Simon Beckett - Fine Lines

If I had still been in any doubt, it was wiped out only minutes later. The residue of her laughter still about her, Anna excused herself and went to the toilet. Zeppo waited until she was out of earshot before leaning closer.

“Donald, old son, why don’t you fuck off home and let the two of us get on with it?”

My mouth went dry. I took a drink, stalling. “I think it would look rather suspicious if I left now.”

“Balls. It’ll just look like you’re being romantic. She’ll be grateful to you for it.” He grinned. “Almost as much as she will to me.”

I searched desperately for excuses. This was neither the time nor the place to have this conversation. “No. Not tonight.”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake, Donald, come on! I’ve been holding back so far because you said it was too early. Well, now it’s not. If I don’t do something soon the poor cow’ll be rubbing herself against the table leg!”

“You’re disgusting!”

“And you’re an old fart. Look, do you want me to fuck her or don’t you? If you don’t, let me know now, because I’m sick of pissing around. If you do, then tonight’s as good a time as any. You wanted to know in advance, I’m telling you. So which is it to be?”

“I’m not going to be forced into—”

“Nobody’s forcing you to do anything. If you don’t want to leave now, fine. Stay. But I’m still going to take her back to my flat afterwards. Okay?”

His attitude angered me. “No,” I said, emphatically.

Zeppo balled his fists. “Jesus Christ! What is the matter with you? All right, why? Why not? Give me one good reason!”

I looked around to make sure no one was listening. “I’m not prepared to discuss it now.”

“Well, too fucking bad, because you’re going to! I’ve had enough of your little games. Either tell me why I shouldn’t screw her tonight, or I will anyway!”

“Don’t you dare!” I had actually begun to shake. Right then I wished I had never set eyes on him.

“Why not? We’re both consenting adults. Anna’s a big girl, she can make her own mind up. So how are you going to stop us?”

I was almost choking. “I’m warning you, if you do I won’t give you a penny!”

He was grinning now, infuriatingly sure of himself. “So what? At this rate I’ll be dead of old age before I get anything anyway. Besides, she might be so good I won’t be bothered about being paid.”

Abruptly, his entire demeanour changed. The sneering face became solicitous. “Are you sure you don’t want a doctor?” he asked.

I was thrown completely off balance. And then Anna appeared beside me. “What’s the matter?”

Zeppo was looking at me with a worried expression. “Donald’s got chest pains.”

“No, I’ve... I’m fine,” I stammered, struggling to come to grips with the new situation.

“Are they bad?” Anna looked and sounded concerned.

“No, really

“You’re a bit flushed,” Zeppo said. The foul-mouthed, threatening creature of only moments ago had vanished. “Do you feel out of breath at all?”

“No, I’m fine,” I said, trying to sound normal and immediately sounding breathless.

“Do you want me to call a doctor?” Anna asked.

“I’m all right, really.” I forced a smile. “It was probably indigestion. It’s gone now.”

“Perhaps we’d better go,” Zeppo said to Anna, and I suddenly realised what he was trying to do.

“No!” I insisted. “There’s no need. I feel fine. Really.”

Anna still looked worried. “I think we should go. It’s getting late, anyway.”

Despite my objections, I could do nothing to dissuade her. We left the bar and Zeppo hailed a taxi. Before I could stop him, he had given my address to the driver.

“We should drop Anna off first,” I said, desperately.

“I’d rather see you home,” she said. “I can be dropped off later

“But you live nearer.”

“I think we’d both feel happier seeing you home first.” There was nothing in Zeppo’s voice to suggest the glee I knew he would be feeling. “The sooner you get to bed the better. You’ll probably feel better after a good night’s sleep.”

There was nothing I could do. Helpless, I sat silently, aware of the occasional concerned glances from Anna. Quite probably I did not look at all well. By that time I did not feel it.

The taxi stopped outside my house, and I reached for my wallet. But Zeppo put his hand on mine, preventing me from taking any money out. “Don’t worry about paying,” he said. “I’ll get this.”

He leaned over and opened the door for me to get out. I could think of no reasonable excuse not to. His face was deadpan as Anna wished me goodnight and made me promise to call the doctor if the chest pains returned. I stood on the street as the door was slammed, and the taxi pulled away. Anna waved through the rear window. So did Zeppo. Then they turned a corner and disappeared.

Almost beside myself with anger and panic, I let myself in and poured a drink. I forced myself to give the taxi enough time to drop Anna off and take Zeppo home, and then telephoned him. My hand shook as it held the receiver. It rang hollowly in my ear, but no one answered. I almost called Anna then. But I could not openly ask if Zeppo was with her, and I could think of no other excuse to call.

I made myself wait five minutes and then tried Zeppo’s number again. Then I waited another five. And another. I had lost count of the number of times I tried, and then there was a dick as the receiver was picked up at the other end.

“Zeppo?” My heart jumped and began to race. But the voice at the other end was not the one I expected.

“Hello?” It was an old woman’s, thin and querulous. Anticlimax made me feel leaden.

“I’m sorry. Wrong number.”

“Who?”

“I’ve dialled the wrong number. I’m sorry to have bothered you.” I was about to put the receiver down, but she spoke again.

“Who are you?” Her voice was raised and feeble. I spoke a little louder.

“I said I’ve got the wrong number. I’m sorry.”

“Who did you want?”

“Someone called Zeppo. I must have misdialled.”

“Steptoe?”

I closed my eyes. “No. It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry if I disturbed you.”

“There’s nobody here called Steptoe.”

“No, I know. My mistake.”

“What?”

“I said I know!”

“Why’d you call me, then?”

“It was a mistake. I’m sorry. Goodbye.”

Her voice was becoming louder and more irritable. “Do you know what time it is?”

I hung up. Exasperated, I called Zeppo again, making sure to dial the right number. When it was answered almost immediately I expected to hear the old woman’s voice. But this time it was him.

My first overriding emotion was relief. But that was quickly lost in a surge of anger. “How dare you do that to me!” I shouted. “How dare you!”

“Hello, Donald. You’re not miffed about something, are you?”

I could almost see his smirk. “This time you’ve gone too far! How dare you?”

“You’ve said that twice already.”

“Where’s Anna?”

“She’s in the bedroom. Just a second, I’ll call her.”

Before I could say anything, I heard him shout, “Anna, get dressed, it’s Donald. He wants a word with you.”

I was paralysed. I tried to make myself hang up, but nothing happened. I felt hot panic as I waited for Anna’s voice.

“Just kidding,” Zeppo’s said instead. “Bet that had you shitting yourself, didn’t it?”

My legs would suddenly not support me. I sat down, trembling.

“Donald? You still there?”

“Yes.” My voice sounded weak. I tried to clutch at my anger for support. “I don’t find your sense of humour very amusing.”