David Peace - 1974

Moustache said nothing, just smiled.

My right hand throbbed blood and pus.

Sandy came back with a blanket and put it over my shoulders.

He sat down and took out a pack of JPS, offering one to Moustache.

Moustache took out a lighter and lit both their cigarettes.

They sat back and blew smoke at me.

My hands began to twitch.

Moustache leant forward and dangled the cigarette over my right hand, rolling it between two fingers.

I pulled my hand back a bit.

Suddenly he leant forward and grabbed my right wrist with one hand, grinding the cigarette into the back of my hand with the other.

I screamed.

He let go of my wrist and sat back.

“Put your hands back.”

I put them on the table.

My burnt skin stank.

“Another?” said Sandy.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he said, taking another JPS.

He lit the cigarette and stared at me.

He leant forward and began to dangle the cigarette over my hand.

I stood up, “What do you want?”

“Sit down.”

“Tell me what you want!”

“Sit down.”

I sat down.

They stood up.

“Stand up.”

I stood up.

“Eyes front.”

I could hear a dog barking.

I flinched.

“Don’t move.”

They moved the chairs and tables to the wall and left the room.

I stood in the centre of the room, staring at the white wall, not moving.

I could hear screams and the dog barking in another room.

The screaming and the barking went on for what seemed like an hour, and then stopped.

Silence.

I stood in the centre of the room, wanting a piss, listening to the humming of the lights.

Sometime later the door opened and two big men in good suits came in.

One of the men had grey greased-back hair and was about fifty. The other man was younger with brown hair and an orange tie.

They both smelt of drink.

Grey and Brown walked around me in silence.

Then Grey and Brown brought the chairs and table back to the centre of the room.

Grey put a chair behind me.

“Sit down.”

I sat down.

Grey picked up the blanket from the floor and put it over my shoulders.

“Put your palms flat on the desk,” said Brown, lighting a cigarette.

“Please tell me what you want.”

“Put your palms flat.”

I did as I was told.

Brown sat down opposite me, while Grey walked around the room.

Brown laid a pistol on the table between us and smiled.

Grey stopped walking around and stood behind me.

“Eyes front.”

Suddenly Brown jumped up and pinned down my wrists, as Grey grabbed the blanket and twisted it around my face.

I fell forward off the chair, coughing and choking, unable to breathe.

They continued to hold down my wrists, continued to twist the blanket around my face.

I knelt on the floor, coughing and choking, unable to breathe.

Suddenly Brown let go of my wrists and I spun round in the blanket into a wall.

Crack.

Grey threw off the blanket and picked me up by the hair, standing me against the wall.

“Turn round and eyes front.”

I turned round.

Brown had the pistol in his right hand and Grey had some bullets and was throwing them up and catching them.

“Boss says it’s all right to shoot him.”

Brown held the pistol with both hands at arm’s length, poin ting at my head.

I closed my eyes.

There was a click and nothing happened.

“Fuck.”

Brown turned away, fiddling with the pistol.

There was piss running down my leg.

“I’ve fixed it. It’ll be all right this time.”

Brown pointed the pistol again.

I closed my eyes.

There was a loud bang.

I thought I was dead.

I opened my eyes and saw the pistol.

There were shreds of black material coming out of the barrel, floating down to the floor.

Brown and Grey were laughing.

“What do you want?”

Grey stepped forward and kicked me in the balls.

I fell to the floor.

“What do you want?”

“Stand up.”

I stood up.

“On your toes.”

“Please tell me?”

Grey stepped forward again and kicked me in the balls. I fell to the floor.

Brown walked over, kicked me in the chest, and then hand cuffed my hands behind my back, pushing my face towards the floor.

“You don’t like dogs, do you Eddie?”

I swallowed.

“What do you want?”

The door opened and a uniformed policeman came in with an Alsatian on a lead.

Grey pulled my face up by my hair.

The dog was staring at me, panting, its tongue out.

“Get him, get him.”

The dog started growling and barking and straining on its leash.

Grey pushed my head forward.

“He’s starving.”

“He’s not the only one.”

“Careful.”

The dog was getting nearer.

I struggled, crying, trying to get loose.

Grey pushed me in closer.

The dog was a foot away.

I could see its gums, see its teeth, smell its breath, feel its breath.

The dog was growling and barking and straining on its leash.

Shit fell from my arse.

Spit from its gums hit my face.

Everything was going black.

“Tell me what I’ve done.”

“Again.”

The dog was inches away.

I closed my eyes.

“Tell me what I’ve done.”

“Again.”

“Tell me what I’ve done.”

“Good boy.”

Everything was black and the dog was gone.

I opened my eyes.

Detective Superintendent Noble was sitting across the table opposite.

I was naked, shivering, sitting in my own shit.

Detective Superintendent Noble lit a cigarette.

I flinched.

“Why?”

Tears welled in my eyes.

“Why’d you do it?”

“I’m sorry.”

“That’s good.”

Detective Superintendent Noble gave me his cigarette.

I took it.

He lit another.

“Just tell me why?”

“I don’t know.”

“Shall I help you?”

“Yes.”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sir.”

“You fancied her, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fancied her loads, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“But she wouldn’t give you any, would she?”

“No, sir.”

“What wouldn’t she give you?”

“She wouldn’t give me any.”

“She didn’t want any, did she?”

“No, sir.”

“But you took some anyway, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did you take?”

“I took some anyway.”

“Took her in the cunt, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Took her in the mouth, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Took her up the arse, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did you do?”

“I took her in the cunt.”

“And?”

“I took her in the mouth.”

“And?”

“I took her up the arse.”

“You didn’t care, did you?”

“No, sir.”

“She wouldn’t shut up though, would she?”

“No, sir.”

“Then what?”

“She wouldn’t shut up.”

“Said she was going to tell the police, didn’t she?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did she say?”

“Said she was going to tell the police.”

“We couldn’t have that could we?”

“No, sir.”

“So you had to shut her up, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Strangled her, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did you do?”

“I strangled her.”

“But she was still looking at you, wasn’t she?”

“Yes, sir.”

“So you cut off her hair, didn’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“What did you do?”

“I cut off her hair.”

“Why?”

“I cut off her hair.”