Kealan Burke: Offline

Copyright 2011 by Kealan Patrick Burke

What follows is the transcript from a series of screenshots emailed to the Columbus City Police on June 7th, 2011, and subsequently distributed to the media. In the wake of the investigation and as a result of the extensive media coverage, countless falsified copies and revised versions of the document were later posted to various social media platforms via a "meme" which later proved to be a virus.

This is the official authorized version of the document

May 2nd, 2010

Josh:Hey

Mandy:hi

Josh:Thanks for accepting my request

Mandy:np. Why did you add me?

Josh:thought we had a lot in common

Mandy:cool

Josh:plus, you're hot, lol!

Mandy:thx

Josh:so how r you?

Mandy:good. Gotta go.

Josh:ok

Mandy is offline

May 3rd, 2010

Josh:Hi Mandy

Mandy:hey

Josh:What's going on?

Mandy:nt much. u?

Josh:cooking

Mandy:that's cool

Mandy is offline

May 4th, 2010

Josh:Hey.

Mandy:Hey.

Josh:What are you up to?

Mandy:Txtng my friend

Josh:Cool. How is she?

Mandy:Not so good. Her online 'boyfriend' just dumped her…lol.

Josh:that sucks.

Mandy:Yeah. I better go.

Josh:Oh, ok. Sorry I bothered you.

Mandy:You didn't. ttyl.

Josh:Ok.

Mandy is offline

May 5th, 2010

Josh:Hey

Mandy:Hey.

Josh:How are you?

Mandy:Ok. u?

Josh:bored

Mandy:sorry to hear that.

Josh:I like your new profile pic.

Mandy:thx!

Josh:you should be a model

Mandy:lol. Yeah, right.

Josh:I'm serious. You look a bit like Celine Dion, only hotter…!

Mandy:Ugh, Celine Dion is gross, lol.

Josh:lol, sorry! Well you're not gross.

Mandy:thx

Josh:so do you have a boyfriend?

Mandy is offline

May 7th, 2010

Josh:Hey

Mandy:Hi. Jeez, do you ever sleep?

Josh:what do you mean?

Mandy:you're always on here.

Josh:not always. But a lot, I guess. Nothing better to do, lol.

Josh:what are you up to?

Mandy:not much. Just responding to email

Josh:sweet.

Josh:do you get much email?

Mandy:lol

Josh:what?

Mandy:nothing. Just an odd question

Josh:oh, lol. Sorry. Just really bored. Not many people to talk to on here

Mandy:aww

Josh:I don't have many friends

Mandy:on FB?

Josh:anywhere

Mandy:that's sad. Sorry:-(

Josh:s'okay. Where I live it's hard to be popular

Mandy: where do you live?

Josh:did you look at my profile?

Mandy:no, sorry. I will now.

Josh:cool

Mandy:You're in Urbana?

Josh:yep

Mandy:cool. I used to live there a few years ago

Josh:I know

Mandy:ummm…how do u know, lol?

Josh:says you went to school there on your profile, silly, lol.

Mandy:lol. Blonde moment. Sorry.

Josh:yeah, but you're not blonde:-)

Mandy:I am actually;-)

Josh:in your picture you are, but you're originally a brunette, right?

Mandy:how do you know that?

Josh is offline

May 10th, 2010

Mandy:Hi!

Josh:Hey

Mandy:Quick question…

Josh:sure

Mandy:when I talked to you before, you said I wasn't a real blonde

Josh:yes. Sorry about that. Didn't mean to upset you

Mandy:Nah, it's cool. Just wondering how you knew that?

Josh:so it's true?

Mandy:Yeah, but I've been a blonde for a long time

Josh:why?

Mandy:???

Mandy:Why what?

Josh:why are you blonde?

Mandy:Uh…I dunno. I just prefer it. I like how it looks, I guess.

Josh:makes sense

Mandy:So, how did you know? Is it obvious or something, lol!

Josh:Nah, you just look like you used to be a brunette

Mandy:Oh. In a bad way?

Josh:No

Mandy:Ok, phew, lol. So whatchoo doing?

Josh:Not much. Bad day

Mandy:what happened?

Josh is offline

May 11th, 2010

Josh:Hi Mandy

Mandy:Hey

Josh:Sorry about yesterday

Mandy:S'ok.

Josh:I've been going through some stuff. Makes me cranky, lol.

Mandy:no probs. Happens to me all the time. Everything ok?

Josh:I like your new profile pic

Mandy:awesome, thanks so much! Do you like it better than the Celine Dion one, lol!

Josh:Yes. Looks like you didn't crop it enough though on the right side.

Mandy:I was kind of in a hurry. Does it look bad?

Josh:No, but you can see your boyfriend's arm in it.

Mandy:Yeah, I like how I look in that picture so I wanted to put it up.

Mandy:If I cropped it anymore tho, I'd have had to cut myself in half, lol.

Josh:So who's the guy?

Mandy:An ex. A jerk.

Josh:why'd u break up?

Mandy:He cheated on me.

Josh:Ouch

Mandy:Yeah.

Josh:He'll get what's coming to him tho. Everybody does

Mandy:I guess. So what kind of music do you like?

Josh:It's on my profile

Mandy:K, will check it out

Josh:K

Mandy is offline

May 13th, 2010

Mandy:Hi

Josh:Sup?