Simon Green - The Dark Side of the Road

Before I could say anything, the door burst open and Jeeves and Cook strode in together. Cook kept a watchful eye on me, while Jeeves peered back out into the corridor, to check no one was watching. He closed the door, and then the two of them took up a position side by side before me, shoulder to shoulder, as though they belonged together. The tall black butler and the short blonde cook. Except they no longer looked like a butler or a cook; they looked a lot more like soldiers.

‘Good evening,’ I said. ‘Do come in. No doubt you’re wondering why I summoned you here …’

‘Flippancy will get you nowhere,’ said Jeeves. ‘It’s time for the truth to come out.’

‘I’m all in favour of that,’ I said.

‘Leilah and I are a husband and wife security team,’ said Jeeves. ‘We were hired to provide security for Mister Walter Belcourt, for this weekend get-together. Things seem to have got a little out of hand.’

‘So we thought it was time we asked you a few leading questions,’ said Leilah. She produced a small handgun from her Victorian cook’s outfit and aimed it at me. She looked like she knew how to use a gun. I sat very still.

‘Leilah and I always work together on assignments,’ said Jeeves. ‘One obviously, the other less so.’

‘We’re here to interrogate you,’ said Leilah.

‘Is that so?’ I said. ‘Why me in particular?’

‘You’re the outsider,’ said Leilah. ‘No one here knows you. You claim to work for the deceased James Belcourt, but we only have your word for that. I’ll bet you don’t even have a Security ID, do you?’

‘No,’ I said. ‘The Organization I work for doesn’t officially exist. People who need to know, know who we are.’

‘Well,’ said Leilah. ‘You would say that, wouldn’t you?’

‘You can see why you make such a good suspect,’ said Jeeves.

‘Of course,’ I said. ‘I’m sure I’d do the same, in your shoes. Those are your shoes, aren’t they? Good. What can I do for you?’

‘He’s being flippant again,’ said Leilah.

‘Ask the questions,’ said Jeeves.

‘Ask away,’ I said.

‘You can start by telling us everything about yourself,’ said Leilah. ‘Who you really are, who you really work for, and what you’re really doing here. Everything we need to know, to protect our client. You talk, and we’ll tell you when to stop.’

‘And if I don’t care to do that?’ I said.

Leilah grinned nastily. ‘Then I will beat it out of you. I’m really very good at that. Ask Jeeves.’

I looked at him. ‘You’d let her do that to me? A possibly entirely innocent bystander?’

‘Let her?’ said Jeeves. ‘I plan to stand well back to avoid getting blood on me, take notes and cheer her on as necessary. We’re not police, we’re not government, and the only rules we follow are our own. That’s how we get results.’

Leilah waggled her gun at me, in a meaningful manner. ‘Start talking.’

I came up off the end of the bed in a rush, slapped the gun out of Leilah’s hand, grabbed her by the front of her cook’s outfit, and threw her on to the bed. She hit it with enough force to drive the breath out of her. Jeeves was already going for his gun as I closed in on him. I grabbed his arm with one hand and squeezed the muscle until he groaned with agony. All the strength went out of his hand, and the gun dropped from his nerveless fingers. I caught it, and then grabbed Jeeves by the front of his butler’s outfit and threw him on to the bed, next to Leilah, who was only just getting her breath back. I picked up her gun from the floor, and then stood at the end of the bed, training both guns on their previous owners. I wasn’t even breathing hard. Jeeves and Leilah glared at me from the bed and didn’t move a muscle.

‘Damn,’ said Jeeves. ‘You’re fast. And very well-trained. All right; I’m convinced. To be able to take us down that easily, you must work for the Organization.’

‘And, I am not a suspect,’ I said.

Leilah scowled at me. ‘You can say anything you like while you’re covering us with our own guns. But you’re still a suspect. It would take someone as cold-blooded and expertly trained as an Organization agent to kill James Belcourt in such an extreme way.’

‘I thought we’d agreed I couldn’t have been here when the Colonel was killed?’ I said.

Jeeves did his best to shrug, while lying on his back. ‘The cold changes everything. Who knows when he was killed, really?’

‘Fair enough,’ I said. I tossed both their guns back to them, and they caught them expertly, out of mid air.

‘Please get up off my bed,’ I said. ‘You make the place look untidy.’

Jeeves and Leilah rolled off different sides of the bed and were immediately on their feet again, each with a gun in hand aimed at me. I raised an eyebrow. Jeeves and Leilah looked at each other, as though each was hoping the other would have some idea what to do. In the end, they both shrugged more or less simultaneously and put their guns away.

Leilah looked at me defiantly. ‘I suppose you expect us to trust you, just because you’ve given us our guns back?’

‘I don’t trust anyone in this house,’ I said. ‘And neither should you. Tell me, before you go. Who do you think killed the Colonel?’

‘We only care about that as it pertains to protecting our client,’ said Jeeves. ‘Are you sure the attack on the son is connected to the father?’

‘Don’t you think that?’ I said.

‘I strongly suggest you stay in your room until morning,’ said Jeeves. ‘And lock your door. I’ve managed to contact my people, and they’re hoping to have someone here by tomorrow. Leilah and I will spend the night standing guard in the hallway. Perfectly ready to open fire on anything that moves that isn’t us.’

‘I was surprised to see both of you up here,’ I said. ‘Leaving poor Walter unattended.’

‘Melanie has the door locked,’ said Leilah. ‘And with the whole place shut down, we can hear anybody moving about.’

‘Really?’ I said. ‘You weren’t my first visitors tonight. I’ve spoken to several people, and they all reported hearing someone moving about up here, in the corridor. But whenever someone went to look, there was never anybody to be seen.’

Jeeves and Leilah looked at each other. ‘Have you seen anyone moving about up here, Ishmael?’ said Jeeves.

‘No,’ I said. ‘But I’ve heard someone.’

‘It’s an old house,’ said Jeeves. ‘Maybe it’s haunted.’

Leilah winced. ‘Don’t. I hate ghosts.’

They left together, and I locked the door behind them. And then I went and sat in the most comfortable-looking chair and thought hard for a long time.

Some time later, my head snapped up. I sniffed the air and was up on my feet in a moment. I hurried over to my door, unlocked it, and hauled it open. I sniffed the air again. The next door but one to mine opened, and Penny looked out. She hadn’t changed out of her day clothes, and she had a heavy iron poker in her hand.

‘Oh, it’s you!’ she said. ‘I thought I heard someone on the move, and this time I heard a door opening, so I thought I’d take a look. What’s wrong? Why are you looking like that?’

‘Can you smell anything?’ I said. ‘Like meat burning?’

Penny sniffed hard, and then shook her head. She looked at me doubtfully. ‘We’re a long way from the kitchens, Ishmael.’

And then we both looked round sharply as a horrible scream sounded from the far end of the corridor, by the stairs. Penny and I ran towards it.

Penny and I were halfway down the corridor when another door swung suddenly open, and Alexander Khan looked out. He was wearing a stylish and very colourful dressing gown, entirely ordinary slippers, and a confused look on his face. His normally slicked-back hair was all over the place. He’d clearly managed to get some sleep and was only half awake now.