Andrew Vachss - The Weight

“Really? Then how come so many movie stars have all kinds of plastic surgery?”

“I don’t know any movie stars, so I’d be guessing, but I’d still come down on the same spot. Maybe, for them, it’s still about what other people think, only there’s a lot more of those people.”

“But that’s dangerous, isn’t it? Botox in your face, collagen in your lips, that’ll cost you in the end.”

I could tell she wasn’t asking a question, so I just nodded.

“Even liposuction, people die from it sometimes.”

“I guess so. I don’t know anything about stuff like that. My clients make their own goals-it’s my job to make up a program so they can reach them.”

“Well, my husband is always telling me I’m too fat.”

I shrugged again. She was headed back to a place I didn’t want to go.

“He thinks what I do is just sit on the couch all day and watch TV. You know what ‘secretarial spread’ is?”

I shook my head, hoping that wasn’t some personal-trainer stuff I should have known about.

“It’s what girls get from sitting all day. Kind of spreads them out, so they take up more room.”

“Oh. Yeah, I… guess so.”

“Well, see, that’s what I was. A secretary, I mean. In fact, I worked for my husband. He wasn’t complaining about my fat ass back then, believe me.”

I made some sound, just enough to tell her I was listening. Anything I said out loud would be a mistake-I knew that much.

“I don’t think he says it to be mean, but it kind of hurts my feelings, you know? And he… well, maybe he’s thinking he didn’t get what he paid for?”

“Paid for?”

“I just mean I’m not the same girl he married.”

“How could you be?”

“What does that mean?”

“Nobody stays the same forever. Does he look just like he used to?”

“Charley? You must be joking. Oh, that’s right; you’ve never even met him, have you?”

“No.” I said it the same way you’d say a weather report. I didn’t want her to think I didn’t want to meet him, but I didn’t want to talk to him, either.

“It’s not the same for men,” she said. “They can get fat and bald and… anything they want. It doesn’t matter. That’s if they’ve got money, I mean.”

“I guess that’s so.”

“But I don’t want to be unfair. Charley treats me like a princess. Anything I want. So, I was thinking, maybe he makes those cracks-you know, like I said before-maybe he’s just trying to make sure I’m like you said. Healthy, right?”

“That’s what I said, sure.”

“But it would be a great present for him, too, don’t you think?”

“That kind of thing never works,” I said. Not a chance in the world I was going to let myself be played into training her husband-I’d end up having to move.

“But you just said-”

“Sure. But when you give someone a gift certificate for training, most times they kind of resent it. And even if they do show up, they’re not really motivated. Once they see how hard it’s going to be to really reshape themselves, they don’t stay with it, anyway. So you’d just be wasting your money.”

“Not for Charley, silly! I mean, yes, it’d be for Charley, but the present wouldn’t be some gift certificate; it would be me.”

Stepped right into that one, you fucking mope , I was thinking, but I didn’t say anything, just tried to look surprised.

“You know what my measurements were when I first went to work for Charley? I was a C-cup thirty-seven, twenty-four, thirty-eight… I guess I was always a little hippy. I weighed a hundred and nineteen pounds. That wasn’t so long ago-our tenth anniversary is next year. You know how much I weigh now?”

“I couldn’t even guess.”

“You don’t want to know, trust me. Don’t you think it would be a wonderful surprise if I could squeeze myself into one of the outfits I wore back then? I’d probably give Charley a heart attack, I did that.”

“You couldn’t do that.”

“What?! Why would you say such an awful-?”

“No, no. I don’t mean you couldn’t train to whatever shape you wanted. I just meant, something like that, it’s gradual. So it wouldn’t be a surprise, see?”

“Oh.”

“It’s not like you could wake up one morning and be all changed. That’s the hardest thing for people to swallow, patience. They want to work out for a month and turn into something different.”

“Well… it kind of depends on the person, doesn’t it? I mean, I’m not exactly an elephant, right?”

“Of course not. But if you want to do it correctly, it always takes time to-”

“Fair enough. But that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying, it depends on how much you get noticed , right? For it to be a surprise, I mean.”

“Like if someone hadn’t seen you in a couple of years?”

“Or if someone hadn’t looked at you in a couple of years.”

“I… guess that’s right.”

She stood up. “I didn’t mean to take up so much of your time. If you ever need-”

“No problem,” I said. That’s what people say when they want to get rid of you.

She walked over to the staircase. It was only a couple of seconds, but I could see she didn’t walk like a woman who thinks she’s too fat.

There were a few places I could walk in and some people there would know me. Buy me a drink, slap me on the back, tell me the last stretch must have been sweet, since I was looking so good.

Places I knew I couldn’t go near. Maybe Solly thought I was already down in Florida. He gave me a list of all these people who Albie might talk to, but I knew that was a shuck-no way Solly hadn’t already talked to those guys himself.

So, I could go down there, play a hunch that Jessop was a local.

But what I couldn’t do was lie to Solly. If he ran across me still here, I could always tell him the truth about me hiring the PI through that lawyer. But it would be better if it didn’t come to that.

The story Solly told me, on the surface it made sense. If he wanted Jessop canceled, he would have called Big Matt, like he said. I worked with Big Matt twice before. He was an angry guy. I don’t mean he had a temper or anything like that. But he was so angry, you could feel it standing next to him. He walked around like that. I guess maybe he wasn’t angry anymore, not with all Solly told me. But if Big Matt thought anyone might knock his new train off the rails, he’d kill them. Not a doubt in my mind.

I didn’t know any way to reach him. I never did; that isn’t the way it works. Guys like Solly, they’re all over the country. They’re the ones with the numbers. And even those numbers, they’re just message drops.

So I was thinking two things: Big Matt had closed down his contact number. He was out of the business, what did he need it for? I was also thinking about that responsibility thing Solly went on and on about. If Jessop could give up Big Matt, why couldn’t I? The way Solly put it, I had that statute-of-limitations thing going for me, so Big Matt wouldn’t worry about me. Just Jessop.

I had to concentrate. That’s a lot harder than pushing weight. When I concentrate, really, really hard, I can feel my brain-it burns just like muscles do when you work them to their limit.

But I did it. Some guys, they say it helps to write stuff down. Draw lines, make things connect. I could never do that-it always made me think of other things, instead of what I was trying to figure out.

If I’m Big Matt, I know there’s a bunch of people who can put me in on that jewelry job. And not just Jessop. That statute-of-limitations thing, it was just… a misdirection. The kind of trick you pull on purpose. Like training yourself to drop your left shoulder and throw the right hand over at the same time. A guy sees your left shoulder drop, he thinks the hook is coming from that side. All you have to do is distract him for a little piece of a second .