C. Box - Free Fire

The silence eventually turned into a kind of roar, Joe thought. He couldn’t hear his father when he broke it.

“What?”

“I said I thought about giving you a call lots of times.”

“But you never did.”

“Tell me about my grandchildren,” George said, his first genuine smile pulling at his mouth. “My daughter-in-law. What’s her name again?”

"Marybeth.”

"How old are my granddaughters?”

“Getting older all the time,” Joe said.

His father stared at him. Joe remembered that stare, those eyes, that set in his mouth that could curl into a grin or, just as easily, bare and reveal tiny sharp teeth.

“You don’t want to tell me about them,” George said.

“They have nothing to do with you. You have nothing to do with them.”

“I had hoped it wouldn’t be like this.”

Joe wanted to reach across the table, gather the old man’s collarin his fist, and bounce him up and down like a rag doll. “At one time, I had a lot to say to you. For years, I rehearsed what I was going to tell you if I ever got the opportunity I have now. I’d go over it when I was by myself like it was a speech. I had sectionsabout what you did to my mother, my brother, and me. It was a pretty good speech, and I’m not good at speeches. But now that you’re sitting right there, I can’t remember any of it.”

George shook his head. “It wasn’t all bad. I wasn’t a monster.”

Joe didn’t disagree.

“Your mom and I, we-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” Joe snapped. “What’s done is done. You can’t justify it now.”

“It was never about you,” George said. “You probably think that. It was about your mother and me. I never had anything against you or Victor.”

“You’re right,” Joe said. “It was never about us. Not a thing was ever about us.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes, it was.”

His father took a deep breath. Joe could hear it wheeze into his lungs. “Can’t we put that all behind us now? You’re a grown man. We’re both grown men. I was hoping maybe we could talk.”

“I’m not a big talker.”

“I’ve got some things I’d like to say.”

“Like what?”

“Like when I left, it was the best thing for all of us. Would it have been better if I’d stayed and continued to make everyone’s life as miserable as mine?”

Joe said, “At least that would have showed that you tried to think of someone other than yourself.”

“You’re not hearing what I’m saying,” George said, a familiarphrase from his father. What it meant to Joe was, You’re not agreeing with what I say, you’re defective .

“I needed space,” his father said, “I needed to find out why I was put on this earth.”

Joe stared at him with bitter contempt. “What a load of crap that is,” he said.

George was startled.

“I get pretty sick of hearing people like you try to find good reasons for acting selfish,” Joe said. “It’s not about what you say, it’s about what you do. You cut and ran.”

“How did you get so hard, Son?” his father whispered.

“A few months ago,” Joe said, “I put the muzzle of my Glock to a man’s forehead and pulled the trigger. I think about it all the time, just about every night. I justify it to myself that he was threatening my family, which he was. That if I let him go he’d figure out a way to come back for me, which he would have. But it doesn’t matter what I say to myself, I still did it. I didn’t have to do it, I chose to. My words about it mean nothing, just like yours.”

George sighed and it was as if all of his spirit was being expelled.He seemed smaller than when Joe sat down. Joe watched his father think. He knew he’d made him angry. Fine.

George looked up. “I might have done some stupid things, but at least I never killed a man.”

Joe thought of Victor. “In a way, what you did was worse.”

“And here I thought tonight might be nice,” George said sadly.

“I’ve got a great wife and two great kids,” Joe said. “I learned how to be a good father and a husband from them. Without them I’d fly off the planet.”

“When Victor died-”

“Without them,” Joe said, refusing to let George turn the conversation, “I might have turned out to be like you.”

He stood up and walked out of the cafeteria. Joe wasn’t sure why he’d confessed, and it confused him as much as anything. George didn’t call after him.

Marybeth was cleaning up after dinner when Joe called, and the first thing she said was, “Three more days.”

Which reminded him he needed to make arrangements for them, reserve rooms or a cabin in the only place that would still be open, Mammoth.

He asked her if she could get on the Internet and research some companies he had learned about but hadn’t had the means to check out. She eagerly agreed, and he read them off: Allied, Genetech, BioCorp, Schroeder Engineering, EnerDyne.

“I’ll see what I can find,” she said.

He told her about George Pickett, putting a gloss on the meeting. Already, he was feeling guilty for being so hard on the old man. Too much had spilled out and too quickly.

“Joe,” she said, “does he want to meet us?”

“I’m sure he does. But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I’m tough,” she said. “Your girls are tough. They can handleit.”

“But why should they?”

“Kids are always curious about where they come from,” Marybeth said. “This is an opportunity for them to meet their grandfather.”

Joe laughed nervously. “You’re supposed to be the one with good judgment. Why should we introduce them to a sick old drunk who thinks the world will end any minute?”

She paused. “Honey, are you okay?”

“No,” he said. “I’m not.”

Joe sat in a rocking chair in front of the four-sided fireplace with the purpose of making notes for his report to Chuck Ward but finding himself staring at the dying flames until late into the night. The inn had the feel of melancholy and abandonment on its last night open, which precisely matched his mood. He could not get the image of his father out of his mind-sitting there in his shirt buttoned to his neck, eyes rheumy, hands shaking, saying,“How did you get so hard, Son?” At one point, from out of nowhere, he fought the urge to cry.

Nate arrived holding two stout logs, which he tossed into the fire after stepping over the railing designed to prevent visitors from doing exactly that. The lengths of soft dry pine took off as if they were angry, throwing heat and light. Joe snapped out of his reverie and sat up.

Nate asked, “How’d dinner with Pop go?”

Joe said, “Badly.”

“I had an interesting day,” Nate said, settling down in the chair next to Joe. “But first, tell me about yours.”

After Joe was finished, Nate slowly nodded his head. “I rememberthe hot pot at Sunburst,” he said. “Nice place. I took a girl there once.”

“I’m guessing that’s where Hoening went also,” Joe said, making a mental note to himself to try to contact several of the girls Yellowdick had corresponded with. As far as he knew, the investigators hadn’t followed up with any of them because there appeared to be no reason to do so. But if they could tell Joe anything about trips to the hot springs, it might shed some light. Or, Joe thought, simply make the murky even murkier.

“You said today was interesting,” Joe said. “How so?”

“Couple of things,” Nate said, leaning forward. “Did you know you were being followed?”

Joe told him about their suspicions.

“I got the plate number,” Nate said. “I saw his pickup parked on a side road watching you and Demming wait for Cutler to change clothes. Red oh-four Ford pickup, Montana. Owner is a guy named Butch Toomer, ex-sheriff from West Yellowstone. Likely associate of Mr. Clay McCann. I mean, you’d assume the sheriff and a lawyer would know each other, right? He stuck with you guys all day. Maybe you can ask your contacts to check up on him.”