Simon Beckett - Fine Lines

She nodded, reassuringly. “I’m okay. Mum and dad were right about getting away. It was what I needed. But I’m all right now.” She smiled at me to confirm it, and suddenly her eyes were filling up. She gave a shaky laugh and wiped them. “Well, almost. Sorry.”

“No need to be.”

“I was determined I wasn’t going to do that, too.” She gave them a final wipe.

“You don’t have to apologise.”

“I don’t want you to think I’m going to burst into tears at the drop of a hat, that’s all. I’m over that now.”

“It’s all right, really.”

“I’m just a bit edgy after going back to the flat last night. Everything was just the same, and I thought...” Her eyes filled up again. “Oh, bugger.”

I offered her a handkerchief, but she shook her head. “No, I’m all right now, thanks. It’s just getting used to being back, that’s all. It’s a bit harder than I thought.”

“You shouldn’t expect too much of yourself. You can’t rush these things.”

“No, I know. It wasn’t so bad while I was away, but now I’m back everything’s... everything’s still here, you know? Nothing’s changed.” She took a deep, uneven breath. “It’ll be better when I’ve cleared away the rest of Marty’s things. It was a bit too much like walking into a shrine last night, with everything of his still there. It was as though he was going to walk in any second.” She shrugged. “I know that’s not going to happen, though. I know I’ll probably never even find out what happened to him, but that’s something I’m going to have to learn to live with. And the sooner I do, the better.”

She gave me a rueful smile. “That’s the theory, at least. It seems easier said than done, doesn’t it?”

“I think you’re doing remarkably well.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.” She straightened, sniffing away the last of the tears. “Anyway, now I’ve got that out of my system, how about a cup of coffee?” She smiled, more convincingly now. “I promise not to spill it on you this time.”

That was the last time Anna broke down in front of me. Over the next few days I occasionally had the impression that her cheerfulness was only a facade. But it was in my interests as much as hers for me to let it go undented. I let a week pass to give her time to settle in and get used to being back.

Then I called Zeppo.

I planned to re-introduce him gradually, over a period of weeks. Zeppo, however, had other ideas. Even so, their first meeting went smoothly enough. It was at the same restaurant where we had ‘accidentally’ met him before, and he behaved perfectly. I noticed with satisfaction that Anna seemed genuinely pleased to see him.

“You look great,” Zeppo said to her. “Where was it? Tunisia?”

“That’s right. And you look as if you’ve been away yourself. Don’t tell me you got that colour here.”

Zeppo was indeed looking very tanned and fit. The two of them went well together. I was suddenly conscious of my own flaccid pallor.

“No, I’ve been doing a shoot in the Caribbean,” he said. “Two weeks on Dominica. It was hell.”

“I can imagine.”

I said nothing. Although I had not seen Zeppo since the night I had thrown him out of my house, I had spoken to him several times during Anna’s absence. If he had been to the Caribbean recently, he had taken his telephone with him.

“So. How are you now?” He put a slight inflection of concern into his voice to let Anna know what he meant. Anna acknowledged it with a smile and a nod.

“Okay, thanks.”

I was surprised at his tact. And more than a little relieved. When I had spoken to him the night before, I had warned him that Anna was still not over what had happened. He had been less than understanding.

“Don’t worry. Once she gets my hand in her pants she’ll feel much better,” he had said.

I knew he was only baiting me, but I still did not entirely trust him, I did not want him pushing Anna too quickly, either when I was there or, even worse, when I was not. But that afternoon he gave me no cause to complain. He behaved perfectly, and made no overtures towards her that I was aware of. He stayed for the half-hour we had agreed and then, with a glance at his watch, made his excuses.

“Call into the gallery now you’re back,” I told him.

“I might drop in later this week,” he said, and left.

Later that week turned out to be the next day, as we had arranged. I made a show of pleasant surprise when he stopped by for a coffee, hiding my annoyance that he was an hour late. But when he appeared the following day as well, my surprise was as genuine as Anna’s.

“Is there any particular reason for this ad lib? Or are you just enthusiastic?” I asked, when Anna went to deal with a client.

“A bit of both. The girl I was supposed to be seeing tonight’s gone and broken her arm, the silly bitch. So I thought I’d kill two birds with one stone and take Anna out instead.” Zeppo smiled at me, slyly. “With a bit of luck this could be the big night. A quick drink, a nightclub, and then back to my place and fuck her brains out.”

For once his deliberate crudeness slipped by me almost unnoticed. I tried to conceal my sudden panic. “Don’t you think it’s a little premature?”

He smirked. “I think that’s the last thing you’ve got to worry about.”

“But she’s only been back a week. And she’s still not over Marty yet.”

“So this’ll take her mind off it. After the first ten minutes she won’t even be able to remember his name.” He frowned. “Why are you looking like that? Come on, Donald, this is what you’ve wanted, isn’t it?”

“I still think it’s too soon.”

“Is it hell. A bit of tender loving care is exactly what she needs. A sympathetic ear. A shoulder to cry on.” He grinned. “A nice, stiff cock.”

I felt my mouth compress. I shook my head. “No.”

“No? What do you mean, “No”?”

“I mean exactly that. I would have thought it was simple enough for you to understand.”

Zeppo stared at me. “Well, you’ll have to excuse me for being stupid, but I’m afraid it’s not. Ridiculous as it seems, I was under the impression that you wanted me to get her into bed. So why start dragging your heels now?”

“I’m not. I simply don’t see any point in spoiling things by rushing. When we’ve spent so much time over this so far, I don’t think waiting another week or two is going to make any difference.”

He was still looking at me. “You’re being shifty, Donald. Is there something I should know? Because if there is, you’d better tell me.”

I tried not to seem evasive. “Of course there isn’t. I just think we should give her a little more time to find her feet, that’s all.”

“Not much point when I’m going to sweep her off them, is there?” His witticism seemed to please him. He gave an exaggerated sigh and shrugged. “But you’re the boss. Your will is my command. I will not fuck Anna tonight. Happy now?”

Relieved, at least. “Yes, thank you.”

“Am I still permitted to actually take her out? Or is that forbidden as well?”

I took a deep breath and plunged. “Actually, I’d rather you didn’t.”

It took the wind out of his sails. But only for a moment. “Oh, for fuck’s sake, Donald! What’s the matter with you?”

“Nothing’s the matter with me. I just—”

“Just what? Do you want to carry on with this, or not? Because if you don’t, say now because I’m not pissing around indefinitely!”

“No one’s asked you to. I’m merely saying that I don’t want you seeing Anna alone at night yet.”

“Why not, for Christ’s sake? She’s a big girl! She’s over eighteen! Are you frightened I’m going to drag her into an alley and rape her, or something?”