Joan Hohl - A Man Apart

Not fair, Hannah, she told herself, swiping her eyes with her fingertips. He had never made any promises. He had been up-front with her, had offered her nothing more than fun and games. She had gone into the affair with her eyes open. She had no one to blame but herself for the empty feelings of pain and longing she was experiencing now.

Life does go on, Hannah assured herself, and so would she. There was no other choice. She had friends, a career, a business to run…a living room to dust.

Justin was on the prowl, roaming the house, unsettled and cranky. Karla would attest to it; she had been witness to his moodiness. She was beginning to eye him warily, as if uncertain what he might do.

It was the weather, he told himself, staring out the window at the nearly foot of snow on the ground that was growing higher in the driving blizzard. He felt trapped, that’s what was bugging him, he thought, turning away from the scene.

Justin knew damn well his restlessness had nothing at all to do with the inclement weather. He had been raised in Wyoming, and had lived in Montana for almost ten years, had taken over the running of the ranch soon after he had graduated college. Snow, ice, winter and spring rains hadn’t bothered him, except in regard to worrying about the horses.

But Justin knew full well that the animals were in their stable stalls; warm, fed and watered by Ben and the rest of his ranch hands.

“Can I get you something, Justin?” Karla asked, as he stalked into the kitchen.

Wondering what in hell he was doing there, Justin said the first thought that jumped to mind. “Is there any coffee in the pot?” It was a dumb question, and he knew it. There was always coffee in the pot. It wasn’t always freshly made, but he had never demanded fresh, although he preferred it that way.

“Yes.” Karla smiled at him as she opened a cabinet and took down a mug. “I just made it.” She shook her head when he reached for the mug. “Sit down, I’ll get it for you.”

Not about to argue with the woman who prepared some of the best meals he had ever tasted, Justin moved to the table, collecting a carton of milk as he went by the fridge.

The coffee was exactly as he liked it, strong, hot and freshly brewed.

“Would you like something to go with that?” she asked, carrying her own mug to the table. “Cookies, a slice of pie or coffee cake?”

Ever since Ben had brought Karla to the ranch as his bride, there were always cookies in the pantry and pie in the fridge. He liked her coffee cake best…although her apple pie was also delicious.

Justin glanced at the wall clock. It was several hours to go until suppertime. “Couple of cookies sound good. Do you have any of those oatmeal, raisin, walnut cookies?”

Karla laughed and headed for the pantry. “As those are both Ben’s and your favorite, I always keep a supply on hand. I baked a double batch yesterday.”

While Karla was inside the large storage room, Ben strolled into the kitchen from the ranch office, where he had been checking stock on the computer. In effect, Ben had virtually taken over the running of the ranch, leaving Justin feeling superfluous and adrift. He didn’t resent Ben…how could he resent a man for doing a great job, especially when the man was next thing to a member of the family?

No, Justin didn’t resent Ben. He simply felt useless.

“Where’s my bride?” Ben asked, going straight to the cabinet to pour a cup of coffee for himself.

“Ran off with the milk man,” Justin drawled, sipping carefully at the hot brew in his mug.

“Neat trick.” Ben grinned as he strolled to the table. “As we don’t even have a milk man.”

Justin waved a hand in dismissal. “Minor point.”

“You rang, Your Lordship?” Karla emerged from the pantry to favor her husband with a smile. “Was there something you wanted from me?”

Ben flashed a wicked grin. “Yeah, but this isn’t the time or place. The boss is watching.” He jerked his head at the plate she was carrying. “I’ll settle for some of those cookies you’ve got there.”

Their affectionate banter created a hollow sensation in Justin’s midsection. Telling himself it had nothing to do with one Hannah Deturk and the bantering, laughter and tender moments they had shared, he attempted to fill the hollow place with cookies. His ploy didn’t work.

Through the long, seemingly endless days that followed, nothing worked. Including Justin. Leaving the majority of the ranch responsibilities to Ben, Justin brooded and prowled the house like a hungry mountain lion.

Hungry was the key word, and it had nothing to do with his stomach. How often had he reached for the phone, to place a long-distance call to Philadelphia? Justin couldn’t remember, but he knew damn well why he had never actually lifted the telephone receiver.

What could he say to Hannah? I miss you, and I’m hard as hell? Yeah, he derided himself. That ought to turn any woman’s mind and will to molten lava. And Hannah wasn’t just any woman. Oh, no. Sweet Hannah was her own woman, a fact she had made abundantly clear to him from the beginning.

Sure, she had agreed to spend a few days of mutual pleasure with him, Justin conceded. And the pleasure had been mutual, of that he had no doubt. For a man who had not so much as stayed a full night with a woman since his marriage ended, the pleasure had been intense, teeth-clenching ecstasy. As for Hannah, well Justin felt certain that not even the most skilled of actresses could have faked the depth of her response.

Still, their shared desire, and compatibility out of bed, had not kept her from leaving when she said she would.

Without saying it aloud, she had made it abundantly clear that she had a life back east and she wasn’t about to change it. Her determination to leave was unshakable. Despite his murmured plea for her to stay a while longer and the implied enticement of his last kiss, she had whispered a farewell, slid behind the wheel of her rental vehicle and driven away without looking back.

Unaware of heaving a heavy sigh, Justin stared out the window. The blizzard had long since blown itself out, but the temperature had not risen above the twenties since then. The snow remained, the unrelenting wind driving it into five-foot and higher snowbanks.

Damn, other than the inconvenience of getting back and forth from the house to the stables, Justin had never minded the snow before. What in hell was wrong with him?

“Why don’t you take a vacation?” Ben’s voice broke through Justin’s thoughts. “Someplace where the sun’s shining and the temp’s in the eighties. Find yourself a woman. You’re workin’ on my nerves, and you’re starting to worry Karla.”

“I’m working on your nerves and making Karla edgy?” Justin said in a soft, tightly controlled voice to keep from snarling at the man. “Maybe you and Karla are the ones needing a sun-filled vacation.”

“Not us,” Ben denied. “Karla and I are happy here, sunshine or not.”

Justin lifted an eyebrow. “And you think I’m not?”

“Oh, gimme a break, Justin. I’ve known you a long time, remember?” Ben shook his head. “In all that time I have never seen you like this, stalking about the house, staring out the window, sighing every couple minutes, not even when Angie took off with that smooth creep.”

“I sigh every couple of minutes?” Justin drawled in feigned amusement, feeling a twinge of alarm and ignoring the reference to his ex, because that wasn’t important. The strange sensation was. “I’ll think about it,” he said, ending the conversation by turning back to the window.

“Okay, I can take a hint,” Ben said with a short laugh of resignation. “I’ll mind my own business.”