Paul Cleave - The Cleaner

I park outside the office. Long ribbons of thick plastic cover the doorway, the type you’d find if you traveled back twenty years and entered a dairy. I brush them aside and make my way in. The room smells of latex and cigarette smoke. The walls and ceiling are stained. The carpet is patterned with cigarette burns.

The guy behind the counter must be in his forties. He’s bald and overweight, and he stares directly at me as if he doesn’t trust me. As if he thinks I’m going to grab his multicolored plastic ribbons from the doorway and take off. He is wearing a T-shirt that says Racism is the New Black.

I flash some police identification that isn’t even mine-sometimes all you need is a policeman’s business card with a name and no photo and it can open any door-and he shrugs and hardly glances at it. When I ask to look through the guest book, he spins it around and tells me to go ahead. His fingernails, long and dirty, flick the pages open toward the date I indicate. Then he uses them to scratch at his barren scalp. He gets tiny pieces of skin stuck under them, and then he starts to pick them out. They drift onto the guest book, and he brushes them off with his hand.

We make miniature conversation as I look through the book. He has dealt with police before, so he says, and even rented a room once to a murderer. Of course, he didn’t know the man was a murderer at the time. That hadn’t come out until the guy was caught.

Fascinating. I tell him so.

I search through the dates, looking for the room Calhoun used. Of course, it won’t be beneath his name, but I look nonetheless. My finger scrolls past lots of people called John Smith, and others with names like Ernest Hemingway and Albert Einstein. The Everblue seems a popular place for dead people, because even Abraham Lincoln has stayed here.

I turn the guest book back around so it faces Mr. Greasy. Slap the photograph of Detective Calhoun down on top of it. “You recognize this guy?”

“Should I?”

“Yeah, you should.”

He takes a close look at it. “Yeah, I remember him. He came in a few months ago.”

“Out of all the people who come in here, you remember this guy? Why’s that?”

“I sure as hell remember the mess he made, and the noise he made while he was making it.”

“You sure this guy did that?”

He shrugs again. “Does it matter?”

I guess it doesn’t. I don’t bother thanking him. Just nod, and leave.

My next stop is a direct contrast to the Everblue. The Five Seasons Hotel is closer to the center of town, among a handful of hotels, most around ten years old. Land isn’t cheap here. It just looks it. I park the stolen car three blocks away and take my briefcase with me. The evening is getting darker and colder. There’s going to be another frost.

The hotel is ugly. I don’t know quite how to describe it as anything other than an artistic dream turned nightmare. Architects using braille to draw their plans. Painters using materials from the seventies. It looks like a lava lamp. It’s fifteen stories high-not huge, but big enough when your major color is lime green. Spotlights around the foundation light it up at night. The hotel would look more in place in Disneyland as some scary ride. Amazingly, it’s a five-star.

What’s also amazing is that police personnel from out of town are put up here. It’s taxpayers’ money going to good use.

I already have a picture in my mind of what the interior will look like, but I quickly find I’m completely wrong. The walls are varnished wood, giving the foyer a strange type of antique look. A chandelier hangs from the ceiling with a million reflections of light. The carpet, a deep red color, is plush enough to sleep on and be comfortable. Where the carpet ends, checkered black-and-white linoleum takes over. The foyer is large enough to chase somebody around in for a good minute or so. The air is cool, and slightly scented. Could be jasmine, or lilac, or one of those other incense aromas that men all over the world have no idea how to distinguish from others.

I step up to the reception desk. It’s a hell of a lot nicer than stepping up to the counter at the Everblue, plus the staff are doing a good job of keeping it warm in here. A young woman smiles at me-quite attractive: nice breasts, tight body, pretty face, blond hair pulled back, her makeup applied to perfection. Her uniform is dark green. The blouse is white, and it wouldn’t take much to give it a splash of red. I wonder what she would say if I asked her to take it off.

I book and pay for a room with cash, then I sign my name in the guest book the same way it was on the cards. She asks me for a credit card she can swipe in case I make any extra purchases, and I tell her I’m a cash only kind of guy, and don’t own one. She nods and smiles, and says that that’s fine, then adds that they’ll lock the minibar so I can’t access it.

She puts me in room 712. I grab my key, which is actually an electronic card so could pose a problem. I thank her, wondering if I’ll ever see her again. She thanks me, and no doubt has a similar thought.

A porter with barely enough personality to get by in life rides with me to the seventh floor. I have no luggage, but he comes along anyway. He seems depressed, and I figure it must be because he’s over a hundred years old and is still a damn porter. My legs take me to the twelfth room. He takes the key off me, puts it into the lock, and the mechanism pops open with the same sound as a latch on a briefcase. He opens the door, then stands there like it’s well within his Goddamn right to take a tip off me. Like he’s just earned ten bucks for making this trip and providing no conversation. I give him five and he doesn’t thank me. I close the door and head to the windows. My eyes take me out to the city beyond.

I decide to relax a bit. With my shoes off and my feet breathing in the air-conditioned room, I struggle to believe, or perhaps don’t want to believe, that outside this hotel I have a life that consists of mayhem and confusion and very little else.

The room is divine, the sort of place that gives me the motivation to become rich just so I can live here. You could stay at the Everblue for about a week and still pay less than you’d pay for this place for one night. The large window makes the view of Christchurch seem nicer than I’ve ever seen it, and combined with its height and the fact it’s been raining, it even makes Christchurch look cleaner. The bed is so comfortable I’m afraid if I lie down I may never get up. I check out the minibar: one look at the prices and I think it’s ironic that I’m the one being called a criminal. None of the items are accessible as the door to the minibar has been locked. The kitchen is filled with expensive appliances I have no idea how to use. The TV is a big screen with a remote control that has a hundred buttons.

I take the gamble and lie down on the bed. I end up spending forty minutes staring at the ceiling, allowing my mind to visit other places it hasn’t been in weeks, catching up on old fantasies that include the woman from the vet, and thinking of new ones that include the receptionist downstairs, before finally using the phone to call home and check my answering machine. A moment later I’m listening to a man from the veterinary clinic, reminding me that I have a cat cage that doesn’t belong to me. I don’t need to wonder why Jennifer didn’t call. I’ll return the cage when all this is over.

The second caller identifies himself as Doctor Costello. He leaves a phone number where I can contact him. He says it’s urgent. Says Mom’s in the hospital. He leaves no other details. My hands are shaking and I struggle to hang up the phone. Has something happened to Mom? Of course it has. She wouldn’t be in the hospital otherwise. Please God. . Please let her be okay.