Phil Rickman - The Lamp of the Wicked

‘Vicar, this en’t an issue you can sort out.’ Gomer kept on walking, the give away ciggy cupped in his hand.

‘All right.’ She moved in front of him, crooked old gravestones, damp and shiny, on either side. ‘Who told you?’

‘Ar?’

‘About me conducting the funeral at Underhowle. For Roddy Lodge.’

She felt his attention hardening, as if he was only now becoming fully aware of her presence. It was almost as if she could see his glasses lighting up.

‘ You ’re plantin’ Lodge?’

The night air around them was unexpectedly pale, as though the village lights had soaked into the fog and been carried out here. Branches of the old apple trees poked out like arthritic hands.

Bugger. He hadn’t known, then.

‘ You ’re doing Lodge’s funeral?’

‘Must seem like a betrayal to you.’

Gomer laughed, without much humour. ‘Can’t none of us get away from it, can we?’

‘That’s how it seems.’

‘Like it was bloody well meant.’

Sorry?’

‘Ar,’ he said. ‘You and me both, vicar.’

She didn’t understand, pushed both hands far into the corners of the pockets of Jane’s duffel.

‘Think we got it all worked out, see,’ Gomer turned and started walking back between the graves towards the lych gate. ‘Feelings get the better of you, ennit? Go shootin’ your ole mouth off, ’fore you knows…’

Merrily followed him, saying nothing, new frost crackling under her shoes.

‘Had to fix up Nev’s funeral, see,’ Gomer said. ‘That’s why I en’t been around much.’

‘Is everything… OK?’

‘Rector of Presteigne’s got it in hand. We’ll likely have Nev’s… Nev back next week. Anyway, been talkin’ to other folk, while I was over there. Folk like Cliff Morgan.’

‘The police sergeant?’

‘Told me what I already knowed, vicar.’

‘They’ve finally linked him to the fire? Lodge?’

There was the sound of a woman’s laughter from the square: people entering the Black Swan. Gomer stopped under the lychgate.

‘Nev started the fire.’ He stared out towards the square. ‘Accident, like they thought. Found bits of an ole Primus stove. Boy was likely frying bloody sausages, pissed out of his head. Always used to say he didn’t like eating at home n’more. So that’s it. Lodge is in the clear – for what it’s worth to him now.’

‘When did you learn all this?’

Gomer looked down at the cobbles. ‘’Bout five seconds before the bugger went up the pylon, if you want the truth.’

‘ What? ’

He sighed. ‘En’t got much of an appetite these days, vicar, but I wouldn’t mind a cup o’ tea.’

Lol cleared a space in the clutter of the kitchen area and gave Eirion a cappuccino from Prof’s machine. Eirion was looking ‘upset – shoulders hunched, eyes downcast: the demeanour of the dumped.

‘I didn’t know where else to come. You know what she’s like – this… loose cannon.’ Gone eight p.m., and he was still wearing his school uniform.

‘You’ve got to drive back to Abergavenny tonight in this fog?’

‘It’s clearing. And they know where I am. You don’t mind, do you, Lol? I just—’

‘Eirion, look…’ Lol climbed onto a stool at the breakfast bar, which was still made up mainly of old packing cases. ‘Look, maybe the main problem is that the last thing she ever wants to think is that she’s at all like her mum, you know?’

Eirion smiled faintly. ‘A religious maniac?’

‘Bad enough if your dad’s a vicar. But your mother? So… What’s she going to do by way of rebellion? Obvious. She’s going to be a practising pagan, secretly joining a women’s mystical group meeting over a health-food café in Hereford, Next thing, she’s out in the vicarage garden bonding with the full moon.’

Eirion smiled.

‘And then suddenly Merrily’s realizing – as if she didn’t really already know – that not all pagans are sacrificing animals and deflowering virgins on the altar. She’s even made friends with a witch , for heaven’s sake. And so from Jane’s point of view, some of that essential inter-generational friction that you need, as a teenager, to grow up with a positive sense of yourself is not there any more. Her mum’s no longer shocked and appalled.’ Lol spread his hands, the way Prof would do. ‘Too easy, this stuff. I should’ve stuck with the psychology course.’

Eirion grinned.

‘So which way does she go next?’ Lol said. ‘Satanism?’

‘You’re right,’ Eirion said. ‘It’s denial, isn’t it? It’s not real atheism at all. It’s just spiritual denial.’

‘See? You don’t need me at all.’

Eirion gratefully drank some coffee.

‘What you’ve got,’ Lol said, ‘is a reluctant – and therefore unhappy – atheist. We’re oversimplifying here, because she’s still towing a lot of emotional luggage, including her dad, all of that. And, like you say, bad things happening to people close to her – like Gomer – giving her ammunition to use against Merrily’s faith. Lots of triggers.’

‘Including me, I expect.’ Eirion looked up, slightly red. ‘It’s pretty clear I’ve been a serious disappointment in… certain areas. Implying I’d been putting it about a lot, with the band and everything, the way you do. I’m probably totally crap in bed and she’s thinking, Christ, is this it ?’

Lol tried not to smile. ‘Often it’s the ones who don’t think they’re crap that…’ There was history he could have gone into, but the boy needed to get home tonight.

‘And then there’s this Jenny Driscoll situation,’ Eirion said. ‘The woman behind the Vestalia stores? Jenny Driscoll’s discovering Christianity and she’s supposed to have seen an angel over Ledwardine Church. And Jane’s seriously contemptuous of her and all she stands for. Of course, she’d’ve given anything to have had that kind of experience herself… So a lot of resentment, lot of anger. Inflamed by all this about her mum not having a normal life – giving everything up for God. Who doesn’t exist anyway, and if he does he’s a complete shit. You know?’

Lol leaned on his elbows on the breakfast bar. ‘She was laying all this on you, day after day?’

‘I wouldn’t mind that if I thought there was anything I could do.’ Eirion looked at Lol, then looked away.

‘But you think there’s something I can do.’

‘Well, it’s just that Jane thinks you’re… I’m sorry, Lol… she thinks you and Moira…’ Eirion hesitated, biting his lower lip. ‘Are perhaps having sex,’ he said mournfully. ‘Together. Like musicians do. With the erotic charge of playing together.’

Lol sprang off the stool.

‘Not that she’s blaming you. She blames her mother, for neglecting the relationship. Putting God first, as usual, when God’s only going to stab her in the back, if He exists, because He’s a shit, right?’

‘She said any of this to Merrily?’

‘I don’t know. She was so happy about you and her mother finally getting together. She thought she ’d brought you together. I mean, it’s obvious she really loves her mum, despite all the rows they have. Maybe the only person she does truly love. I mean I… I was thinking, isn’t it just maybe a lot more simple to think that maybe she’s found somebody else?’ Eirion shook his head. ‘Look at me – you’d think we were married or something, wouldn’t you? I mean, there’s bound to be someone else at some point, isn’t there? It’s what happens. Childhood sweethearts, twin souls – that’s pathetic, isn’t it?’

‘Eirion…’ Jesus, Jane thought Lol and Moira Cairns were having sex. ‘Would it be OK if I talked to Merrily about this?’