A Martinez - Divine Misfortune

Worthington suppressed a smile. Gorgoz talked a big game, but he needed Worthington. He’d made sure of that. Dealing with gods wasn’t any different from any other business contract. It all came down to leverage. Gorgoz had many followers, but none could equal what Worthington had to offer. Secretly dedicated slaughterhouses offered a steady tide of blood. Millions of dollars a year were burned in his god’s name. And millions more were used to support smaller cults scattered across the world. But Worthington made sure that none of these cults were self-sufficient, and that without his money, they would disappear. Without Worthington, there was no Temple of Gorgoz.

The savage god had existed, mostly forgotten and without influence, for thousands of years before Worthington had taken him in. He could always start over, but that would require him to get his butt out of the recliner.

“By the way, Roger,” said Gorgoz, “have you seen Lenny anywhere? Usually takes on the form of a squirrel.”

“There are a lot of squirrels coming in and out of here every day,” observed Worthington.

“Lenny was one of my favorites, you know. He served me well in life, but even more so in death. Always reliable.”

“I’m sure he’s just running a little bit late.”

“Let’s hope.” Gorgoz growled, not at Worthington but just in general annoyance. He held up his bell and rang it vigorously. “I don’t see my beer, minion.”

At the kitchen, Worthington discovered a bloodied and broken squirrel pulling its way across the linoleum. It should’ve been dead, but supernatural will compelled it to return, even if it had to drag itself with its one functioning limb.

“You must be Lenny.”

The squirrel held up its head and gasped, spitting up blood.

“He’s down in the basement. Where else would he be?”

Worthington dropped several beers into a plastic bag and tied it to Lenny’s tail. “Don’t keep him waiting.” The creeping squirrel dragged its carcass across the kitchen floor, leaving a smear of blood and fur across the tile. Someone would clean up the mess. He didn’t know who, but he didn’t care about those details. He had more pressing concerns.

Worthington was willing to make many sacrifices for his god. Cold veal was not one of them.

Teri’s day turned around after she talked to Lucky. It wasn’t as if everything corrected itself, but her bad luck faded. And some of that bad luck turned good. The technician sent to check on her computer said it was shot, and that it would have to be replaced. The outdated computer had always been temperamental. She’d been low on the replacement list, but now management had no choice but to move her to the top.

One of her bosses (she had several) noticed her disheveled appearance as the two of them shared an elevator ride. When Teri explained all the misfortune that had befallen her of late, they shared a chuckle. It wasn’t much, but it was an opening, a chance to make an impression.

She kept finding loose change underfoot, under desks, in drawers. Pennies and nickels, quarters and dimes, and several silver dollars. By the end of the day, she had twenty bucks’ worth of change jingling in her pockets.

A golden woman approached Teri’s desk around quitting time.

“Ms. Teri Robinson?”

A closer look revealed that the woman wasn’t just gold in color. She was actually made of the precious metal. Her skin, her hair, her eyes, and even her clothes all gleamed.

“Yes, that’s me,” said Teri.

“Hello, I’m Veronika, your Hephaestus Motors personal liaison. Veronika with a k.”

A handshake confirmed it. Veronika’s hand was smooth and cold as polished metal.

“Your car is ready, Ms. Robinson. Shall we take a look?”

“Already?”

Veronika’s beautiful face remained aloof, almost unreadable, but she raised a delicately sculpted eyebrow. “Yes.”

“What about the broken axle? The shop said it would take at least a week to fix.”

“Perhaps for mortal mechanics,” said Veronika. “Shall we go and inspect your car to see if it meets with your approval?”

Teri followed Veronika. Teri’s bare arm brushed against a golden sleeve. The metal “cloth” was cold but supple. Teri wanted to touch Veronika’s hair, but it seemed a little presumptuous.

The coupe was parked out front. It was Teri’s car, but polished and waxed. It didn’t look brand-new, but it was pretty close.

Veronika said, “Along with the axle, we took the liberty of some basic maintenance. Tune-up, oil change, spark plugs, and while we were at it, we added some improvements. The usual low-level package. I’m sure you’ll be very pleased with the results. We don’t usually work on automobiles with this much… character.” Veronika frowned. “Someone must have called in a big favor.”

“Lucky?”

“Indeed, you are fortunate. Mortals used to sacrifice droves of livestock for an improvement package like this.”

“No, I meant Lucky. My god Lucky.”

Veronika glanced at her work order. “Doesn’t say.” She paced the coupe, allowing Teri to inspect it. “We did what we could to increase fuel efficiency to a thousand MPG.”

“A thousand?”

“Yes, dreadful, I know, but the best we could manage with what we had to work with. We also coated the chassis with a high-quality adamantite-based glaze to protect against future dings, dents, and stains. The tires are an organic form of rubber very recently developed. Nearly puncture-proof and self- repairing, as long as you remember to water them regularly and allow them to get a few hours of sunlight a week.”

“I park in the garage,” said Teri.

“Might I suggest purchasing a sunlamp then.”

The car’s door swung open on its own and Veronika stepped aside to allow Teri to get in. The seat was warm and soft.

“Genuine faux gryphon hide,” said Veronika. “Finally, we threw in a navigation charm at no extra charge.” She pointed to the clear vial of green liquid hanging from the rearview mirror. A large yellow eyeball floated within it, and when Teri looked at the eye, it looked back.

Veronika thrust a clipboard before Teri. “If you’ll just sign here, Ms. Robinson, the car is all yours.”

“And that’s it?” asked Teri one more time, just to be sure. “All this is absolutely free?”

Veronika flashed a patronizing smile. “Yes, Ms. Robinson.”

Teri signed. Veronika sprouted a pair of solid platinum wings. They didn’t flap, but the golden woman rose into the air.

The door closed and locked, and the car started spontaneously.

The big eye bobbed, staring at her.

Veronika descended to earth. She tapped on the glass with a slender finger, and the window rolled down.

“I almost forgot. If you have any concerns or complaints, feel free to give me a call, day or night.” Veronika handed Teri a card. It, too, was gold in color, though made of paper. “We’ve also included a complimentary year of roadside assistance, so you’ll want this.” She gave Teri a small velvet bag that smelled of mint. “Just burn a leaf or two should the need arise.”

“Thanks.” Teri tried the door, but it didn’t open. “Not that I’m complaining, but how do I get out?”

Veronika reached into the car and flicked its eye. “Behave yourself now.”

The doors unlocked.

“I’m afraid the navigation charm can be a touch overeager. Just be firm with it.”

Veronika disappeared into the clouds.

Teri put her hands on the steering wheel. The car responded by moving her seat back so that she could barely reach the pedals. She tried adjusting it, but it didn’t budge.

The eye stared at her.

“Come on, now. I’ve had a long day, and I just want to go home.” She tapped the vial, not too hard. “Please?”