Jeff Lindsay - Dexter is delicious

Of course I'd had no chance at all to speak with Brian privately, since he had been surrounded by the admiring crowd all night. So I took the chance to walk him out to his car, firmly closing the door on his groupies. And just before he climbed into the little red car, he turned and looked at me.

"What a lovely family you have, brother," he said. "Domestic perfection."

"I still don't know why you're here," I said.

"Don't you?" Brian said. "Wasn't I obvious?"

"Painfully obvious," I said. "But not at all clear."

"Is it so hard to believe that I want to belong to a family?" he said.

"Yes."

He cocked his head to the side and looked at me with perfect emptiness. "But isn't that what brought us together the first time?" he said. "Isn't it completely natural?"

"It might be," I said. "But we're not."

"Alas, too true," he said with his usual melodramatic flair. "But nevertheless, I found myself thinking about it. About you. My only blood relative."

"As far as we know," I said, and to my surprise I heard him say the same words at the same time, and he smiled broadly as he realized it, too.

"You see?" he said. "You can't argue with DNA. We are stuck with each other, brother. We're family."

And even though the same thought had been repeated endlessly all evening, and even though it was still ringing in my ears as Brian drove away, it did nothing to reassure me, and I went to bed still feeling the slow creep of uneasy toes along my spine.

It was a fretful night for me, with patches of sleep separated by deep bogs of restless wakefulness. I felt assailed by something I could only think of as nameless dread, a terrible lurking thing egged on by a voiceless unease from the Passenger, who seemed for once to be absolutely uncertain, just as flummoxed as I was. I might possibly have flogged this beast into its cage and found a few hours of blissful unconsciousness-but then, there was also Lily Anne.

Dear, sweet, precious, irreplaceable Lily Anne, the heart and soul of Dexter's new and human self, turned out to have another wondrous talent far beyond her more obvious charms. She had, apparently, a wonderfully powerful set of lungs, and she was determined to share this gift with all of us, every twenty minutes, all night long. And by some quirk of malignant nature, every time I managed to slide into a brief interlude of real sleep, it coincided exactly with one of Lily Anne's crying spells.

Rita seemed completely undisturbed by the noise, which did nothing to raise her stock with me. Every time the baby cried, she would say, "Bring her to me, Dexter," apparently without waking up, and then the two of them would drift off into sleep until Rita, again without opening her eyes, would say, "Put her back, please." And I would lurch to the crib, put Lily Anne down and cover her carefully, and silently beg her to please, please, sleep for just one small hour.

But when I returned to bed, even in the dark and temporary silence sleep eluded me. As much as I despise a cliche, I did, in fact, toss and turn, and neither option gave me any comfort. And in the few real moments of sleep that came to me, for some reason I dreamed, and they were not happy dreams. I do not, as a rule, dream at all; I believe the act may be connected to having a soul, and since I am quite sure I don't have one, for the most part I am blissfully brain-dead when I go to sleep, without any disturbance from the subconscious.

But in the sweaty depths of this night, Dexter dreamed. The images were as twisted as the bedsheets: Lily Anne holding a knife in her tiny fist, Brian collapsing into a pool of blood while Rita breast-fed Dexter, Cody and Astor swimming through that same awful red pool. Typical for such nonsense, there was no real meaning in any of it, and yet it still made me vastly uncomfortable on the bottom shelf of my inner cabinet, and when I finally staggered out of bed the next morning I was very far from rested.

I made it into the kitchen unaided, and Rita thumped a cup of coffee in front of me, with not nearly the care she had shown arranging Brian's cup. And even as I had this unworthy thought, Rita picked up on it, as if she were reading my mind.

"Brian seems like such a great guy," she said.

"Yes, he does," I said, thinking to myself that seeming is very far from being.

"The children really like him," she said, adding to my undefined sense of discomfort, which my pre-coffee partial consciousness had done nothing to dispel.

"Yes, um…" I said, taking a large slurp and silently willing the coffee to work quickly and get my brain back online. "Actually, he's never really been around kids before, and-"

"Well, then, this will be good for all of us," Rita said happily. "Has he ever been married?"

"I don't think so," I said.

"Don't you know?" Rita said sharply. "I mean, honestly, Dexter-he is your brother."

Perhaps it was my newfound human feeling erupting, but irritation at last pushed its way through my morning fog. "Rita," I said peevishly, "I know he's my brother. You don't need to keep telling me."

"You should have said something," she said.

"But I didn't," I said, quite logically, though admittedly still a bit cranky. "So can we change the channel, please?"

She looked like she had a lot more to say on the subject, but she very wisely held her tongue. She did, however, undercook my fried eggs, and so it was with a sense of real relief that I finally grabbed Cody and Astor and fled out the door. And of course, life being the unpleasant business that it is, they were stuck on the same page as their mother.

"How come you never told us about Uncle Brian, Dexter?" Astor demanded as I pushed the car into gear.

"I thought he was dead," I said, with what I really hoped was a note of finality in my voice.

"But we don't have any other uncles," she said. "Everybody else does, and we don't. Melissa has five uncles."

"Melissa sounds like a fascinating individual," I said, swerving to avoid a large SUV that had stopped in the middle of the road for no apparent reason.

"So we like having an uncle," Astor said. "And we like Uncle Brian."

"He's cool," Cody added softly.

Of course, it was very good to hear that they liked my brother, and it really should have made me happy, but it did not. It simply added to the sense of mean-spirited tension that had been rising in me ever since he had appeared. Brian was up to something-I knew it as well as I knew my own name-and until I knew what that something was I was stuck with my sense of lurking dread. It had not gone away by the time I dropped the kids at school and headed into work.

For once there were no freshly discovered headless bodies lying in the streets of Miami and frightening the tourists, and as if to underline this great mystery, Vince Masuoka had even brought in doughnuts. Considering the ragged assault my home life was making on me, this was very welcome indeed, and it seemed to me to call for some positive reinforcement. "Hail, doughnut, well brought," I said to Vince as he staggered in under the weight of the pastry box.

"Hail, Dexterus Maximus," he said. "I bring tribute from the Gauls."

"French doughnuts?" I said. "They don't put in parsley, do they?"

He flipped open the lid to reveal rows of gleaming doughnuts. "No parsley and no escargot filling, either," he said. "But they do include Bavarian cream."

"I shall ask the Senate to declare a triumph in your honor," I said, quickly grabbing one. And in a world built on the principles of love, wisdom, and compassion, that would have marked an end to the very uncomfortable course my morning had been following. But of course, we live in no such blissful world, and so the doughnut had barely had a chance to settle happily into my stomach where it belonged, when the phone on my desk began to rattle for my attention, and somehow, just from the way it sounded, I could tell it was Deborah.