Simon Green - The Dark Side of the Road

Jeeves the butler entered the drawing room, moving so quietly and smoothly that he hardly seemed to be there at all, bearing a fresh set of drinks on a silver platter. He moved around the room in a most professional way, his dark face calm and impassive, offering drinks to the guests. No one seemed particularly interested, but Jeeves didn’t leave.

‘Coffee and hot chocolate are also available,’ he announced his deep rich voice, breaking effortlessly through the general chatter. ‘I can always send down to the kitchens …’

‘Ah! Yes,’ said Walter. ‘Are you sure dinner will be on time, Jeeves? I mean, given that Cook is down there on her own …’ He looked around him apologetically. ‘No staff, you see. Couldn’t get any of them to come in over Christmas, no matter how big a bonus I offered. We’re lucky to have Mrs Bridges. First class cook. Jeeves found her for me. Didn’t you, Jeeves?’

‘Indeed sir,’ said Jeeves. ‘Cook has assured me dinner will be served exactly on time, sir. With the approved Christmas menu. The lady is a treasure.’

‘She’d better be,’ growled Walter. ‘She’s costing me enough …’

‘Now, Walter, I’m sure she’s worth every penny we’re paying her,’ Melanie said firmly. ‘Everybody else wanted to be with their family over the holiday season.’ She stopped and fixed me with a speculative gaze. ‘Won’t your family be missing you at Christmas, Ishmael?’

‘I have no family,’ I said. ‘They’re all gone. There’s just me, now.’

Penny stepped forward, immediately touched. ‘Oh; that’s so sad! Well, for this Christmas, you must regard us as your family! Isn’t that right, Daddy?’

‘What? Oh, yes! Of course! Glad to have you with us, young man,’ said Walter. ‘Any friend of James …’

I decided I’d been a polite and patient guest long enough. ‘Where is the Colonel? I haven’t seen him.’

I still couldn’t bring myself to call him James; not after he’d been the Colonel to me for so many years.

‘Yes …’ said Penny. ‘Where is my dear stepbrother, who I’ve been so looking forward to meeting at long last?’

She looked at the others, and they all looked blankly back at her. And then they all looked at each other, before offering different ideas as to where the Colonel might be. In the Library, in the Study, in the Billiards Room … Even resting upstairs, in his own room. Eventually Jeeves cleared his throat meaningfully, and everyone fell silent to look at him.

‘If I might take the liberty … Thank you. I have made my rounds of the entire house, checking that all the shutters are properly closed and securely locked. I have been in and out of every room, on every floor, and I haven’t seen Mister James anywhere.’

There was a long, awkward pause as everyone looked at everyone else. In the sudden hush, we could all hear the wind howling and rattling the heavy shutters outside the drawing room windows. It was a cold, ugly, threatening sound. One by one, everyone turned to look at the shuttered windows, thinking about the conditions outside Belcourt Manor, and they all shuddered, just a little. There was a general feeling of he couldn’t be outside; not in that …

‘He’ll turn up!’ Walter said briskly. ‘I mean; come on! He won’t want to miss dinner. We’re having his favourite dessert. He won’t want to miss out on his first dinner at home, not after so many years away.’ He looked around, almost pleadingly. ‘His job keeps him out of the country a lot of the time. Isn’t that right, Ishmael?’

‘Something like that,’ I said. ‘Have none of you seen the Colonel today?’

No one had anything to say. I was liking the situation less and less.

‘He’s got to be around here somewhere!’ said Walter. ‘He wouldn’t just leave. It’s a big house, Jeeves! You must have missed him. Look again.’

‘Of course, sir,’ said the butler. He didn’t sound convinced.

Walter looked slowly round the huge drawing room, as though suddenly aware of how the size of the room dwarfed the small number of people present.

‘There used to be so many of us,’ he said slowly. ‘There’s something about Christmas, out of all the holidays, that makes you aware of how many people you’ve lost. Mum and Dad, of course. Gone almost twenty years now, but there isn’t a day goes by that I don’t think about them. And my brothers; Paul and Eamon. Both of them so much younger than me … I never thought I’d have to go to their funerals. All the aunts and uncles, the cousins, the wives and husbands and children … I stopped going to the funerals. I couldn’t stand it. And now … This is all that’s left of us. No one ever tells you that the hardest part of growing old is to go on living, when everyone else just goes …’

Melanie and Diana closed in on him from both sides, holding his hands and patting him on the shoulder. They murmured comforting words to him, but he didn’t want to be comforted.

‘Where’s James?’ he said loudly, close to tears. ‘I want my son!’

‘I’m sure he’ll turn up for dinner,’ said Penny, just a bit desperately. Not knowing what to say or do for the best. ‘He can’t have gone anywhere; not in this weather.’

Walter glared at her. ‘I always thought James would be the one to provide me with grandchildren and continue the family line. But now, I don’t see that happening. So it’s down to you, Penny girl. Stop being so damned fussy, and do your duty to the family!’

‘Yes, Daddy,’ said Penny. Not because she meant it, but because she didn’t want the old man more upset than he already was.

‘Could James have gone outside?’ said Sylvia. ‘Maybe for a walk, in the grounds, before dinner?’

‘In this weather?’ I said. ‘Have any of you seen how bad it’s getting out there?’

‘Well, no,’ said Melanie. ‘The shutters are closed.’

‘I will search every room in the house,’ said Jeeves.

‘James will turn up,’ said Walter, nodding vigorously. His eyes had gone vague again. And then he looked at me sharply. ‘Perhaps you’d like to freshen up, young man. Change your clothes, before dinner?’

‘Of course,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you all later. Lead the way, Jeeves.’

I followed the butler out of the drawing room. There were some things I needed to ask him, in private.

I followed Jeeves up the wide curving stairway to the next floor. It was a steep climb, and Jeeves kindly slowed his pace to allow me to keep up. It was all very well for him to go bounding up the steps like a gazelle on steroids; he hadn’t been fighting a car through a blizzard for hours on end. Even I have limits. I took a good look around me as I slogged up the stairs, pretending I was interested in my surroundings to excuse my slow pace. More old-fashioned carpeting, so thick and deep that my feet barely made a sound. Heavy wooden banisters, the top worn smooth by generations of hands sliding up and down them. And yet more portraits, of more sullen-faced ancestors. Did no one in this family ever smile? I finally reached the top of the stairs, where Jeeves was waiting patiently for me to join him. I stood there a moment, quietly getting my breath back, and then looked him squarely in the eye.

‘Where do you think the Colonel is, Jeeves?’

‘I really couldn’t say, sir. He’s not in any of the places I would expect him to be. It’s a mystery. And I really don’t like mysteries.’

‘You’re not really going to search the house again, are you?’

‘No, sir,’ Jeeves said steadily. ‘There isn’t any point. I checked every room, on every floor. That’s what I’m here for. There isn’t another living soul in this house, apart from Cook, of course, down in the kitchen. I suppose it is always possible Mister James could be concealing himself in one of the outbuildings. The tithe barn, or one of the cottages …’