D. Gilles - Colder Than Death

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Grave robbers looking for jewels while breaking into mausoleums in a 200-year-old cemetery stumble onto the remains of a body that shouldn’t be there: a teenaged girl. They take off, leaving the door to the mausoleum open. The cemetery night watchman finds the body and calls the police who in turn call Del Coltrane, the 33-year-old funeral director of Henderson’s Funeral Home.
Although Del isn’t used to murder, he’s used to death, so initially this is just another corpse. But after the victim is identified as a local teen long thought to be a runaway, Del is pulled into the case as a favor to the tough-as-nails 15-year-old niece of the dead girl. Gradually he realizes a serial killer has been preying on the women in his town for 20 years.
D.B. Gilles is the author of the comic novel
. He teaches Screenwriting & Comedy Writing at New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts. A produced and published playwright, he is also one of the most in-demand script consultants and writing coaches in the country. He wrote the popular screenwriting book
. He has also written books on filmmaking (
) and comedy (
).

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“This is Del. Hi.”

“Quilla had an urgency in her voice that I’m not used to. Is she okay?”

“She’s fine. It’s just that she and I were talking about her Aunt’s disappearance and your name came up and…”

My name?” she said, surprised.

Quilla grabbed the phone. “Let me do this. You’re too slow. Hi, Gretch… I’m okay… Yes!… I know this might sound crazy, but Del and I need to talk to you about your relationship with Aunt Brandy…Well, mainly because we want to talk to you before Perry Cobb talks to you… Because he found out you knew Aunt Brandy… Kind of indirectly through me…If we could talk to you it’ll all make sense… Now?…” Quilla looked at me. “She can do it now.”

“I can’t do it now.”

“Now’s bad for Del…Uh-huh…Hold on, Gretchen.” She cupped the phone. “She has to take her dad to the eye doctor and then she has a meeting. The only time she can do it is right now .” Her eyes pleaded with me. “Can’t the funeral arrangements wait a few minutes? It won’t take that long. C’mon, Del If we can’t meet with Cobb for a day or two, let’s at least get Gretchen out of the way. The man who died is gone. It won’t matter to him.”

“But it matters to his family.”

“Did anyone murder him?” She pounded her right hand on the dashboard. “Is anyone in his family going out of their mind with grief.”

“What are you getting at?”

“I’ve waited more than half my life to hunt down the guy who killed my Aunt. And if Gretchen has something useful to say, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to wait a few more minutes before you start burying somebody else.”

She glared at me. The passion in her eyes did me in.

“Alright,” I said with resignation.

She brought the Blackberry to her mouth and said, “We’ll be right over.”

* * *

Within ten minutes I was pulling into the driveway of Gretchen’s house, a well-kept Cape Cod with an addition on the back. Quilla was animated as she got out of the car, trotted to the front door and rang the doorbell. A moment later a hand reached out and open the screen door. I assumed Gretchen would be standing there to greet us. But it wasn’t Gretchen’s hand. It was a man’s. Then I saw his face. He smiled as if he were a grandfather welcoming his grandchild.

I knew that it was Kyle Thistle. As I stepped into the house I knew he couldn’t have killed Alyssa. He was in the institution. But I couldn’t help wondering if I was looking at the man who killed Gretchen’s mother and Brandy Parker.

Perry said that Kyle Thistle was in his mid-60s, but he looked closer to eighty. Oily gray hair turning white in spots, thinning in random splotches, a dulled look in his brown eyes and an inappropriate smile that I suspected was a permanent fixture. He had a confused, lost look about him that made him seem almost childlike. I wondered if he had always been like this or if it was the result of spending a dozen years in a state-run mental institution.

Quilla hugged him as if he were family. He patted her on top of her head. She loved it. Her need for paternal tenderness tugged at my heart.

“This is Del Coltrane,” she said as we stepped into the living room. “Del, this is Mister Thistle.”

He extended his hand and warmly said “Kyle.” I took his hand, amazed at how small and delicate it was.

Gretchen suddenly appeared, coming up to us from a hallway that separated the living room from the dining room. She was wearing the same clothes she had on at the funeral. She didn’t look especially happy to see me. If anything, the passive expression on her face led me to believe that seeing me was no big deal for her. She nodded at me and hugged Quilla, saying, “Didn’t think I’d be seeing you again today.” Then she turned to her father. “We’ll be in the kitchen.”

Kyle ambled slowly to a recliner with a paisley design in the living room.

Gretchen led us into a spacious, comfortable kitchen that looked like it could be the set for a TV cooking program.

“Sit down,” said Gretchen, gesturing towards the large, round oak table. A burnished orange bowl with three Granny Smith apples in it was in the middle of the table.

I sat. So did Quilla. Gretchen leaned against the sink.

“What’s this all about?” she said firmly, as if she were an attorney waiting to present an argument.

“I’ll try to simplify,” I said, clearing my throat.

“I prefer details,” she said.

“Alright. Since Brandy Parker’s body was found Quilla’s been hell bent on finding the killer. She’s also made it clear that she doesn’t have much faith in the abilities of the man investigating the case.”

“Perry Cobb,” Gretchen said. “I remember his father.”

“I suggested that Quilla give Perry the benefit of the doubt and that, since I’m acquainted with him, I would talk to him on her behalf, which I’ve done. Seems that his investigation couldn’t find anybody who was still around town who knew or remembered Brandy.”

“He never talked to me,” said Gretchen.

“That’s one of the reasons why we’re here,” I said. “He’ll be contacting you.”

“I’ll be happy to talk to him,” said Gretchen. “But I don’t know how much help I’ll be. My friendship with Brandy lasted only a few months.”

“How’d you meet her?”

“In the hospital,” she began. “About four months before she…disappeared. I base that on the fact that three months after I met her I left for college, which was in September.”

“The last time anyone saw Aunt Brandy was on October twelfth,” said Quilla. “And the only reason I remember that is because I was in this dumb play at school and she came to see me and she sent me an opening night telegram wishing me good luck and telling me to break a leg and stuff. I still have it.” Quilla’s eyes filled with tears.

Gretchen reached over and touched Quilla’s hand. “Brandy and I shared the same room. She’d been in a car accident.”

“A drunk plowed into her car. Broadside.”

“Why were you in the hospital?” I asked innocently.

Gretchen matter-of-factly said, “I tried to kill myself.”

* * *

I felt stupid and embarrassed for asking the question. There really wasn’t any reason for me to know. I could feel my face turn red and I shuffled awkwardly in my seat, trying to think of an appropriate response. Before I could say anything Gretchen spoke.

“I’m very up front about what I did. It makes most people uncomfortable. Please don’t be. It was nine years ago. I’d received some difficult news about my mother. I had hired probably the most prominent detective in Youngstown and he managed to track down my mother to a fishing village off the coast of Maine. He led me to believe that it was indeed she and we were actually making plans to go there and attempt to make contact. I was a sophomore in college and I worked two part-time jobs year-round to save the money to pay for the detective and after all was said and done…the woman turned out not to be my mother. It was more than I could bear. I swallowed three bottles of Advil. I really should’ve died.”

She shrugged her shoulders.

“Getting back to Brandy,” she continued. “She was incredibly lucky to be alive. The only real damage, other than a broken wrist and several deep gashes on her legs and torso, was a scar on her right cheek that went from an inch or so from her eye to the rim of her upper lip.”

“I have some pictures before and after she had plastic surgery,” said Quilla. “Aunt Brandy hated that scar. It was supposed to go away eventually. She used to cover it up with tons of make-up.”

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