Sara Foster - Beneath the Shadows

Ben unlocked the doors as he went swiftly around to the driver’s side. ‘Don’t panic, Grace, we’ll be there in ten minutes,’ he said as they climbed inside.

During the journey, Grace jiggled her knees up and down impatiently. But as they came onto the long gravel drive she was distracted from her worry, as Ben said, ‘Look, why don’t I leave you all to have Christmas dinner on your own. I don’t want to intrude.’

‘Ben, you’re not intruding – really,’ Grace insisted, keen for him to come after he had been so gently supportive of her tonight. ‘We’d love to have you. Annabel will grumble all day if you back out now…’

‘Well, all right, if you’re sure.’

For some reason his detachment infuriated her, and she twisted in her seat to face him. ‘Ben, why are you house-sitting in the middle of nowhere on your own? What’s going on?’ Jenny’s wary face and long auburn hair flashed through her mind. What role did that woman play in his life?

Ben lapsed into silence for a long moment, his features grim, before he said, ‘I have some unfinished business, like you.’

‘You skirt around giving straight answers every single time, do you realise that?’ Grace demanded, irritated.

She saw his jaw tighten. ‘Grace, I can assure you, this is not a Christmas Day kind of conversation.’

She sat back in her seat with an exasperated sigh, unable to think of a reply.

When they reached the end of the drive, instead of going right to the car park, Ben pulled up on the grass beforehand.

‘Will you be all right from here?’ he asked.

‘Yes, of course,’ she said, puzzled. But before she could turn away, he slowly leaned towards her, and she felt her heartbeat skitter as his face drew close to hers. She smelled his aftershave again, studied the taut line of his jaw, and when his face was almost touching hers, she looked into his eyes. He was watching her curiously.

She had forgotten to breathe. Then she heard the latch of her door as he opened it for her, and he straightened back up into his seat, even though he was still scrutinising her.

‘Ben,’ Grace began as she let go of her breath, forgetting that anyone was waiting for her now. She sensed she might not get another chance at such intimacy with him. ‘You can trust me, you know.’

Ben leaned back, staring at the car roof. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I know that, Grace. I just don’t want you to think…’ He stopped, apparently lost for the next words. Then he turned to face her. ‘I left here under a cloud, Grace. A very, very black cloud.’

‘Even so, can’t you come and join the final hour of the party?’ she urged, giving his sleeve a small tug of encouragement. ‘Have a drink for Christmas, forget your troubles for a little while. You can stick with us,’ she added, in case he was worried about more reactions like those of the publicans in Roseby – briefly trying to imagine what he might have done to have caused them, then wishing she hadn’t.

‘I wish I could. I drove all the way over here because my sister told me to come – in fact she said it was an excellent idea – but now I’m here I doubt it very much.’

‘I didn’t know you had a sister,’ Grace said, pleased that he had shared this small confidence with her.

‘I have four of them, Grace,’ Ben replied, ‘and three are in there right now, along with my mother, who hasn’t spoken to me for fourteen years, and who still isn’t ready to talk to me now.’

Grace’s mouth dropped open as her mind began clicking things into place.

‘Meredith?’ she breathed, unable to believe it.

‘Yes, Grace,’ Ben said. ‘Meredith is my mother.’

Grace was stunned, but as she sat beside Ben with no idea what to say next, she caught sight of two people standing on the front steps to the hall, looking around while they talked agitatedly.

Ben had spotted them too. ‘You’d better go.’

‘Will you be okay?’

He turned to smile at her, though his eyes were weary. ‘I’m fine, Grace. You go now, I’ll see you tomorrow.’

She gave him a worried glance, climbed out of the car and heard him reversing down the road. She waited a moment then began to walk up to the hall.

James and Annabel swooped on her as soon as they saw her. Annabel was beside herself, declaring that the party was definitely over and they were heading back.

‘Don’t you EVER do that to me again,’ she shouted at Grace. ‘Where the hell have you been?’

‘I needed some time to myself,’ Grace told them, grateful that the music from inside was drowning out their remonstrations, and reluctant to tell them that she had been with Ben, knowing they were likely to read it all wrong.

They walked to the car. Once they were inside, Annabel refused to speak to Grace for the rest of the journey. Grace looked to James for support, but he stared stonily ahead as he drove, and made no move to dispel the fraught atmosphere.

Grace glanced out of the window, exhaustion creeping over her. The roads heading home were disturbingly hushed. The headlights’ full beam did their best to penetrate the black night, but to little effect.

It was hard to believe it was Christmas Day. She had a suspicion that when they got up again in a few hours, it would feel more like going through the motions than a true celebration. She remembered Ben, standing outside the hall tonight, so close and yet so far removed from the rest of his family. What on earth had happened to make it that way?

She was tempted to share her discoveries – it might thaw the frostiness in the car – but stopped herself, feeling she could be betraying Ben’s confidence. He would tell them about it himself if he wanted to.

‘People were saying we’re in for a heavy snowfall tomorrow,’ James said beside her, breaking her train of thought.

‘Good job you stocked up today then,’ Grace responded, after which they said nothing further.

Grace was relieved when the Roseby village sign flashed by them. As they pulled up outside the cottage, she remembered Millie with a guilt-laden jolt. How could she have left her alone out here? What if something had gone wrong and Millie had needed her? She hurried inside and found Emma lazing sleepily on the sofa, the television burbling in the background. ‘Not a peep,’ she reassured Grace. ‘I hope you had a good time.’

Grace said her thanks, and saw Emma out. Then she crept in to Millie’s room, peeked briefly at her daughter’s peaceful, sleeping face, whispered, ‘Happy Christmas, little one,’ and took herself off to bed.

When Grace woke up, she was pleased to discover that it had been a rare night without dreams. Her head felt groggy, however, and a dull ache began as she remembered what Liza had told her about Adam. She went in to see Millie, and found her standing holding the bars of the cot, cuddling Mr Pink while eying her full stocking in the corner with a mixture of wonder and apprehension.

Grace gave Millie a few presents to open. They had only got as far as unwrapping a board book and a jigsaw puzzle when the child began to lose interest, and Grace smiled as Millie grabbed Mr Pink, threw him ahead of her and crawled towards the door. As they were going downstairs, Annabel appeared and headed towards the bathroom. ‘Merry Christmas,’ Grace said, but Annabel just grunted.

James was already up and drinking coffee at the kitchen table.

‘I’m sorry if I scared you last night,’ Grace began as soon as she saw him.

‘Never mind. As long as you’re all right?’

‘I am… though I don’t know if Annabel will be talking to me today.’

‘Now don’t be too hard on Annabel,’ James said. ‘Remember, Adam went missing around here. So when you go MIA, she worries – she’s bound to.’