Tom Piccirilli - November Mourns

“It’s all the money she ever had at one time,” Doc said. “I kept her on a strict allowance ’cause she’d go all over the damn county looking for garage sales and bring home the most ugly piece of useless furniture you’ve ever seen. Wicker. All this goddamn wicker. Folks who make wicker seats are inhuman and ought to be torched at the stake.”

Doc had some issues. “Can’t say I blame you then.”

“You’re putting me in a bind.”

“Maybe three days ago you were in a bind. Now it’s more or less an afterthought.”

Doc considered that. “All right, I won’t go to the police. I’ll also deny that I was ever here. I got enough trouble in my life.”

“We all do. Thanks.”

“You mind telling me why you won’t go? That’s a bad rifle wound. You’ve got internal injuries. Even if you do heal up you’ll be bedridden for months. You’re always going to have a limp.”

“I’ve passed through the fire, Doc. God doesn’t want me. If he did, he would’ve taken me.”

“You’re raving.”

“You think so?”

Doc Bollar stepped back, his shoulders slouched, defeated long before he ever came to this house. In a confessional whisper, he asked, “What happened up there in those briar woods, Shad Jenkins?”

Jerilyn dead. Rebi dead.

Hart and Howell Wegg dead, one by Shad’s own hand.

How did you frame the overwhelming nature of it all, the crimes of his search? The enormity of the chasm he had crossed from one side to the other?

He wet his lips and kept at it for another minute, trying to find the right words to explain himself, and looking just as foolish and discouraged as the old man. Some questions you could never answer aloud. He finally managed to say, “So tell me, how’s your bunions, Doc?”

TANDY MAE LUSK, MEGAN’S MOTHER, THE THIRD WIFE of Karl Jenkins, had always been a little bowlegged. But in the past twenty years she’d gained some weight and birthed so many babies that her knees were now perpetually bent.

She had to sort of swing her way into the room as if her pelvis was cracked or her legs had been broken in the past. Some of the ill children huddled around her, others trailing behind and hanging back in the dark hall.

Shad had driven past the Lusk farm on occasion, pulled over on Route 18 to stare over at the house, wondering what it would’ve been like to have Tandy Mae for a stepmother for longer than the couple of years she’d shared with Pa. If he would’ve wound up stronger or simply been derailed even faster. And how Megan would’ve fared through her times of need if she’d had her mother’s care always on hand.

There are sorrows that can gut you a millimeter at a time, for years without you knowing it, until you wake up one day emptied out and completely hollow with no idea of how it happened.

That’s the kind of expression Tandy Mae Lusk wore now. She sent the kids from the room to do chores. They hobbled and rolled and cantered off, wriggling and creeping in a chaos of half-finished bodies. She didn’t address any of them by name.

Only the pumpkin-headed boy stayed close. Just outside the doorway but occasionally peeking in. Shad raised his hand and waved. The kid flapped his fingers back. He only had four.

Tandy Mae’s face was as closed as a fist, stony but not exactly angry. She still had a certain youthful appearance to her, as if she hadn’t quite grown old naturally but instead had the decades imposed on her all at once. Maybe it’s how she felt too.

What did it to you? Bearing this many ill children for whatever reason, unable to stop? Shad could see Tandy Mae’s husband forcing her to stay pregnant year in and out, hoping for the one normal son to finally show up. A boy to play baseball with and teach how to drive a car. After this many kids what finally made him leave?

She sat on the edge of the bed and stared at the floor as if expecting to be beaten. It gave Shad another view on what had gone on inside this house.

“Thank you for taking me in,” he said.

“I had no choice,” she told him with no hostility.

“You could’ve phoned the sheriff.”

“I think you would’ve killed me. You were about as close to dying without being dead as any man or animal I’ve ever seen. But you told me not to call, so I didn’t.”

He didn’t remember. “Or my father.”

It didn’t jolt her in the least. She seemed unaware that she’d once been married to the man. That this sort of situation might be considered uncomfortable by some. “I figured he knew what you were up to and had already made his peace with it. That’s the way your pa is.”

“You haven’t seen him for a long time.”

“Folks don’t change.”

“I suppose I have to agree.”

The pumpkin-headed boy shifted outside the room, and the floorboards creaked. “You want to talk about Megan now, don’t you?”

“Yes. Did she ever visit you, Tandy Mae?”

“A couple’a times over the last few months. She would stop by on occasion. She and that Callie Anson.”

“To drop off moon.”

She nodded. “My husband Jimmy Ray had a taste for it, though he didn’t indulge like some of them in the hollow.”

“Callie told me she didn’t know the farm.”

“You asked if she’d seen my children, didn’t you? She never saw them.”

“She didn’t know the name Lusk.”

“We had to sell the farm ten years back. We been tenants ever since, working for the man who bought it. His name is Cyril Patchee. This is the Patchee Place. When we put in an order for moon, we use Cyril’s name.”

“I never knew.”

“No reason why you should.”

“How was it? Seeing Megan again for the first time in years?”

Tandy Mae looked in his eyes for the first time. “It settled some of my heart. We didn’t talk much like mother and daughter. We chatted like a couple of old town nellies. She’d come on her own too and help me with the babies. She liked taking them down by the river and spending time there on the wet mornings. We got along fine, and she never took me to task for making the choices I made.”

Shad got the impression she was truly sorry for all the lost years. He tried to put a hand on her elbow, but he couldn’t make it without the stitches pulling.

“How’d she get here on those days when she was alone?” he asked. “It’s too far to walk. She couldn’t have taken Pa’s pickup without him knowing.”

“I don’t know. She’d just show up. I figured Callie was dropping her off down the road.”

“No,” Shad said. “Not Callie.”

“Well, someone then.”

That’s right, someone. “Did she ever talk about anyone? A boy or a man in her life?”

“No. But toward the end… the last one or two times I saw her… she seemed excited about something. Happy, the way a young girl should be.”

“A girl in love?”

Tandy Mae, who’d left his father to take up with her own cousin, forging a life from a leased hardscrabble farm and dying cherry trees, who perhaps knew a good deal about love, said, “Maybe. She had this new glow to her. She sometimes went down to the river after the kids were quieted and spent some time with a pad and pen. I think she wrote poetry.”

“Or letters.”

“Maybe so. The water trails past the edge of our property here, way out back, farther east than where you came down from. It wasn’t my place to act motherly. She was a girl who knew her own mind. Maybe she was meeting a boy there. I don’t rightly know.”

The rage woke inside him and he wanted to take Tandy Mae by the shoulders and shake her and ask why she let the girl go down there alone. After so much time had passed, why not ask questions and get to the truth instead of putting her to work watching over an ever-increasing band of ill children.