David Peace - 1983

The shrubbery .

After a minute BJ step out into street and walk along pavement next to big and busy road, walk towards roundabout where BJ will hitch out of here -

Out of Nazi Germany .

BJ walking along, yellow lights coming towards BJ like stars, red lights leaving BJ like sores, practising German and thinking about trying to cross to other side where it’s just factories; fires burning and smoke rising, crows picking at white bones of babies and their mothers, screaming:

‘ Hex, hex, hex, hex, hex, hex -

‘Hex, hex, hex, hex, hex, hex -

‘Hex, hex, hex, hex, hex, hex.’

Thinking at least there’d be somewhere to hide -

Somewhere to hide .

Then car stops -

His car -

His car stops. He winds down window -

He says: ‘You’re going to catch your death, Barry.’

‘Please,’ BJ say. ‘Help me.’

He raises brow of his black hat. He looks up at black afternoon sky and black rain. He says: ‘Are you sorry?’

BJ nod.

‘Sorry for all the things that you’ve done?’

BJ looking left and right, left and then right. BJ say: ‘I am sorry.’

He unlocks door. BJ get in, sliding over into back -

Car damp and cold, black briefcase beside BJ.

He starts car. He says: ‘Keep your head down.’

BJ do as he says.

On motorway, BJ look up from leather seat: ‘Where we going?’

‘Church,’ he says.

It is 1980.

He found me hiding -

In Church of Abandoned Christ in sixth flat on second floor of sixth house in Portland Square in ghost bloodied old city of Leodis, BJ lost again; all covered in sleep and drunk upon a double bed, lost in another room; hair shaved again and eight eyes shined, BJ be once more Northern Son. Black Angel beside BJ upon bed; his clothes shabby and wings burnt; he is Hierophant, Father of Fear, and he is weeping, whispering old death songs:

Knew I was not happy -

‘Through thee Church, E met Michael and Carol Williams at their house in Ossett in December 1974 where E had been invited to lecture on thee Irvingites. We took communion of ready-sliced bread and undiluted Ribena. During prayers thee next day Michael spoke in glossolalia for thee first time. Thee three of us wept for it is thee gift of thee Holy Spirit. It is beautiful and it is frightening.

Scratching my head -

‘And suddenly there came a sound from heaven as of a rushing mighty wind. It filled all their house on Towngate where we were sitting. And there appeared unto us cloven tongues as of fire and they sat upon Michael. And he was filled with thee Holy Ghost and began to speak with other tongues as thee Spirit gave him utterance.

Confused beyond existence -

‘In January 1975 Michael suddenly visited me. He said he had seen thee Devil who had told him to go and kill himself in his car. He then kissed me upon thee lips. It was not a Christian kiss and we bounced off each other, repelled.

Sat in the corner, shivering from fright -

‘Thee following day Michael approached neighbours in thee street. He told them thee world was coming to an end. He came to thee Church and told me he had been seduced by thee Devil. E recited a prayer of absolution, thee Infilling of thee Holy Spirit. He was strained and tired and went home before night fell. He was afraid of thee dark.

Feeling strung up -

‘On Friday 24 January Michael told Carol to get rid of all thee crosses and religious books in thee house and she did so. When it was time to go to bed he left thee radio on. He was frightened of thee silence of thee night.

Out of my clothes and into the bed -

‘On thee Saturday E decided to give Michael and Carol a rest from their troubles. They would, E believed, benefit from a car ride in thee fresh air of thee Yorkshire Dales. As E drove out Wharfedale way, Carol seemed relieved until Michael suddenly uttered a piercing scream. It was as if all his prayers vociferated in one high-pitched cry full of pent-up blasphemies and curses. “He desperately needs help,” said Carol.

The movements in his bed -

‘E turned thee car around and headed back to thee Church. By 7.30 p.m., Michael was behaving irrationally, violently and noisily. He picked up my cat and flung it through thee window. Food was placed before him to placate and occupy his mind, but he threw it on thee floor. It was my view that an enormous force of evil was emanating from Michael and that this was undoubtedly a case of demonic possession. It was clear from Carol’s words that she was convinced that her ex-husband Jack was connected with some Satanic group and that he had pledged Michael to thee Devil. Michael’s violence of speech and action, his threat to murder someone and thee fact that he invoked thee power of thee moon persuaded me that thee exorcism should begin immediately without further delay.

So sorry, sad and so, so confused -

‘E took him to thee vestry at thee side of thee Church and there E laid him on his back on a pile of red, gold and green cassocks. E stood over him asking him questions, finding answers, putting suggestions, saying prayers, and casting out thee devils one by one. E named each devil by its own evil: bestiality, lewdness, blasphemy, heresy, masochism and so forth. A wooden crucifix given to him by his wife was repeatedly put in his mouth as E prayed for him. He writhed and thrashed on thee floor. Carol and E had to hold him down forcibly. Every time he puffed out his cheeks and gasped and panted for breath, another demon had been expelled. However, by noon on thee Sunday we were all exhausted. He was rid of forty demons but alas there were two still inside of him: violence and murder.

Between life and death -

‘E felt that there was a doll somewhere for Michael like thee witchcraft dolls into which people stick pins; unless it was found and burned E would never be able to cast out thee spirit of murder for E had had thee word from God that if Michael went home that afternoon he would kill his wife. E tried to contact a medical officer of some sort but, as it was a Sunday, E could find none. E called thee police but Carol said Michael would be cross if thee police were called into this matter. So at 8.30 p.m., E drove Michael and Carol home. E left at 9 p.m. in search of thee doll and Carol’s ex-husband. Thee last thing Carol said was, “My husband is going to have a good rest.”

Lost in room -

‘E finally returned with her ex-husband, Jack. Michael Williams was on his hands and knees with his forehead touching thee lawn. He was naked except for his socks and his wife’s rings on his fingers. It was with these very fingers he had torn out her eyes and her tongue and, as she lay choking on her own blood on thee grass, he had hammered a twelve-inch nail into thee top of her skull. His hands, arms and body were bloody and beside him was thee hammer. Thee first policeman asked him, “Where did all that blood come from?”

‘“It is thee blood of Satan.”

‘“Did you kill your wife?”

‘“No, not her,” he said. “E loved her.”’

They found me hiding -

In Church of Abandoned Christ in sixth flat on second floor of sixth house in Portland Square in ghost bloodied old city of Leodis, BJ still lost; all covered in sleep and drunk upon a double bed, lost in so, so many rooms; hair shaved again and eight eyes shined, BJ be this Northern Son. Black Angel beside BJ upon bed; his clothes shabby and his wings burnt, he has dolls in his pocket; he is Hierophant, Father of Fear, and he whispers:

‘It is time to bring Jack home again.’

In the shadow -

Rings upon the bed -

In the shadow of the Horns -