Todd Strasser - Kill You Last

“What about that girl on TV this morning?” I asked.

Dad ran his fingers through his hair. “We’re always on the lookout for new talent. Everybody in this business is.”

“But she said you charged much more.”

“It’s costly, sweetheart. The transportation…putting everyone up in the hotel. So we have to charge more for head shots than some local photographer with a studio in his garage. But what they didn’t say on TV this morning is we give them a lot more for their money. It’s not just the head shots. Any hack with a Nikon can charge rock-bottom prices for that. We’re a full-service agency. We can give these girls entree into the modeling world that no hack can match.”

I understood what he was saying, but there was something else. “But the girl on TV this morning said you never got her any jobs. Have you ever taken money from a girl who you knew had no chance of becoming a model?”

The skin around Dad’s eyes tightened. “Seriously, Shels? It’s not my job to judge who can and can’t be a model. That’s for magazine editors and ad directors to decide. My job is to give girls the best shot I can. I mean, if they want to give modeling a try, who am I to stop them?”

“What about the girls Janet approached in a mall?” I asked.

“What about the ones who never even thought about being models until she gave them her card and told them she thought they could do it?”

Dad placed a hand flat on the table and looked off. “Come on, sweetheart, doesn’t every girl dream of being a model at some point? That’s not an idea Janet put in their heads for the first time.”

I sipped my espresso and stared down at the tabletop, feeling my face grow warm with frustration. Did he really expect me to accept that explanation? Did he think I was that stupid? Or naive? The more I thought about it, the more upset I felt. I didn’t want to hear his rationales and justifications, just like I didn’t want him to be a man who preyed on young girls. But if that’s what he was, I just wished he’d come out and admit it. The fact that he couldn’t be honest with me hurt. My eyes began to well up with tears. I sniffed, wiped them away, and stared across the photo studio at the autographed photos on the wall, unable to look at him. “Dad, please just tell me the truth.”

He finished his espresso, turned the little cup upside down on the saucer, and sighed. “Okay, Shels, you want the truth? Maybe we did stretch it a little with some of the girls to cover our expenses. But think about who I was doing it for-for us. For our family, our house, our cars, our vacations, clothes, you name it…You have no idea how much money it takes to live the way we do.”

“Couldn’t you have just told us to cut back?” I asked. “Mom and I would have done it in an instant.”

Dad spun the little cup around in the saucer. The rattling sound echoed through the empty studio. “You mean, admit I was a failure?”

That caught me by surprise. “No! You’re not a failure. You’re a success. You’re amazing. You take beautiful pictures. You run a photo studio and a modeling agency. I mean-” I waved my hand toward the photos of successful models and actors whose careers he’d helped launch. “I mean, look at the people you’ve worked with.”

Dad snorted derisively. “Past performance is no guarantee of future results.”

“You should have told us,” I said, feeling terrible. “I don’t need to live in a big house with a swimming pool. I don’t even need to have a car.”

“And college?” Dad asked.

“I’ll go to the state university.

Dad hung his head. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I should have told you. I just…It’s not like we set out to con anyone. It just…happened…gradually. First it was one girl. Then two. Then a few each weekend. The money was coming in, and after a while we just stopped thinking about it.”

“What about Janet and Gabriel?” I asked. “They had to be in on it, too, right?”

Dad shrugged. “Janet probably noticed that I wasn’t turning anyone away, so she got less discriminating about who she picked. She knew that before I could pay her, I had to cover the travel and hotel expenses, and that the more girls she chose, the more chance there was that she’d make money. I mean, we were working weekends, Shels. People expect to make some money.”

He gave me a quizzical glance, as if my reaction was important. Then he added. “I made a mistake. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I truly am.”

It may have been strange to feel relief at a moment like that, but I did. I put my hand on his and squeezed it. “Dad, everyone makes mistakes. I can forgive you for that. I’m just glad you told me the truth.”

His eyes got glittery. “Thank you, sweetheart. You’re the best. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Dad.”

Was I disapointed? Yes. Did I feel Dad had let me down? Yes. There was no way around the fact that he’d been dishonest. But misleading those girls-even making promises he couldn’t keep-was a far cry from physically harming anyone. Now that I had the answer I’d needed, it would be best not to get marked absent from my afternoon classes. I’d just let myself out the back studio door when Gabriel drove into the parking lot. I braced myself. He’d gone on those weekend “fishing” trips with Dad and had seen the girls who’d come to the hotel for head shots. So he, too, had been in on the scam.

He stopped his car and lowered the window. “Hey.”

“Hi,” I said, deliberately monotone.

He tilted his head at the green sedans. “The cops again?”

I nodded. Gabriel gave me a long searching look, which made me feel uncomfortable.

“I have to get back to school,” I said.

“Wait. I really have to talk to you.” He got out and shoved his hands into his pockets. The breeze played with his hair. “Look, I just want to say I’m sorry.”

“For…?” As much as I didn’t want it to, a little part of me inside started to melt.

“What we did.” He tilted his head at the studio. “And for coming on a little too strong last night. For everything…It’s just that I’ve kind of…liked you for a really long time, but because I work for your dad…and because of what was going on here with the head shots…I didn’t feel like I could do anything about it.” He gave me another searching look. “You understand, don’t you?”

I nodded. It was what I’d always suspected. He’d been wary about getting involved with the boss’s daughter. Plus, he hadn’t wanted to be in the position of dating someone from whom he would have to keep the secret of Dad’s scam.

He put his hand on my arm. “So maybe…now that you know…if you still felt like it, we could see each other one of these days?”

I felt myself stiffen. Even as attracted to him as I felt, I’d have to think hard about that. He’d been part of the scam. Part of something that was unseemly and unethical, if not outright illegal. It was one thing to forgive Dad, whom I loved. But it was something else entirely to get emotionally involved with a guy who was capable of doing what he’d done. “I…I need to think about it,” I said honestly. “But I really appreciate everything you just said. Really. We’ll talk later, okay?”

Most people react to good news in the same way. But you can learn a lot about someone by how they react to bad news. Gabriel didn’t appear annoyed or resentful. Instead, he accepted what I said and even seemed a little regretful. “Yeah, I guess I understand.” He pursed his lips and gazed away.

He looked sad, and suddenly, I felt the urge to kiss him. Not on the lips, but just a peck on the cheek, which I did. “Hey, I didn’t say no. I just said I needed to think.”