Andy McNab - War torn

'I can't relax until I've spoken to her.'

'Until you've put your feet up, you're not going anywhere, my girl,' said Trish sternly. Jenny felt fifteen again. She giggled.

'I'm not going clubbing to eye up Leroy Tanner,' she said.

Trish looked knowing. 'I always said that boy would end up in jail and I was right, wasn't I? I can't think what you saw him in.'

Jenny knew exactly what she had seen in Leroy Tanner but, eight months' pregnant with her second child, this wasn't the time to think about it.

She got up, slowly.

'I'm only going around the corner, Mum, and I'll only be five minutes.'

Before Trish could argue, the phone rang and Jenny, who was passing it, picked up the receiver.

'Hi,' said a distant, weary voice. 'Hi, darling.'

'Dave!'

'Managed to get the phone again.'

'You only rang last night!'

'Well, it was this morning for me and I was in a hurry. And I didn't tell you that I love you.'

She could hear tiredness and pain in his voice.

'I love you too. And I know about the minefield. Everyone in camp knows. Ben Broom and Ryan Connor, right?'

'I can't talk about it.' He sounded more vulnerable than she had ever heard him. 'Jen, I miss you.' She realized that she could not imagine, know or even understand what crossing a minefield meant. The gulf between them had nothing to do with miles. It was a gulf of understanding. And Dave knew it too.

'Sweetheart…'

'I can't talk about it, Jen.'

'I know. Is Jamie OK?'

'Yes, but he's definitely used up another life. Why?'

'Agnieszka was worried.'

'Why?'

'Oh, she didn't hear from him when she expected to, that's all.' Another lie. And this time to Dave.

'Jamie was bruised. Couple more lads went to Bastion with shrapnel wounds but they're OK. They'll all be back in a few days.'

Jenny told him what Ben Broom's girlfriend had said. Dave thought grimly of Broom, holding the satellite phone: I have to keep phoning my bird, Sarge, or she might fly. Nothing had made her fly faster than a missing leg.

'How does Leanne feel about Steve's leg?' he asked. 'Does she think it's disgusting too?'

'She's getting used to it. She was scared they'd never have sex again.'

'And have they?'

'I doubt it. He's only been home for that one weekend and he slept downstairs and was a real shit to her. She was so miserable that a BLESMA welfare officer came to see her.'

'Steve wouldn't play the victim and let her run around him, eh? I'll give her a call.'

'With your minutes?' asked Jenny swiftly.

'What?'

'How many of your phone minutes have you used up calling Leanne?'

'Don't you want me to phone Leanne? Because I won't if you don't. I just-'

'Oh, love, of course I want you to phone her. I'm so bloody glad I'm married to a bloke who does that sort of thing. I just feel as though you don't care how many of our minutes you give to other people. They're precious to me. And you act like they don't mean anything to you.'

'They're not just our minutes. I call my mum too!' Although not very often.

'OK, fine, they're your minutes and you can do what you like with them,' she snapped.

So here we go again. She couldn't stop herself. She wanted him to call more often but what did he get when he phoned? Sniper fire.

'Come on, Jen,' he said softly.

'I miss you so much!' Her voice began to dissolve. 'And I meant everything I said about you leaving the army. I wish you'd give it some serious thought.'

'I have. And I've decided I should wait until I've got my degree. I'll be a lot more employable then.'

'How long will that take?'

'Ummm… well as soon as I get back I'll step up my hours.'

'What's the soonest you could finish?'

'Another few years, probably…'

'Dave! I can't wait that long.'

'Those years will flash by. With two young children your hands will be so full that-'

'They'll flash by without you! That's the point! I want to bring up two young children with you, not with a voice on the phone who's always away training or fighting or crossing minefields!'

'When we get back from this tour, I might be at home for two whole years.'

'I've heard that one before.'

'Jenny. Love. I don't need this pressure. Not now. I didn't ring you because I want another battle.'

The tone of his voice said that all day, every day he had to be strong. He had to watch his men, correct them, guide them and protect them, he had to make decisions that were fair but firm and the greater the danger, the fiercer the contact, the harder the pressure, then the stronger he had to be. He couldn't afford to weaken. Ever. Even when he was watching eight of his men in a minefield.

Jenny heard his tone and her anger evaporated.

'Oh, darling. I'm sorry. I just want you out of there. I don't want to add to the pressure.'

'I'm already under a lot, Jen.'

She was quick. 'Are you in some kind of trouble?'

'Maybe.'

'Because you let your men cross a minefield?'

He was indignant. 'No! For fuck's sake!'

'Well, why, then?'

'Because of something that happened long before today. Soon after we arrived.'

'Did anyone die?'

'Not any of our men.'

'You mean… a Tali died?'

'Yup.'

'And you're in trouble?'

'They're interviewing me about it this evening. I thought they might wait a bit. Since some of us have had a bad day. But they can't.'

'Oh, Dave! Because you killed the enemy!'

'Yup.'

'That's ridiculous!'

'I think so.'

'Whatever you did, I know it was right.' Her anger was redirected now, away from him and onto the army.

'Thanks, love.'

'I'll bet the Taliban don't start accusing each other of killing the enemy. I'll bet they wouldn't hesitate to kill you under any circumstances.'

'That's why it's fucking ludicrous.'

'But…' She was thinking now. 'Maybe they'll throw you out of the army for this. That would make the decision for you!'

'Don't say that, Jen. You don't want me court-martialled, do you?'

It was unbearable to hear him so hurt.

'Christ, no,' she said truthfully. 'They won't, will they?'

'They could.'

When the call was over she felt bereft. She loved him. But he had so much to deal with that she could not ask him to share her burdens too. He loved her. And she was on her own.

AGNIESZKA WAS WOKEN BY LUKE AND THE PHONE AT THE SAME time. She had been in such a deep sleep that for a moment she wasn't sure which to grab.

'Hallo?'

'Agnieszka, it's Adi. I'll be quick, I can hear Luke calling for you. I rang because Jenny said you were worried. Well, something did happen in the night. Everyone's talking about it. I think our boys found some landmines or something. There are casualties but nothing serious in 1 Section.'

'Jamie all right?'

'Fine. So stop worrying.'

But she already done that. Somehow Darrel had managed to persuade her that everything was all right.

Agnieszka looked at the time and started to hurry. She had agreed to meet Darrel for coffee this morning and first she had to sort out Luke and herself, then put on her makeup. Darrel had wanted to take her for lunch, he said, but he couldn't get away from the garage then so he would sneak out for a coffee instead.

It was one of Luke's angry, spiky mornings, when he responded to even her lightest touch as though her hands were covered with barbed wire. Finally, with relief, she left him to cry so that she could get ready. She peered in the mirror at her tired face then reached for her makeup bag. She might not be able to repair the dishwasher, TV, car or gutter but she could certainly fix her face.

Of course, there was no reason she needed to look especially good for Darrel. But the pots and brushes and tubes and pads of colour pleased her. Making up was a form of painting. She used shading to make subtle contours pronounced and with the right brushwork around her eyes they could look huge.