Val Mcdermid - Blue Genes

‘Hullawrerrhen,’ said another voice behind me. At least, that’s what I think it said. I turned to see Dan Druff grinning warily in the doorway. Silently, I handed him the Czech beer and reached for the next bottle in line. Radeberger Pilsner. I popped the top just as Richard appeared alongside Dan.

‘What the hell were Pinky and Perky after?’ Richard demanded after the first half of the bottle had cleared his oesophagus.

‘They spoke to you?’

He nodded. ‘Weird as fuck. They were just getting into their motor when we pulled up. The brick shithouse got all excited and said, “That’s him,” to the Chris Cagney wannabe. She looked absolutely parrot and got out of the car.’

Richard paused to swallow again and Dan took up the tale. ‘She comes across to us and says to your man, “Are you Richard Barclay?” and he goes, “Yeah, who’s asking?” And she goes, “Police. Have you been the victim of any death threats?” And he looks at her as if she’s just dropped off the planet Demented and shakes his head.’

‘So she turns round and says, “Satisfied?” to her partner. She sounds dead narked, he looks as bemused as I feel, and off the pair of them go, little trotters twinkling all the way back to their unmarked pigsty,’ Richard concluded. ‘Now, I might not be Mastermind, but I reckon there’s a higher chance of me winning the Lottery than there is of that little encounter being completely unconnected to you.’

‘I cannot tell a lie,’ I said.

Richard snorted. To Dan, he said, ‘Do you know the story about the two Cretans? One could only tell lies, the other could only tell the truth. Guess which one is Brannigan?’

‘Hey,’ I protested. ‘This man is my client.’

‘That’s right,’ Dan said. ‘Gonnae no’ take the mince out of her?’

At last, something Richard and I could share, even if it was only total incomprehension. ‘What?’ we both chorused.

Dan looked like he was used to the reaction. ‘Doesnae matter,’ he sighed. ‘When it does, I’ll keep it simple enough for youse English, OK?’

I shooed the pair of them through to the living room and ran through my brief encounter. ‘Obviously, that toerag who was here the other night decided to warn me off,’ I concluded.

Richard frowned. ‘But how did he know who you were? Presumably, you were just Mrs Barclay to him. How did he make the connection to Kate Brannigan? Isn’t that a bit worrying?’

‘It would be if you hadn’t shouted “Brannigan” after me the other night when he was three steps in front of me,’ I said drily.

‘Which is not good news because if this guy knows your name, he’s going to come after you. And then he’ll be really sorry,’ Dan chipped in, making a sideways chopping gesture with his hand. His faith was touching.

‘I’m glad you dropped by,’ I said. ‘I’ve been making one or two inquiries about your problem. What I’m hearing as the most likely scenario is that it all comes down to flyposting. The person you’re using is almost certainly invading somebody else’s territory. Either by accident or deliberately.’

Dan pushed a hand through his long red fringe. He looked puzzled. ‘It’s kind of hard to get my head round that,’ he said. ‘The guy we’re using isn’t some new kid on the block. He’s been knocking around the Manchester promotions scene for years. He did everybody when they were nobody.’

‘You’re sure about that?’ I asked. ‘He’s not telling you porkies?’

Dan shook his head. ‘No way. We checked him out before we came down here. Lice knows this guy that used to drive the van for the Inspiral Carpets when they were just starting out, and it was him that told us about Sean.’

‘Sean?’

‘Sean Costigan,’ Dan said. ‘The guy that does our promotions.’

‘I need to talk to him. Can you give me his number?’

Dan pulled a face and looked to Richard for help. My lover was too busy building a spliff that would have spanned the Mersey to notice. ‘I’m not supposed to give his number out,’ Dan finally said. Embarrassment didn’t sit well on his ferocious appearance.

I took a deep breath. ‘I need to talk to him, Dan. I’m sure that when he told you not to hand out his number, he didn’t have people like me in mind.’

‘I don’t know,’ Dan hedged. ‘I mean, he’s not going to be very happy when he finds there’s a private polis on the end of his mobile, is he?’

Give me strength. ‘Tell him I’m the people’s pig,’ I said, exasperated. ‘Look, if you feel bad about giving me his number, you’re going to have to set up a meet between us. I can’t make any more progress until I talk to Sean Costigan myself. So if you don’t want to waste the money you’ve clocked up on my meter so far, you’d better get something sorted.’ I smiled sweetly. ‘More beer, anyone?’

Brannigan’s second rule of burglary: when in doubt, go home. I was already breaking rule number three, which states that you never burgle offices outside working hours because some nosey parker is bound to spot a light. One look at the back of the Compton Clinic told me that if I went ahead, I was going to be breaking the second rule too. Although the ginnel the clinic backed on to was only a narrow back alley, it was well lit. Never mind the block of flats behind me; any late-night carousers walking along Deansgate who happened to glance down the lane would immediately notice anything out of the ordinary.

And whatever means I used to get inside the clinic, ordinary wasn’t on the menu. I’d already seen the closed-circuit video surveillance in the hall, which ruled out going in through the rear entrance and getting to the second-floor consulting room via the main staircase. Alexis had told me that when they went for their Sunday consultations, she and Chris followed instructions to approach by climbing a fire escape which led up to a heavy door which in turn gave on to a landing between the first and second floors. The only problem with that approach was the security floodlight mounted on the back of the building which would make me as visible as a bluebottle on a kitchen worktop. And even if I got past that, the chances were strong that I wouldn’t be able to make it through the fire door which wasn’t going to be conveniently wedged open for me as it had been for Alexis and Chris.

There was nothing else for it. I was going to have to brazen it out and hope there were no police cars cruising the quiet midnight streets. I walked round the block till I was looking at the front door of the clinic. Like a lot of people who spend a few grand on state-of-the-art security, they had neglected to spend fifty quid on serious locks. There were two mortices and a Yale, and just glancing at them, I knew I was only looking at ten minutes max with my lock picks. I undid the middle button on Richard’s baggy but lightweight indigo linen jacket that was covering the leather tradesman’s apron which houses my going-equipped-to-burgle kit, and took out my set of picks. I shoved my black ski cap up a couple of inches and switched on the narrow-beamed lamp I had strapped round my head. I studied the top lock for a few seconds, then chose a slender strip of metal and started poking around. Even with the handicap of latex gloves, I had both mortices open in less than six minutes. The Yale was the work of a couple of minutes. Now for the difficult bit.

I turned the handle and pushed the door open. I heard the electronic beep of a burglar alarm about to have hysterics as I closed the door firmly behind me. I set the timing ring on the diver’s watch I was wearing. Locking the mortices should be slightly easier now I knew exactly which picks to use, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that the wailing klaxon of the burglar alarm put me off my stride. Five minutes later, I was locked in with an alarm that was louder than the front row at a heavy-metal gig. I switched off my lamp, opened the inside door but didn’t step into the hall just yet. There was still the small matter of the video camera. In the darkness, I strained my eyes to see if there were any dull glimmers, indicating sensors that would flood the hall with light. Nothing. I was going to have to chance it, and hope that the camera wasn’t loaded with infrared film. Somehow, I doubted it.