Simon Beckett - The Chemistry of Death

'Peasant,' he scoffed. He took another drink, savouring it before setting it down. 'So, come on. Out with it. How did dinner go the other night?'

'It was a barbecue, actually. Outdoors. You'd have loved it.'

'Eating al fresco is acceptable on a Friday night. Sunday lunch requires proper appreciation. And you haven't answered the question.'

'It was fine, thanks.'

He cocked an eyebrow. 'Fine? That it?'

'What else can I say? I enjoyed myself.'

'Do I detect a little coyness here?' He grinned at me. 'I can see I'm going to have to prise this out of you. Tell you what, let's take the dinghy out this afternoon and you can tell me all about it. Not much breeze, but we can row off some of the lunch.'

I could feel my embarrassment burning my face.

'Of course, if you don't want to it's quite all right,' Henry said, his smile fading.

'It's not that. It's just… Well, I told Jenny I'd take her out in it.'

'Oh.' He couldn't hide his surprise.

'I'm sorry, I should have said something sooner.'

But Henry had recovered his poise, concealing his disappointment behind a grin. 'No need to apologize! Good for you!'

'I can always-'

He waved away the offer before I could finish it. 'Sunny afternoon like this, you're much better off going out with a pretty girl than an old fogey like me.'

'Are you sure you don't mind?'

'We'll do it some other time. I'm delighted you've met someone you seem fond of.'

'It's no big deal, really.'

'Oh, come on, David, it's high time you started enjoying yourself! You don't need to justify it.'

'I'm not, I'm just…' I trailed off, lost for words.

Henry was entirely serious now. 'Let me guess; you're feeling guilty.'

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

'It's been, what? Three years now?'

'Nearly four.'

'It's almost five for me. And you know what? It's long enough. You can't bring the dead back, so you might as well carry on with the business of living as best you can. When Diana died… Well, I don't have to tell you.' He gave a half-laugh. 'Couldn't understand why I'd survived and she hadn't. In fact, for a long time after the accident…'

He broke off, staring out over the lake. But whatever he had been about to say, he changed his mind.

'Anyway, that's another story.' He reached for his wine. 'Changing the subject, I gather there was a bit of excitement last night.'

There wasn't much about the village that Henry didn't hear. 'You could say that. Some of James Nolan's neighbours paid him a visit.'

'How is he?'

'Not good.' I'd phoned the hospital earlier. 'They gave him quite a beating. He'll be in hospital for a week or two yet.'

'And I imagine no-one saw anything?'

'Apparently not.'

His thick eyebrows knitted in disgust. 'Animals, that's all they are. Bloody animals. Still, I can't say I'm surprised. And from what I've heard you've fallen foul of Manham's rumour mill yourself, haven't you?'

I should have known he'd have heard the talk about me by now. 'At least I've not been beaten up so far.'

'I wouldn't shout about it just yet. I warned you what it could get like. Just because you're Manham's doctor doesn't mean you'll get any favours.'

I could see he was sliding into one of his black moods. 'Come on, Henry…'

'Trust me, I know this place better than you. Push comes to shove, the people here will turn on you the same as they did Nolan. Doesn't matter what you've done for them in the past. Gratitude? Not in this bloody place!' He took a gulp of wine, forgetting to savour it in his anger. 'Sometimes I wonder why we bother.'

'You don't mean that.'

'No?' He stared broodingly into his wine. I wondered how much he'd had before I arrived. 'No, perhaps not. But there are times I wonder what either of us is doing here, I really do. Don't you ever ask yourself what the point of it all is?'

'We're doctors. What other point is there supposed to be?'

'Yes, yes, I know all that,' he said, irritably. 'But what good do we actually do? Can you honestly tell me you never feel you're wasting your time? Keeping some old wreck alive, just for the sake of it? All we're doing is putting off the inevitable.'

I looked at him with concern, noticing his fatigue. For the first time I saw he was starting to show signs of age.

'Are you OK?' I asked.

He gave a dry chuckle. 'Don't take any notice of me, I'm just feeling cynical today. Or even more so than usual.' He reached for the bottle. 'All this business must be getting to me too. Let's have another glass, and then you can tell me what you've been up to all week that's so mysterious.'

That was something I hadn't been looking forward to, but now I was glad to talk about something else. Henry listened, quizzical at first as I told him the truth about my career before I came to Manham, then incredulous as I gave him a rundown of how I'd been helping Mackenzie.

When I finished he shook his head, slowly. 'Well, I think the phrase "dark horse" springs to mind.'

'I'm sorry. I know I should have told you before, but until this week I really thought it was all past history.'

'You don't have to apologize,' he said. But I could tell I'd upset him. He'd taken me on at a time when I was at my lowest, only to find out now that I'd been less than open with him. All this time I'd let him believe my experience as an anthropologist had been entirely academic. Even though I hadn't actually lied, it was a poor repayment of trust.

'If you'd like me to resign, I will,' I offered.

'Resign? Don't be ridiculous!' He looked at me. 'Unless you're having second thoughts about working here?'

'No, of course not. I didn't want to get involved in the first place. I wasn't deliberately keeping it from you. I just didn't want to think about it myself.'

'No, I can see that. It's just a bit of a surprise, that's all. I'd no idea your career had been so… rarefied.' He gazed reflectively over the lake. 'I envy you. I always regret not going into psychology. I had ambitions to once upon a time, you know. Didn't work out, obviously. Too much extra training. I wanted to marry Diana, and being a GP brought in the money faster. And it seemed glamorous enough back then.'

'There's nothing glamorous about what I've been doing.'

'Exciting, then.' He gave me a knowing look. 'And don't deny it. There's been a definite change in you over the past week. Even before the barbecue.' He gave a short laugh, fishing his pipe from his pocket. 'One way or another it's been a hell of a week. Any news on who this second body might be?'

'Not yet. But hopefully dental records will provide an ID.'

Henry shook his head, filling and lighting his pipe. 'You live somewhere for all these years, and then…' He made a visible attempt to shake off the mood that had descended. 'Well, I'd better go and check how lunch is coming along. Things are grim enough without burning the Yorkshires.'

We kept the conversation lighter after that. But Henry was looking tired by the end of lunch. I reminded myself that he'd been carrying most of my workload for the last few days. I tried to insist on washing the dishes, but he would have none of it.

'I'm fine, really. Most of them'll go in the dishwasher anyway. I'd much rather you get off and meet your friend.'

'There's plenty of time.'

'If you insist on doing them, then so will I. And frankly, what I'd like to do right now is pour myself the last of the wine and perhaps have a nap.'

He regarded me with mock-severity.

'Now, do you really want to ruin my Sunday afternoon?'

I'd arranged to meet Jenny at the Lamb. It was neutral territory, whereas going to her house again would have made seeing her seem like too much of a date. I was still trying to tell myself that we were only going sailing. It wasn't like I was taking her out to dinner, with all the sexual politics that would involve. There would be no worry over picking up or giving out the wrong signals. Nothing to it, really.