Joshua Graham - Terminus

He got close. Another good look at her might shed some light on why he’d suddenly decided to jeopardize his career by saving her.

“It figures I would lose it.” She felt around her neck.

“Lose what?”

“The jade pendant my father gave me when I was little. He got it from the Forbidden City in Beijing.” She looked up, blew a tangle of hair away from her mouth. “Probably worth more than my life.”

“Are you all right?” Nick said.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I just tried to jump from the Coronado Bridge, also known as the third deadliest suicide bridge in the nation.”

“How’d you get up here? There aren’t any pedestrian paths.”

“For a twenty-dollar tip, cabbies don’t mind dropping you off wherever you want, no questions asked.”

“Hmmm.” He gave her a head to toe once-over.

She too looked at herself, her tattered clothes and grimy hands, which she wiped on her pants.

“Yeah, well…I figured blowing my life savings on a cab ride to end my life had a poetic ring to it.”

“Are you going try jumping again, or shall I tie you up?”

“I don’t think so.” She let out a long breath. “Not tonight, anyway.”

Following her lead, Nick exhaled—a most satisfying feeling when occupying a physical form.

“Come, now. It can’t be as bad as all that.”

“How would you know?”

“Tell me.”

She stared wordlessly at him for a good three seconds.

“No.”

“Why not?” he said.

“I’m tired.” True enough. Weariness tinged her voice.

“Of course.”

She shrugged. “I don’t think I could spend another night in the shelter.”

“Say no more.” He gestured to his construct-BMW, gently took her arm, and led her to the passenger side door, which he opened for her.

“A gentleman, no less. What are you, from the last millennium?”

He couldn’t help smirking.

JON NEARLY LOST HIS BALANCE when he entered Maria’s hotel room with her lips firmly pressed against his. In the process of steadying himself his left foot hit the door with enough force to shut it.

He found himself suddenly short of breath, his heart racing, his mind in torment. He’d only meant to accompany her to her room for safety’s sake. Now every nerve, every cell in his body screamed, Do what’s natural. It’s the way God created you. You want this. You deserve this!

Maria leaned back and met his eyes.

“What’s the matter, Jon?”

“Nothing, I just…” This was pathetic. He could never do this. It wasn’t fair to Elaine, it wasn’t fair to Maria. It was wrong .

“Maria, I’m really sorry that I…” A sudden wave of regret warmed his face, ears, neck.

“It’s okay,” Maria said. “We’re just two people in need. Two consenting adults.”

Knowing better, Jon turned toward the door. From behind she pressed her warm body against his back.

Pain filled his heart.

Pangs of guilt wrung from the agony of going too far, only to deny the release of the fire he had so foolishly kindled.

No one will ever know…

That voice, those words—he recognized them. They weren’t completely his words. He had slipped into a state of elective moral blindness, but now that he could discern that inner voice intermingled with his own he was able to squeeze his eyes shut and pray.

Dear God, forgive me…

// COWARD! YOU’VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN STANDING BEFORE YOU! DO WHAT FEELS RIGHT! //

“Jon? Don’t worry, okay? It’s just for tonight. Nothing more.” Maria smiled—which further eroded his defenses. “I’m a big girl and I won’t be coming around messing up your life. One night, then I’ll love you from a distance. I promise. No strings attached.”

// SHE’S YOURS //

Give me strength, Lord.

He turned and gently pushed away.

“I’m sorry.”

“Oh.” A torturous pause. “I see.”

Jon mustered the courage to meet her eyes.

“This was entirely my fault. Whatever problems I might be having with my wife, this is wrong.”

She was trying not to cry, but he could imagine how humiliating it must be for her to put herself out there only to be rejected.

“You’re right, you’re right, I don’t know what I was thinking.” She sighed. Her shoulders fell. Finally she looked up and put her hand on his face tenderly. “You’re such a good man. I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that, you really—”

She pulled him close and pressed her lips against his desperately.

For the first two seconds, the shock disoriented him.

For the next two, he couldn’t bring himself to resist.

And for the final two seconds, he fought his emotions and hormones until, with a gasp, he freed himself. Her face was still lifted, lips parted, eyes shut.

“Just a goodbye kiss,” she said. “Not sorry about that.”

“I’ve got to go,” Jon said when he could control his breathing enough to get the words out.

It was just a kiss.

He almost laughed out loud at the sheer lameness of the thought as he opened the door.

“Pray for me, Jon.”

He allowed himself a brief moment of light-heartedness and smiled as if defeated by an admired opponent.

“I’m the one who needs prayer.”

“I’m so embarrassed.”

“No need,” he said. “Goodbye, Maria.”

As he double-timed on the carpet in the empty hallway, Jon knew he’d crossed a bridge he should never have approached. And in the process lost the right to think of himself as Elaine’s victim.

It was too late for that now.

FOR THE ENTIRE DRIVE NICK PONDERED what he had just done. The last time anything like this happened was back in England a century ago. Hadn’t he learned from that?

Apparently not.

The subject had fallen asleep slumped down in her seat by the time they arrived at the Broadmore Hotel in La Jolla. The clock on the dashboard read 3:35 AM. The streets were desolate. At this unholy hour no concierge was on duty, so he constructed one to come to the passenger door.

Nick nudged the subject gently until she awoke with a start.

“We’re here.” He nodded at the window.

A handsome young man wearing a white shirt and black pants opened the door for her. She lowered her face, embarrassed by her state of disarray. Nick walked around to help her out, while the concierge stepped back.

“Thank you,” she said. “I feel like such a lady.”

Nick nodded to the concierge. “Checking in.”

“Yes, sir.” The concierge shut the passenger door, got into the driver’s seat, and drove the construct-car off into oblivion.

When they got to the front desk, the subject stood behind him as though hiding. Nick gently lowered his palm on the chrome-domed bell so as not to ring it too loudly. A bleary-eyed young man, probably an undergrad at UCSD, emerged rubbing his eyes but smiling as best he could.

“May I help you?”

“A room, please.”

“For two?”

“Just her.”

“Name?”

Nick turned around. She straightened and pushed the messy locks of hair from her face.

“Matheson. But there’s no way I can afford—”

“Not a problem.” Nick turned back to the desk clerk. “Matheson.”

“First name?”

This time Nick asked with his eyes only. She sighed and looked straight at him.

“Hope.” She smiled. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

“I think it’s lovely.”

He handed a gold Amex card to the desk clerk.

“Not sure how long she’ll be staying, so keep this on file for any and all incidentals.”

“All?”