David Bell - The Hiding Place

“You mean up until I was born?” Ashleigh said.

“Now don’t take it that way,” he said. “I just don’t think you should be spending a lot of time with a boy. You should be worried about school.”

“So I don’t get knocked up?” Ashleigh asked.

His eyes narrowed. She thought he might give her a lecture on the proper way to talk to one’s grandfather, but he let it go. He said, his voice a little weary, “Just do the right thing.”

Ashleigh looked at the door. She wanted to go, but she said one more thing. “Do you know why I’m not going to get pregnant, Grandpa?”

He reluctantly asked, “Why?”

“Because I don’t want to get stuck in Dove Point the rest of my life.”

When Ashleigh reached the park, her heart sank.

“Shit.”

She saw Kevin, but he wasn’t alone. He stood by a bench at the baseball diamond, and three other kids hovered around him, sitting and standing. Ashleigh knew who they were. Todd, Sarah, and Kelcey-three other kids from their class. Kevin and Todd were friends from grade school, and Todd had started dating Sarah during the spring. Kelcey hung around and made Ashleigh want to punch things.

Ashleigh wished she could turn around and go back. But she’d been seen. And she hadn’t talked to Kevin since she saw Dante Rogers in the woods. She wanted to tell him-almost did a few times-but it didn’t seem right to share something like that by phone or text. She wanted to tell Kevin in person.

Except they weren’t alone.

Ashleigh walked up, hands in pockets.

“Hey, girl,” Kevin said. “I was just telling them about this dude who came into McDonald’s today. We messed up his order, so he got all up in the manager’s face. He was like, ‘If you don’t fix this for me, I’m going to fuck this place up.’ We were in the back rolling.”

His voice trailed off at the end. Ashleigh saw the other kids looking at her and not Kevin. They seemed to be expecting something from her.

“I guess you had to be there,” Kevin said.

It was Kelcey, of course, who spoke up on everyone’s behalf. “We saw your family in the paper,” she said.

“And?” Ashleigh said.

“My God,” Kelcey said, eyes widening, mouth open so far Ashleigh could see her fillings, “we had no idea that happened to your family. No idea. That is totally wild that your uncle died like that.” She looked to the other two. “Did you guys know?”

They both shook their heads, but Todd said, “My dad remembered it. I told him I went to school with you, and he was like, ‘Whoa, I remember when that kid was killed. We were so fucking scared there was a madman on the loose.’ ”

Ashleigh looked at Kevin. They made eye contact, and he understood. “Anyway,” he said, “we don’t have to talk about all this.”

“No, of course not,” Kelcey said. “Of course not. Unless Ash wants to talk about it, and then we’d all listen, wouldn’t we? I mean, it’s cool whatever you want to do. I think if I had a big tragedy in my family I’d want to talk about it.”

Sarah shrugged and Todd nodded.

“Kelcey?” Ashleigh said. “Do you pay any attention in school?”

“What?”

“I said, do you pay any fucking attention in school?”

“Ash-” Kevin said.

“It’s a question,” Ashleigh said. “Just a question.”

Kelcey sat there with her mouth half open, the fillings in her back teeth smaller but still visible.

“I pay attention,” Kelcey said.

“If you did, instead of sitting there texting or chewing gum or twirling your hair with your finger, you’d know that someone dying isn’t a tragedy. A tragedy is when a noble character falls as the result of a fatal flaw. It provides catharsis and pleasure to the audience to watch it happen. Do you feel catharsis or pleasure reading about my family?”

“Come on, Ash-” Kevin placed his hand on Ashleigh’s arm, calming her down and leading her away.

“Fuck you, Ashleigh,” Kelcey said. “God. We’re just trying to be nice and ask about your family. But if you want to keep being the little moody girl, go ahead.”

“I can be the moody girl and you can be the dumb girl-”

By then, Kevin was applying more force, guiding her away from the baseball diamond and out of the park. She let herself be led because she realized she’d finally get to talk to Kevin alone.

They walked out of the park side by side. They didn’t talk to each other. Ashleigh kept her head down, her hands in the sweatshirt pockets. She didn’t look at Kevin but felt him by her side, a solid, reassuring presence. She didn’t pay attention to where they headed, didn’t care. She felt the anger at Kelcey-and all the stupid people she knew-course through her body. She hoped the walk would cool things down, let the steam of her rage dissipate.

When she looked up again, they were at Clark Street Junior High, the place where Ashleigh and Kevin had first met before they’d moved on to high school together. They still didn’t speak. They knew where to go without words, so they walked to the side of the school building and over to the old playground. Ashleigh went right for the swing sets, with Kevin following, and they sat next to each other, each on their own swing.

After a long few moments, Ashleigh spoke. “You look like an idiot, you know that?”

The swing was too small and too low to the ground for Kevin. It forced his knees up high, making him look like some kind of contortionist. “No,” he said. “I’m cool.” He spread his arms wide. “Look at me, I’m cool.”

Ashleigh swung a little, a gentle back and forth. “Don’t tell me I shouldn’t have yelled at Kelcey,” she said. “I know you want to tell me that, so just don’t.”

“I won’t.”

“She’s a fucking airhead.”

“I know. But in her own way, she was trying to act concerned.”

“I thought I said not to tell me that.”

But she wasn’t really mad. The anger-at least at Kelcey-was gone. Ashleigh continued to rock. She looked at the old school building, the dirty bricks, the huge windows. It seemed so long ago that she was a student there, even though it had been just over a year.

“What are you so pissed about?” Kevin asked.

“I’m not pissed,” she said.

“That wasn’t pissed?”

“I mean I’m not really mad about that.” Ashleigh slowed her movement on the swing. She scraped her feet against the ground, felt the bark and twigs against her feet. “I’m mad at my mom and grandpa. But that’s not really bothering me either. I just wanted to tell you something. I’m not mad. I just wanted to talk.”

“What’s up then?” Kevin asked.

But Ashleigh didn’t feel ready to talk. Not about all of that-her uncle, the murder. The man in the woods. Not yet.

“Do you remember playing kickball and dodgeball here?” she asked.

“Sure. It was kind of fun.”

“I hated it,” Ashleigh said.

Kevin laughed.

“Seriously, I hated it,” she said. “I thought nothing would ever be worse than being in grade school or junior high and having to do what everybody told me to do. I couldn’t wait to get to high school, you know? I thought I’d be a grown-up then.”

“Are you a grown-up?”

“No. Things are just as bad. And now I can’t wait to graduate and go to college.”

“The grass is always greener,” Kevin said. “But aren’t we supposed to be happy and carefree? Aren’t these the best years of our lives?”

“Right,” Ashleigh said. She kicked at the dirt, then made a circular pattern with her foot. She knew Kevin was watching her. She felt his eyes on her even when she wasn’t looking at him. “The other day when you got off the bus, I went on to the park.”