Steve Hamilton - A Cold Day in Paradise

I heard a heavy door close. I saw a guard pass by on the other side. Behind him, moving slowly, a man in a prison uniform. He sat down in the chair without looking at me. He had long hair and a long beard. It was all streaked with gray. He was thin. His wrists looked so frail you could snap them like pencils. He finally looked at me.

It was him.

I knew those eyes. Everything else about him had changed, but those eyes were the same. I would have known them anywhere. Even out of context. Forget the jail, forget that I was expecting to see him. Dress him up as a deliveryman, send him to my front door. As soon as I saw those eyes, I would know it was him.

He sat there looking at me, the same way he did before he shot me. The fear came back to me. I knew in my mind that I was safe, but still I couldn’t stop the physical reaction to seeing him.

I fought it down, trying to focus on why I had come here. I picked up the phone and waited for him to do the same. When he did, I cleared my throat and spoke to him.

“Do you remember me?” I said.

He just looked at me through the glass.

“I was a police officer in Detroit,” I said. “You shot me.”

“Yes?” he said. His voice was flat. It barely sounded human. It could have come from a machine.

“You killed my partner,” I said.

“Go on.”

“That was a long time ago,” I said. “That’s not really why I’m here.”

“I know why you’re here,” he said.

“You do?”

“Yes,” he said. “You want information.”

“How do you know this?”

“I have been here a long time. I have become a wise man in many ways.”

It was hard to look at him. His face was drawn and haggard. His hair went in every direction, like Medusa’s snakes. It made his eyes all the more terrible. “Do you know a man named Raymond Julius?” I asked.

He looked at me like he hadn’t even heard me.

“Wisdom is a precious metal,” he said. “Information is the ore from which wisdom is, what’s the word, smelted?”

“Do you know the man?” I said.

“Is that the right word? Smelted?”

“Raymond Julius. Do you know him?”

“You all want information, don’t you,” he said.

“Who? Who’s all of us?”

“All of you,” he said. “Lawyers, psychologists, scientists. You want the information so you may become wise. You all think you can trick it out of me.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m not a lawyer or a psychologist or a scientist. And I didn’t come all the way down here to smelt any wisdom, all right? Can you talk to me like a human being for one minute?”

“When I was first discovered, I said some things. There were two policemen. I remember them. They came to my apartment.”

“Oh, for the love of God,” I said. “I told you, I was one of those policemen.”

“Then they captured me and tried to make me talk. A man was supposed to represent me at the trial. He tried to make me say that I was crazy.”

“Rose, did you hear me? I said I was one of those policeman.”

He shook his finger at me and gave out a little laugh. It sounded like a chain rattling. “Very clever,” he said. “I can see why they sent you. You even look like him. An excellent ploy. I must commend you.”

“Rose, I was there. You shot me, remember? You shot both of us.”

“Yes, I shot both of you. Both of them, I mean. See, you are trying to trick me.”

I squeezed the phone. This was hopeless. “Okay, you win,” I said. “You’re too smart for me. You’ve obviously been doing a lot of smelting in here.”

“You’ll never make me tell you,” he said. “I’ll never reveal my plan.”

“Of course not,” I said. “Perish the thought.”

“I am strong,” he said. “Every passing hour, I grow stronger.”

“I can see that,” I said. “You look great. You’ve been working out?”

“You mock me.”

“You’ve lost some weight, too. What are you down to, about ninety pounds?”

“You dare to mock me.”

“Yeah, Rose, I dare to mock you. You wanna know why? Because you’re a crazy motherfucking piece of shit, that’s why. You want me to tell you about the man you killed? You want me to tell you about his wife and his two kids?”

“They sent you here, didn’t they.”

“He had two daughters, Rose. Two little girls.”

“I know they sent you here.”

“They had to go to their daddy’s funeral, Rose. Two little girls standing next to a hole in the ground because you killed their daddy.”

“Tell them I can’t be bought,” he said. “Tell them my information is not for sale.”

“What’s it like being in prison, anyway?” I said. “Looks like you’re in the main population here, aren’t you. I bet you’ve made a lot of new friends.”

“I can leave anytime I want.”

“So why don’t you? Why don’t you leave right now? We’ll go have a beer.”

“I choose to stay for the time being.”

“Sure you do. You must like it here. They must treat you real nice here. How many times have you been raped since you’ve been here?”

For the first time since he sat down, he looked away.

“How many times?” I said. “Give me a ballpark figure. A hundred times? Two hundred?”

He looked back at me, scratching his beard.

“Where does it happen, Rose? In the showers? How many times have you been raped in the showers?”

“You’re a fool.” His voice had a sudden edge to it.

“They’ve got an expression for that, don’t they? Being afraid of the alligators? That’s when you’re afraid to take a shower because you know you’re gonna get raped again, right?”

“You’re all fools.”

“Tell me about Raymond Julius,” I said.

“I don’t know this name.”

“Yes, you do. You’ve been talking to him. Or writing letters to him.”

“It’s an interesting name. I like it.”

“Which was it? Did you talk to him or write letters?”

“The name has a good sound to it.”

“Did he visit you?”

“Many people visit me.”

“Yeah, I bet they line up at the gates every morning.”

“I have many friends. They come to see me and ask my advice.”

“Advice on what? How to be a crazy fucking headcase?”

“They come from all over the world.”

“Two daughters, Rose. Two little girls. You killed their father.”

“I killed both of them,” he said.

“Both of whom?”

“I shot both of them,” he said. “And they both died.”

“Who died?”

“The policemen. They both died. I removed them.”

“Hey guess what, Rose.” I leaned in closer to the glass. “Look at me. I didn’t die.”

“I removed both of them.”

“I didn’t die, Rose. You didn’t remove me.”

“They died. I removed them.”

“I was at the trial, remember? I helped put you away.”

“I’m enjoying this,” he said. “I really am. You should come back more often.”

“Look, I don’t care if you think you-” I stopped. Wait a minute, I thought. Something is not right here. The man is saying he killed me. He thinks I’m dead. There’s no way he would have told Julius all this shit about me being the chosen one if he didn’t even think I was alive.

Unless he was just trying to fool me now. Unless he was playing a game with me.

“I’m going to ask you this one more time,” I said. “Has a man named Raymond Julius been in contact with you or not?”

“Why do you need to know this?”

“Never mind why,” I said. “Just tell me.”

“You really do look like that policeman,” he said. “The resemblance is remarkable.”

I lunged at the glass. “Just tell me, Goddamn it!”