Dave Zeltserman - Small crimes

She lingered on, trying to give me my twenty dollars' worth, and trying to make sure I'd stick around after her set was over. After she moved away, she kept smiling over at me, even when other guys were slipping dollar bills under her garter belt. When she moved a certain way I caught sight of a dark bruise along the inside of her thigh. I wondered briefly what her makeup was covering up. It didn't matter to me, though. I was still going to join her in a private room. And if I had to screw her first to get the cocaine, I'd do that also.

I felt a small hand rubbing my shoulder, and then a voice next to me yelling, 'Hey!' I turned and saw Toni grinning wickedly. She looked even more stunning than the other day. She was also wearing less – only a sheer black negligee and panties.

She tried saying something to me, but I couldn't hear her over the music. She got on her toes and talked into my ear, her breath hot against me. The touch of her lips made my spine tingle.

'I still owe you something from the other night,' she said. 'What do you say, Joe? You want to go somewhere private and finish what we started?'

I reached down to ask whether she could get her hands on more coke. The scent of her made me dizzy. She told me she could. She took hold of my hand and led me around the speakers and through the curtains separating the back hallway.

The room we took was identical to the one we were in before. Toni locked the door and told me to relax. I sat back on the carpeted bench. As she came towards me, she was still grinning that same wicked grin.

'You got the coke?' I asked.

'First things first,' she said.

She reached her hand towards me. I thought she was reaching to caress my cheek, but she quickly brought her hand back and nailed me good. She couldn't have weighed more than ninety pounds and her clenched fist was less than a third the size of mine, but her punch snapped my head back. She must've got me with the side of her fist – the fleshy part above the wrist – and I was damn sure she broke my nose. She got in two more punches before I could stop her. One of them rapped me in the mouth. After I pinned her against the wall, I checked with my thumb and felt a tooth move. I was lucky she didn't knock it out completely.

She was calm, but there was a white-hot intensity burning on her face.

'You should die for what you did,' she said. 'Yeah, and what did I do?’

‘You dirty bastard.'

'I've been hearing that a lot lately. So come on, what did I do?’

‘You bastard. You dirty bastard. You sent Paul to that motel room.'

'Not me. I had nothing to do with it.'

She looked like she wanted to spit in my face. As I looked at her, I realized I didn't care anymore. Screw her. Screw Dan. Screw all of them. None of it mattered.

'I know who did, though,' I said. 'He's a buddy of yours. Want to guess?'

Doubt flickered in her eyes.

'No guess, huh?' I said. 'I'll tell you, if you punched him in the nose he wouldn't be taking it as nicely as I am now. He'd probably have a couple of his deputies dig a hole in the woods to plant you in.'

I could see fear in her eyes, because she knew what I was telling her was true. It was more than that, though. If Dan ever found out she knew of his involvement, he'd take care of her just the same. She knew that also.

The fear in her was now palpable. 'You told Dan so he'd send Paul to that motel,' she said.

'No, not me.' I shook my head. 'If I had any idea he was going to do something like that I would've called Phil and warned him.'

'Why do you think it was Dan?'

'I asked him after I heard about the shooting and he admitted it to me. You have to remember, the two of us go way back.’

‘How did he find out about Susie?'

'I don't know.' I had her pinned with my forearm, and I used my free hand to gingerly touch my nose. I winced as I did. I could feel the blood dripping from my nostrils.

'Look,' I said. 'If I let go of you, you're not going to punch me again?'

She shook her head. I let go, and sat on the bench and held my head back. I pinched my nostrils to try to stop the bleeding.

'If I had to guess,' I said, talking slowly and deliberately because I was breathing in through-my mouth, 'he probably found out the same way I did. When you do coke, Toni, you get a little too free with your words. It's something you should watch.'

'You're lying.'

'Why would I lie? You think I care at all what you think?'

There was a long silence and then she started to cry. It wasn't real loud, but loud enough for me to hear it. I lifted my head and could see her bawling away, her small face screwed up in pain, her shoulders rising and lowering rhythmically. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. All I could think was, fine, let her feel half as lousy as I do. As I sat there I realized I was still craving cocaine. Even with a bloody and broken nose, if I had a few lines, I would have snorted them up without a second's thought. I guess at that point I had hit rock bottom. I just started laughing thinking about it. It hurt like hell to laugh, but I couldn't help myself.

My nose had stopped bleeding. I got to my feet,

Toni, still crying, asked, 'You won't tell Dan?'

I didn't bother answering her.

When I pushed past the curtains and into the main club, I could feel eyes turning towards me. I imagined what I looked like with my face and shirt smeared in blood. The blonde who I had given a twenty to must've seen me from behind, because I could see her out of the corner of my eye coming towards me, a plastic smile set on her face. When she caught up to me her jaw dropped. And then she backed away.

I stopped in the rest room to clean up the best I could, and then got out of there. When I got to my car, I went through my duffel bag and found my last clean shirt.

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^Chapter 17

I drove towards Stowe and found a ski lodge that was open off season. I could tell the desk clerk didn't like the look of me, and I couldn't blame him. I must've looked like I'd been in a street fight. It was amazing how much damage a little thing like Toni could do. But I paid cash and he gave me a room.

When I got to my room, I checked myself over in the mirror and saw that my upper lip was as swollen as it felt and that my nose was indeed broken. I left the room to fill up an ice bucket, and when I returned I wrapped ice in two hand towels, lay down on the bed, and placed one towel against my nose and the other against my mouth. As I lay there I tried to think about what I could do, but I guess I was too tired and too wiped out, and at some point I drifted off.

Right before waking, I dreamed that I was back with Elaine and my two daughters, and it was like we were a family again. We were in our old house, but it still seemed like the present. Melissa and Courtney looked like they did in the photographs, both blonde and pretty, both in their teens. Elaine was like she was the,} other day when I saw her in Albany except instead of a cold and indifferent attitude towards me, she was warm and relaxed.

We were all sitting at the kitchen table eating dinner. My two^; girls acted like typical teenagers, rolling their eyes when I asked them questions about how their day went and stuff like that, but at times someone would make a joke and everyone would get a laugh out of it. It felt nice. Near the end, Elaine got up and moved behind me so she could massage my neck and shoulders. My girls giggled at that.

The phone started ringing. Elaine very sweetly asked whether I would answer it. 'Not now,' I said. 'But it might be important.’

‘Why don't we ignore it?’

‘You should answer it, Joe.’ I really don't want to.’

‘Joe-’

‘Okay, okay.'

Then my eyes opened wide and the dream was gone. It took me a moment to realize where I was. The ringing was real, though. I looked over at the phone next to my bed and watched as a red light flashed with each ring.