Bri had her inhaler with her, so really she would be just as well off at St. Margaret's as she would be at home.

It would be easy enough to find out if Bri was at St. Margaret's. All he had to do was walk over there. Think of Julie's reaction when he and Bri walked back into 12B together. What a Christmas present that would be.

Alex decided to practice walking. He strolled from the sofa to the girls' bedroom, then back again to the kitchen. He ate two more spoonfuls of frozen red beans, then walked back to the bedroom. No dizziness. Sure he was a bit weak, but that was to be expected. But there was no hurry. If Bri was at St. Margaret's she was being taken care of. She'd be worried, though, worried about him and about Julie. Better he should get going.

"Alex?"

"Go back to sleep," Alex said. "I'm fine. I'm just going out for a walk."

Julie sat bolt upright. "What are you talking about?" she said. "You can't go for a walk."

"Just to St. Margaret's," Alex said. "I think Bri might be there."

"She isn't," Julie said. "Yesterday, after I checked the stairwell, I walked over and asked. Father Franco saw her on Thursday, but she left the church. He said he figured she'd be okay since the electricity was still running."

Alex collapsed back onto the sofa. "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, as though Bri's fate would be different if Julie had only had the good sense to tell him.

"Because you were sprawled out on the floor when I got back," Julie said.

"I'm not sprawled out now," Alex said. "Bri might be wandering around the streets. We need to look for her."

"Alex," Julie said.

"What?" he said.

Julie looked miserable. "If some guy grabbed her," she said. "Like that guy, you know… Well, Bri couldn't fight back. I know she felt a lot stronger because she'd helped you so much, but I couldn't even get away from that guy. Bri's hardly eaten in days and it's so hard for her to breathe. I don't think she's wandering around the streets."

"We won't know until we look," Alex said. "If you don't want to go, I'll go by myself."