William Bayer - Blind Side

"Which brings up my relationship with Mrs. Z. When I first came to New York, and I heard about her, I wanted desperately to join her class. She was a cult figure. She took very few students. It was extremely difficult to get in.

"I was on the waiting list, and when an opening came up I auditioned for it and she accepted me. The first year was great. Two full afternoons a week. I worked my ass off as a waitress to pay the fees, because I felt it was a privilege to study with her-a possible route to becoming a star.

"She had this idea about releasing the actor through uninhibited sexual play. There was a lot of that in class, and talk too of 'triggers,' nude work, stripped down psychodrama, the sacred ceremonial role of the actor as he who bares his naked self.

"She experimented with us. The sex stuff seemed to fascinate her, and we loved it-we knew it was daring and felt it put us on the cutting edge. Then one day she seemed to change, as if what we were doing released something dark inside, As if, in a single day, this fairly classy woman became, well . . . evil.

"Because, you see, a woman like her would never do what she did unless she enjoyed it."

"You're saying she got corrupted?"

"I think the corruption was already there."

"So suddenly the legendary acting coach became a sex-show impresario?"

"Yeah. And the shows were fascinating, Geoffrey. Very well done. Mrs. Z couldn't do them any other way. I loved being in them, There was this extraordinary feeling afterwards. Exhilaration and release."

She smiled, picked up her glass, slowly drank off her wine. For a moment there was a sparkle of Just in her eyes. Then it faded as she thought of something else.

"The first time the Masked Man asked for a private session with Sonya, Mrs. Z got very huffy, as if such a thing was too outrageous even to consider. Now I think it was a setup, that she knew from the start that Darling would make that request, and that her refusal, her huffiness, and the negotiations that followed were just a charade for Sonya's benefit.

"You know what happened-Sonya was paid ten thousand dollars. Cash! Incredible! Then the two of them went down to Mrs. Z's apartment on the floor below."

"What did Sonya agree to do?"

"The same as the call girl I told you about, Be tied up, drugged, then have a few bones broken. And because Sonya knew the threats were real, she expected to beg and cry and offer to do all sorts of awful things if only the Masked Man would relent."

"Sexual things?"

"More like degrading things, the more degrading the better. He wanted to see the Ice Maiden crawl. And she did-I'm sure of it. She spoke to me briefly be fore she went down.

" 'I'm going to do everything he asks,' she said, 'because I don't want to get messed up.'

" 'But you will get messed up. You know that. That's what all that money's for,' I said.

"She said she knew that, but still she thought she could avoid the worst of it if she conducted herself in a certain way. She had this idea that if she debased herself enough, she could satisfy him without having to be hurt. Poor Sonya! She thought she could wear him out. She didn't understand. She was going to have to pay for all the times she'd played the queen. The fact that he was accustomed to seeing her as dominant made her all the more valuable as a slave.

"While it was going on, Shadow and I waited upstairs to take her home. Mrs. Z just sat there playing solitaire. We never found out exactly what happened. God knows, Darling wasn't touched by her submissiveness. In fact, too much of it may have pushed him out of control. The way it ended up, he broke her neck."

Kim wept as she told me this; tears streamed down her face. And I felt the same hollow sickening feeling in my stomach. I pushed my food away.

"Which brings me finally," she said, "to that Saturday night when everything fell apart. I told you how Rakoubian approached me, what we agreed to do. After he got his pictures, I went to Mrs. Z. I was nervous, but I was a good enough actress to cover up.

"I laid it out for her: the Masked Man was Arnold Darling. I had proof, including a picture that showed him taking off his mask.

"She asked to see it. I showed it to her. She shook her head, pretende she was surprised. S e'd maintains all along she didn't know who he was, but I knew she was lying.; her reaction was so obviously feigned.

'So what do you want?" she asked. I told her a million dollars. She said that was absurd, that; the material didn't justify anywhere near that kind of money.

"I told her the amount didn't seem so large to me, not with a homicide involved.

"She listened, and then she asked: 'What do you want of me?'

"I told her I wanted her to act as go-between, and for that she'd get ten percent,

" 'And if I refuse?" she asked.

" 'You won't,' I said. 'Because you're guilty too for Sonya's death.'

"She understood, She said she'd give it some thought. I told her not to think too long, because if I didn't @ear from her soon, I'd take the pictures to the cops.

"She looked at me quite strangely then, and then she kind of smiled. 'Be careful, my pet. You're playing with fire." Then she kissed me on both cheeks.

"The next week or so was pretty tense. Adam was calling me every day. I tried not to let on to you that anything was wrong. I brought Shadow down to meet You. I was glad you two got along.

"The only odd thing was the call from Amanda Duquayne, and that was only strange in retrospect. I told you we'd done these little numbers together. But I hadn't heard from her in quite a while. Anyway, you know what happened. We went there, quarreled, then I went home to discover someone had broken into my apartment.

"But not really, you see, because the lock wasn't broken. Someone got in with a key, then tore the place apart. Dresses slashed. Shoes clipped in half. Like he went through all our stuff with a gardening shears." She made quick scissoring motions with her hands.

"He must have been looking for the photographs."

Kimberly shook her head, "I'd given-Mrs. Z the standard line: the pictures were 'deposited' with a friend, and if anything happened to me, such as an 'accident,' they'd be released immediately."

"they were deposited with Rakoubian, of course." She nodded.

"Still, you must have been scared?"

"Out of my mind. So right away I called Adam and he said 'Stay cool,' we had to expect a move like this, it was just a negotiating tactic, their way to soften me up so they could whittle down the price. I asked him if he thought the Duquayne invitation was a ruse to get me out of the apartment. He said it probably was. Then he told me again not to worry, that it only meant they were getting ready to close on a deal.

"But I was worried, and when Shadow didn't show, I became very concerned. Sure, she stayed out sometimes, but she always called me when she did. I barely slept. Then, when you woke me up, I started cleaning the apartment just so I wouldn't have to think."

"You told me you and Shadow had a modeling session."

"What we had scheduled was a rehearsal."

"At Mrs. Z's?" She nodded.

"It was to be just the two of us late that night, preparing a scene for a new client, someone we hadn't met."

"What happened?"

"I always knew I'd have to leave New York, no matter I'd told Rakoubian, of how the blackmail turned out. course, and Shadow too, my explanation being that since Sonya's 'accident,' I'd grown so fearful of Mrs. Z, I was afraid to stay in town. I also told Jess Harrison, the guy down the hall with AIDS. But I never told any of them about Key West. And I was careful when I bought my ticket. Even though it cost me more, I bought one with open dates and used a phony name.

"I spent most of that day getting ready to leave. I