Brian Freeman - The Cold Nowhere

‘Yes, I could.’

‘You’re being too hard on yourself. There’s nothing else you could have done to protect Michaela.’

‘It’s not that.’

‘Then what?’

He watched the ship on the lake. Living on the Point, he recognized most of them and knew their names. Even at that distance, he thought the inbound boat was the Paul Genter . It was weighted down, its belly deep in the water. He thought about things passing away and disappearing. Cindy was gone. The house they’d shared was gone.

‘A few days after Michaela was killed, Cindy woke me up in the middle of the night,’ he told Serena. ‘You know we’d been trying to have kids for years. We’d both been tested, and nothing was wrong. She’d been taking fertility drugs. Even so, she couldn’t get pregnant. We’d basically given up.’

Serena slowly brought a hand to her mouth. She was smart. She knew where this was going.

‘Cindy said to me — she said, what if things happen for a reason? Maybe we weren’t meant to have kids of our own. Maybe we were meant to rescue someone else’s child. She asked me what I would think about the two of us trying to adopt Catalina. Make her a part of our lives.’

‘What did you say?’

‘I said no.’

‘Why?’

He shook his head. ‘I don’t know. There were lots of reasons. It’s one thing to want a child and to have nine months to wrap your head around the idea of your life changing. It’s another to have a six-year-old dropped into your lap. I wasn’t sure I was ready.’

‘That doesn’t sound like you.’

‘Cindy said the same thing,’ he admitted. ‘She wanted to know the real reason.’

‘Which was?’

‘I just couldn’t handle it. I thought that every time I looked in Cat’s face, I would see Michaela, and I would remember what happened. It was too fresh. Too raw.’

‘There’s no sin in feeling that way.’

‘I’m not so sure. Looking back, it feels selfish.’

‘What did Cindy say?’

‘She said she understood, but I don’t know if she did. We never talked about it again. I thought about it for months. I began to wish I’d said yes, but by then it was too late. Cat was already with the Greens. That fall, Cindy was diagnosed with cancer. At that point, everything else went out of my head.’

He wondered what Serena would say. He didn’t want excuses or sympathy. He wanted someone to blame him the way he blamed himself. He’d made a mistake, and that mistake had cost a girl her childhood.

‘Saying yes would have turned your lives upside down. You couldn’t do that if you weren’t sure.’

‘That doesn’t mean I don’t regret it.’

‘Okay, so you regret it. You can’t change the past. What are you going to do now?’

He heard the bells of the lift bridge, clanging through the park like a clarion. The Paul Genter was lined up on the canal. It was a thousand-foot giant, rust red, moving from the lake to the calm port.

‘Now feels like a second chance to make it right,’ Stride said.

Serena leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Well, you know me, Jonny. I’m a believer in second chances.’

He turned, and he wanted to kiss her. Really kiss her. It was a prelude to everything that would follow between them. She saw it in his eyes, and she wanted it, too, but they knew it was too soon. She put a finger on his lips, holding him back. The next step would take time, but it would come.

‘I’m glad you told me,’ she said.

‘I am, too.’

Stride began to get up from the bench, but Serena held him back.

‘One more thing,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘Maybe this is important, maybe it’s not. Ten years ago. When you found the bodies. Did anything feel wrong to you about the crime scene?’

He was puzzled. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Michaela was dead. Marty was dead. He killed her, he killed himself. You’re a cop, you know crime scenes. Did anything feel wrong? The angle of the gun, the position of the bodies, anything.’

‘No,’ Stride said. ‘It felt like what it was. Why?’

Serena shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It’s just a thought. A panicked little girl can reinvent things under hypnosis, but what if Cat really did hear something that night? What if someone else was in the house when they died?’

*

Stride and Serena heard curses from the hotel room on the third floor of the Lakeshore Inn. Inside, the bottom half of Curt Dickes jutted out from under the bathroom sink. A leaking pipe had soaked his dungarees, and a fine mist made a cloud like a vegetable spritzer.

‘Shit!’ Dickes bellowed.

His arms worked frantically, twisting a wrench. The spray of water diminished, then disappeared. He slid himself out onto the tile floor, shaking water from his hands. When he spotted Stride and Serena over him, he jerked up and banged his head on the underside of the counter.

‘What the fuck?’ he said, rubbing his skull. ‘You want to give me a heart attack?’

‘I knocked,’ Stride said.

‘Yeah, well, I’m in the middle of something, huh?’ Dickes stood up and threw a couple of white towels onto the puddle on the floor. His greasy black hair was mussed into spikes. In the tight space, his cologne was choking. ‘Did you tell the guy at the desk you were looking for me?’

‘Yes.’

‘Shit, thanks a lot. That’s what I need, a visit from the cops while I’m at work.’

‘It’ll be worse if they find out you’ve been setting up their guests with hookers,’ Stride said.

‘You think I’m stupid? I don’t shit where I eat.’ Dickes tugged at his wet shirt and noticed Serena for the first time. ‘Hey, you’re keeping pretty good company, Stride.’

‘I’m with the Itasca County Sheriff’s Department,’ Serena said.

‘Yeah, yeah, I know who you are. Chick cop by way of Las Vegas. You don’t think word gets around? So what do you guys want, anyway?’

‘Let’s talk outside,’ Stride said.

They backed out of the bathroom, and Dickes sat down on the end of one of the two queen beds in the hotel room. Both beds were perfectly made and creased into sharp corners. The television was on, its volume loud, and Stride took the remote and switched it off.

‘Saturday night,’ he said. ‘Where were you, Curt?’

‘This about the two murders? I heard about it. Brandy, huh? Sucks. She was a crazy bitch, but she got plenty of repeat business. She was talented, if you like it rough. Not that it’s my scene, you know?’

‘I said, where were you?’

‘What, you think I had something to do with it? Forget that. Me and my new Fusion, we hit the highway on Saturday. I was at the casino half the night. That’s half an hour away, and their cameras will have me on tape the whole time. You can check it out.’

‘Is there any talk on the street about who killed Brandy?’

Dickes shook his head. ‘Nah, but I hope you get this guy soon. Some of the girls are getting freaked, you know? Like there’s some serial killer going after them.’

Stride sat down next to Dickes. ‘Cat says you set her up with some rich guy at a resort on the north shore. This was about a year ago. I want to know who this guy was.’

Dickes shrugged. ‘I’ve got a bad memory. Customers like it like that.’

‘Curt, this isn’t about pimping anymore. This is a murder investigation. Don’t play games with me.’

The kid’s eyes bounced back and forth between them. ‘Do I get a free pass if I talk?’

‘I’m not handing out deals for anything,’ Stride told him. ‘I’m trying to keep you out of prison for twenty-five years. If this guy had anything to do with these murders, you’re in the middle of it.’

Curt blanched. ‘Look, Lieutenant, I really can’t tell you anything. I don’t know who the guy was.’