Simon Beckett - The Calling Of The Grave

Another minor piece of the puzzle slipped into place. 'Were you still seeing him during the search?'

'No, we'd split up before then. He was… well, it was always pretty heated between us. We'd row a lot. About him seeing other women.' She didn't seem to notice the irony of what she was saying. 'It wasn't until months after the search that we finally got back together again. He promised he'd changed. Like an idiot I believed him.'

'Was that when you found Zoe Bennett's diary?'

'His wife had thrown him out by then. He got called out on a job and left me alone in this squalid little flat he was renting. I was bored, so I started tidying things away. Half of his things were still in boxes. The diary was buried under a pile of papers in one of them. God, when I realized what it was… You can't imagine how that felt.'

No, I didn't expect I could. 'Why didn't you tell anyone? You'd got proof that Terry had been having a relationship with a murdered girl. Why would you keep quiet about something like that?'

'Because I thought Monk was guilty! Everyone did!' She was looking at me earnestly. 'What was the point of stirring up a lot of needless trouble? Not so much for him but for his family. I'd done enough to them already without that. And I'd found things left by his girlfriends before. Cheap jewellery and make-up in his car. Underwear. I thought the diary was just more of the same.'

'Sophie, you were a behavioural specialist! You're telling me you never once thought it was more than that?'

'No! I wanted to hurt him, that's why I took the diary. I knew he'd been sleeping with her, but I never suspected anything else!'

'Then why were you frightened of him?'

She blinked. 'I… I wasn't.'

'Yes, you were. When I took you home from hospital you were terrified. Yet you still pretended you couldn't remember who'd attacked you.'

'I – I suppose I didn't want to get him into trouble. You can't switch off your feelings for someone, even if they don't deserve it.'

I passed a hand over my face. My skin felt grainy. 'Let me tell you what I think,' I said. 'You took the diary on impulse, to hurt Terry like you say. You were angry and jealous and it gave you a hold over him. It was only after you'd taken it that you realized the danger you'd put yourself in. But by then you couldn't go to the police without getting yourself into trouble. So you hid it and kept quiet, and hoped the threat of it would stop him from killing you as well.'

'That's ridiculous!'

But there was a defensiveness behind her indignation. 'I think you blamed Terry for spoiling your career,' I went on. 'It must have been hard, helping the police to expose other people's secrets when you'd one like that of your own. So you stopped working as a BIA and tried to make a fresh start. Except that takes money, doesn't it?'

For a second Sophie looked afraid. She hid it behind bluster. 'What are you trying to say?'

I'd had plenty of time to think it through over the past few days.

Terry had called Sophie a blackmailing bitch, and while I didn't give much credence to what he said it had started me thinking. That didn't mean I liked what I was about to do. But we'd gone too far to stop now.

'The cottage you're living in, it can't be cheap. And you said yourself the pottery doesn't sell. Yet you still seem to make a decent living.'

Sophie's expression was defiant but brittle. 'I get by.'

'So you never asked Terry for money?'

She looked down at her hands, but not before I saw that her eyes were brimming. The door opened and the nurse who'd been there earlier came in. The smile died on her face.

'Everything all right?'

Sophie nodded quickly, her face averted. 'Thanks.'

'Let me know if you want anything.' The nurse gave me a cold look before she went out again.

I didn't say anything else. Just waited. I could hear footsteps and animated voices from the corridor, but in that small room there wasn't a sound. The noise and energy of the hospital outside seemed like another world.

'You don't know what it was like,' Sophie said eventually, her voice cracked. 'You want to know if I was scared? Of course I was scared! But I didn't know what else to do. I took the diary without thinking. I – I was just so bloody mad! He'd been screwing that… that teenage slut while he'd been seeing me! But I swear at first I still thought Monk had killed her. It was only later that… that I

… Oh, Christ!'

She covered her face as the tears came. I hesitated, then passed her a tissue from the bedside table.

'I didn't want to believe it was Terry. I kept telling myself Monk really had killed them. That's one reason I started writing to him, trying to convince myself. I was wrong.' She broke off to wipe her eyes. 'But I was angry as well. I'd given up everything because of

Terry. My career, my home. He was the reason I moved out here. The least the bastard could do was help me start again. I didn't ask for much, only enough to help set me up. I thought… I thought as long as I'd got the diary I'd be safe.'

Oh, Sophie… 'But you weren't, were you?'

'I was until Monk escaped. I hadn't heard anything from Terry in over a year. Then he phoned up, ranting and threatening what he'd do if I didn't give him the diary. I'd never heard him like that before, I didn't know what to do!'

'So you phoned me,' I said tiredly. Not to help her find the graves, or at least not only that. She'd wanted someone with her in case Terry tried anything.

'I couldn't think who else to call. And I knew you wouldn't say no.' She plucked at the damp tissue. 'Next day I was getting ready to meet you when he hammered on the door. When I wouldn't let him in he… he broke it down. I ran upstairs and tried to lock myself in the bathroom, but he forced his way in there as well. I got hit by the door.'

Her hand went automatically to the fading bruise on her cheek. I remembered seeing the stairs were wet when I'd found her. If I'd given it any thought I might have realized she hadn't been surprised in the bathroom as she'd claimed.

'Why didn't you say something then?'

'How could I? I'd been hiding evidence for years! And I'd no idea Terry had been suspended. When you said he'd been to see you.. .'

A shudder ran through her. Instinctively I started to reach out, but stopped myself.

'I didn't really do anything wrong!' she blurted. 'I know I made a mistake, but that's why I wanted to find Zoe and Lindsey s graves so badly. I thought at least if I could do that much it might make up for… for…'

For what? Protecting their killer? For letting the wrong man stay in prison? Sophie looked down at the shredded tissue in her hands.

'So what now?' she asked in a small voice. 'Are you going to tell Naysmith?'

'No. You can do that.'

She took hold of my hand. 'Do I have to? They already know about the diary. It won't change anything.'

No, but it'll end eight years of lies. I set her hand on the bed and stood up.

'Bye, Sophie.'

I walked out into the corridor. My footsteps rang on the hard floor as the clamour of the hospital enveloped me. I felt an odd detachment as I walked through it, as though I were encased in a bubble separating me from the noise and life around me. Even the fresh, cold air outside didn't dispel it. The bright autumn sunlight somehow seemed flat as I went back to my car. I unlocked it and stiffly lowered myself into the seat. My cracked ribs were manageable but still painful.

I closed my eyes and put my head back. I felt empty. The idea of driving back to London didn't appeal, but I'd been here long enough. Too long, in fact. The past was beyond reach.

Time to move on.

Rousing myself, I reached into my pocket for my phone, wincing as my ribs protested. I'd turned it off in the hospital and when I switched it back on it beeped straight away. For an instant I was back in the darkness of the cave, then I shook my head.