Dave Zeltserman - Small crimes

He sat like a mannequin as he stared at me, his smile frozen into something not quite human. He was like that for a good several minutes.

'Why am I wasting my time with you,' he finally said.

'We're playing a waiting game now with Manny,' I tried to explain. 'If we can buy enough time this problem is going to resolve itself and-'

"There is no problem if you take care of either Manny or Coakley. That's all that has to be done. It's so damn simple, but you want to make it into some big complicated mess. I really think you have gone soft in the head, Joe. I'm serious about that.'

He got out of his chair and took several angry paces before turning back to me. 'Quit trying to be so fucking smart,' he forced out. His skin color had dropped to a sickly white. He was breathing hard and I could tell he was making an effort to control his emotions. 'You think you're so goddam brilliant, and maybe in some ways you are, but in other ways you're the stupidest motherfucker I know. This is simple. So very fucking simple. Just take care of it and get it done before Tuesday. This is the last time I'm going to tell you that.'

'Dan, why don't you think about what I said-'

'Shut the fuck up.' He pointed a finger at me. 'Just shut your mouth and think. Quit acting like a goddam moron.'

He started towards the door, but stopped to face me.

I'm pissed off right now,' he said. 'So don't get too offended, okay? Just fucking think and do what needs to be done. And when Morris comes back, tell him I'll pick up his inventory later in the week.'

After Dan left, I sat alone and generally felt lousy. It just seemed like such a rotten thing to do, telling Dan about what Phil was doing. If I hadn't maimed him, he wouldn't be seeing a prostitute. And here I was trying to expose him even further. I felt some relief that Dan wasn't going to use what I told him, but it still made me sick to my stomach thinking about it. At that point I made a decision. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen, but Phil was going to be left out of it. I wasn't going to cause him any more damage. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to do, but I knew that much.

When Morris came back with his inventory, I gave him Dan's message. It left him in a foul mood. I let him beat me a few more times and it mollified him somewhat. A little before twelve thirty I stood up and offered him my hand.

'I've got to get out of here while I still have a little dignity intact,' I told him.

'Well, young fellow, thanks for stopping by to see me,' he said, his eyelids half raised. 'At least, I think so.'

I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that. I murmured something about seeing him around.

'Funny about Dan showing up for that inventory,' he noted.

'Yeah, that did seem kind of odd to me also. Well, so long.'

Morris let his eyelids droop a bit more. 'As far as seeing me around,' he said, I certainly hope not. At least not here in Bradley. I hope by this time tomorrow you're walking along the sunny beaches of the west coast of Florida.'

'It's a nice thought, Morris, but I got a meeting with my parole officer tomorrow. But I'll be thinking about it.'

'I hope you do more than think about it. I'd hate to see you back here.'

'Don't worry, you won't.'

Morris walked me out of the building and we shook hands again before parting. I walked over to my car and sat inside, not sure what to do next. There had to be a way out, I knew there had to be, but I couldn't come up with it. If only it could be as simple as driving to Florida.

I tried picturing what it would be like living in Florida. Having white sand beaches and the ocean and hot weather. Drinking nothing but margaritas and daiquiris, and eating fresh key lime pie, stone crabs, and shrimp the size of my fist. I tried to imagine what it would be like living somewhere where nobody knew me and where nobody had any vendettas against me. The idea of it sounded so damn nice. If I took off I'd probably have six months, maybe as much as a year, before they caught up to me. I thought about it. It was tempting, but then it hit me how useless my life would end up being. And then I started thinking about my daughters. After a while they were all I could think about. More than anything I needed to hear their voices. Five minutes, that would be all I needed. It just didn't seem too much to ask for. I sat for a while longer and then drove to downtown Bradley, parked in front of the drugstore, and got five dollars' worth of change.

When I had gotten Elaine's address I had also gotten her phone number. There was a payphone outside the drugstore. I walked over to it, took out Elaine's phone number from my wallet, and stared at the jagged scrap of paper until I made up my mind. I felt jumpy inside as I dialed the number. While the phone rang I felt as if my heart was going to bust out of my chest.

A girl's voice answered, 'Hello?'

I tried to ask if she was Melissa but my voice cracked.

She asked again, 'Hello, who's calling?'

This time I was able to get my question out. My voice sounded odd to me. I realized I was trembling.

In a guarded voice, she said, 'No, I'm Courtney. Who's this?'

'I'm your dad.’

‘Who?'

I cleared my throat and tried to talk louder. 'I'm your dad, sweetheart,' I said, my words sounding hollow as they echoed through my head. I know it's been a long time. And I know you probably don't remember me, but I wanted to call to tell you that I've always been thinking of you and that I love you.'

She must've put down the phone. I don't think she heard most of what I said. I heard her yelling, 'Mom, there's a strange man on the phone who says he's my dad.'

I heard a more distant yelling, probably from Elaine. I couldn't make out what she was saying. Only that her voice sounded frantic. Then I heard a rumbling noise, probably somebody running.

Elaine had picked up the receiver. I don't want you calling again,' she said.

'Elaine, all I want to do is talk to my daughters-'

'You're not going to.' Her voice had become deadly calm. It kind of surprised me how calm it was. 'Tomorrow I'm going to get an unlisted phone number. I'm not going to let the girls answer the phone until we have the new number, so don't bother wasting your time.'

I heard a click as she hung up.

I stood there feeling as if I barely had the strength to move. Somehow I hung up the receiver and got back into my car. It hadn't fully hit me how important my girls were to me until I tried talking to Courtney. I had to find a way to live for my two girls. I had to give my life meaning for them. Otherwise, what the hell was the point of anything? The thought of that overwhelmed me. I sat still and forced myself to concentrate. Eventually I came up with a plan. It was a long shot, but given that Phil was off limits, it was the best I could come up with.

I stopped off at the information desk to ask whether Charlotte Boyd was working. The woman at the desk seemed familiar. She was about my age, attractive except for some small red blotches around her nose and premature gray hair. I saw from her name tag that she was Alice Cook. I remembered an Alice Harrison from high school and was pretty sure it was the same person. Fortunately she didn't recognize me. She couldn't have – she was being too nice. After she checked the hospital work schedule, she told me that Charlotte had this Sunday off.

Are you a friend of Charlotte's?' she asked.

'I only met her the other day,' I said. 'We had coffee together and I was hoping to see her again.'

She gave me a smile as if to say isn't that sweet. 'Charlotte's such a nice girl. Quiet, but very nice. If she used some makeup and did something with her hair, she'd be quite pretty.'

That was stretching it. She'd still have those nervous eyes and a mousy look about her. Still, I appreciated the effort. I agreed with her and asked if she could give me Charlotte's home number and address.