Richard Mabry: Diagnosis Death

She was tossing in a restless slumber when she heard the ring of the phone. The clock showed 12:05 as Elena reached for the receiver. Her left hand clutched the covers tighter around her as her right lifted the phone and brought it to her ear.

At first there was silence. Maybe this was simply a wrong number. Maybe the calls had stopped.

No, there it was. Sobbing. Starting softly, then rising to a crescendo. A woman's voice-a husky alto, like a lounge singer in a smoky, second-rate club.

"Who is this?" Elena said.

No answer. Only sobbing.

"What do you want?" Elena's voice rose to a shriek.

A click. Then silence.

Elena stabbed blindly at the phone's "end" button, finally hitting it as an electronic voice began, "If you'd like to make a call-"

She turned on the bedside lamp and stared at the cheap lithograph on the opposite wall. In it, a young man and woman were walking through a field of flowers. They looked so happy. Like she and Mark had been.

But he was gone, and she'd never be happy again. Ever.

She reached for the light but withdrew her hand. No, leave it burning. Elena burrowed deeply under the covers, the way she used to do as a child after hearing a ghost story. She closed her eyes and watched the images march across her brain: endless days spent at the bedside of a living corpse, Mark's casket disappearing into the ground, a faceless woman at some shadowy location sobbing into a phone.

As the sound of those sobs echoed through Elena's mind, the image of a face from her past came into focus. Was that who was calling? If so, there was nothing Elena could do. She'd simply suffer… because she deserved it.

Elena slapped at the snooze button on her alarm clock. Why was it buzzing already? Then she remembered-her breakfast with Dr. Bennett. What had Helen meant by "We need to talk?"

Her stomach did a flip-flop, and she tasted a bitter mix of peanut butter and bile. Maybe some coffee would help.

Elena padded to the kitchen and reached into the cabinet, wishing she'd had the foresight to make coffee before going to bed last night. The weight of the canister told her before she removed the lid-empty. She filled a glass at the sink and drank the contents, hoping to at least wash the bad taste from her mouth.

A quick shower brought her a bit more awake. Now for hair and makeup. Elena had always taken pride in her resemblance to her mother, a beautiful woman with dark, Latina looks. But long days at the hospital followed by sleepless nights had taken their toll.

There were dark circles under her eyes, the brown irises surrounded by a network of red. A few drops of Visine, and she looked less like the survivor of an all-night drinking spree. She'd cover the circles with a little makeup and hope Dr. Bennett wouldn't notice.

Elena ran her hands through her long black hair. She needed a haircut, needed it in the worst way. But there was neither time nor money for that right now. She'd pull it into the always-utilitarian ponytail she'd favored more and more lately.

Dressed, her backpack slung over one shoulder, her purse over the other, she stepped through the door into the early-morning darkness, in no way ready to face the day. It was bad already. She hoped it wouldn't get worse.

The ride in the elevator was three floors up, but Elena's stomach felt as though she was in a free fall. She didn't have to do this today. When Helen Bennett called, she should have put this visit on "hold." But something told her she needed to get it out of the way.

The elevator doors slid open, and the scene before her made memories scroll across her mind like a filmstrip unwinding. The waiting area of the ICU at Zale University Hospital was quiet at 5:30 a.m. The television mounted high on the far wall flickered with silent images as closed captions of the local news crawled across the bottom of the screen. An older man huddled in a chair near the "Staff Only" door, glancing every few seconds toward that portal as though Gabriel himself were about to come through it with news of his loved one.

Elena knew the feeling. For two weeks, she'd spent much of every day in this same waiting room. The rest of the time, the minutes not spent snatching a quick bite in the cafeteria or hurrying home for a shower and change of clothes, were spent at her husband's bedside, holding his hand and listening to the even rhythm of the respirator that kept him alive. Her heart bled for the old man and for every other person who'd ever sat in this room.

Elena was pleased when her final training assignment took her away from Zale, the place where her life fell apart. St. Paul Hospital was less than half a mile away, but she welcomed every foot of that buffer. When she walked out of Zale for the last time, she silently vowed never to return.

Now she was back, and she still wasn't sure of her reason. Was it to add the books from the box balanced on her hip to the dog-eared paperbacks next to the volunteer's desk? Or was it to show she had the courage to revisit the scene of the most terrible two weeks of her life? No matter, she was here. She clenched her jaw and forced her feet to move.

"Dr. Gardner. What are you doing here?"

Elena looked up at the nurse emerging from the elevator. The woman's name tickled at the periphery of Elena's memory like a loose hair. What was it?

"Oh. You startled me."

"Sorry. What brings you back here?"

Elena held up a handful of books and shoved them into the bookcase. "These are some of Mark's-" Her throat closed and words left her. With an effort, she began again. "I was going through some of Mark's things and thought these might help the people in the waiting room pass the time."

The nurse moved closer, and Elena sneaked a look at her nametag. Karri Lawson. Of course. How could she forget Karri? The pretty brunette had been the nurse responsible for Mark's care almost the entire time he was in the ICU. In fact Karri had been Mark's nurse the day-. Elena shook her head. Don't go there. Don't go back.

If Karri noticed Elena's discomfort, she made no mention of it. Instead, she gave Elena a brief hug. "I haven't seen you since… since that day. I'm sorry for your loss." She made a gesture toward the closed doors leading to the ICU. "We all are."

Elena had heard "sorry for your loss" so many times, it was almost meaningless. Her response was automatic. "Thank you."

"Would you like to come in and see the other staff?" Karri looked at her watch. "The day shift isn't here yet, but there may be some nurses you remember from when… from your time here."

"I don't think so." Elena reached out and touched Karri on the shoulder. "I have a meeting. But tell everyone hello for me. Tell them I said 'thanks.' "

"The coffee here is surprisingly good," Elena said. "Everyone always says that hospital food, especially hospital coffee, is terrible."

"I agree," Helen Bennett said. "I wish my receptionist could make coffee like this. She's a jewel, but in fifteen years with me she's never learned to make coffee that doesn't taste like it's brewed from homogenized tire treads."

"Don't be too hard on her, Helen. I'm looking forward to working with her. And with you, of course."

Helen placed her mug on the table as carefully as an astronaut docking the space shuttle. "Well, that's what we need to talk about." She looked around to make sure there was no one within earshot. Around them, the cafeteria was filled with bleary-eyed residents, medical students, and nurses, but no one seemed interested in the conversation at their table. "I'm afraid you're not going to be working with my receptionist, or my nurse, or me."

"What-"

Helen stemmed Elena's words with an upraised hand. "Let me give you the whole story. Then I can answer questions if you have any-assuming you're still speaking to me by then."