William Rabkin - The Call of the Mild

“We take our laws seriously here,” Rasmussen said. “Which is why I’m taking over the investigation of this apparent homicide.”

“This is my case,” Lassiter said.

“This is my jurisdiction,” Rasmussen said.

“I’m not leaving,” Lassiter said.

Rasmussen raised his gun. With his free hand, he pulled his cuffs off his Sam Brown belt.

“In that case,” he said, “you’re under arrest.”

“Put your hands on your head,” Rasmussen barked at Lassiter.

Lassiter stared at him coldly and didn’t budge. Rasmussen stared back. Each man was frozen, waiting for the other to make the first move.

“Shawn!” Gus hissed. “We’ve got to do something.”

“Yeah, let’s go,” Shawn said. “I’m getting hungry again.”

“We can’t leave Lassie,” Gus said. “He’s only here as a favor to us.”

Shawn thought this over and reluctantly came to the same conclusion. With a heavy sigh he stepped between the two policemen. “I’ve seen this scene in a hundred movies, and it never makes any sense. You’re both on the same side.”

“He’s right,” Gus said. “You both want the same thing.”

“Well, not all the same things,” Shawn said. “Officer Rasmussen clearly desires a tan that will put George Hamilton to shame, while Lassie aspires to the subtler shades of your average mushroom. But I think we can all agree that what you both want most of all is to find the person who killed Ellen Svaco.”

“Stay out of this, Spencer,” Lassiter said.

At the sound of the name, Rasmussen’s head swiveled over to Shawn. “Spencer?” He stared. “I thought I recognized you. Are you Shawn Spencer of Psych?”

“So my fame has traveled all the way to Isla Vista,” Shawn said. “My master plan is working. Soon they’ll know Psych even as far away as Oxnard.”

Rasmussen walked over to Shawn, holstering his gun as he went. “It’s an honor to meet you.”

“Well, thanks,” Shawn said.

“Your father is my hero,” Rasmussen said, giving Shawn’s hand an enthusiastic pump. “The greatest cop this state has ever seen. I used to read about him in the papers. Sometimes I even wish he could have been my dad.”

“There were times I wished exactly the same thing,” Shawn said.

“He’s the reason I became a police officer,” Rasmussen said. “If only I could work a case with him my life would be complete.”

“Hard to imagine such a rich life isn’t complete already,” Gus said.

“Indeed,” Shawn said. “Too bad my dad is retired.”

Outside the bungalow a black crime scene van pulled up to the curb.

“But of course, no one ever really leaves the Santa Barbara Police Department,” Lassiter said. “I talked to Henry just the other day and he was saying how much he missed the life.”

Rasmussen wheeled back to Lassiter as if he’d forgotten the detective was there.

“He did not,” Shawn said. “He loves being retired. He can spend all his time figuring out ways to torture me.”

“May I speak to you for a moment, Shawn?” Lassiter said. His voice was mild, but his eyes flashed sparks as he walked over to him.

“Hey, I told you to freeze,” Rasmussen said. “And you need to freeze right now.”

“No,” Lassiter said. “I don’t think you’ll want to explain to Henry Spencer why you shot his protege.”

“You are so not my father’s protege,” Shawn said as Lassiter came up with him. “And having put in many years as his unwillingly designated protege, let me say how lucky that makes you.”

“Spencer, I need your help,” Lassiter said. “The forensics team is right outside. If this jackass wants to make a fuss, he can tie them up for hours before they get to the body.”

“He can’t seriously stop your investigation, can he?”

“He can slow it down, and that’s almost as bad,” Lassiter said. “This woman was in your office this morning, and now she’s dead. I am not going to let that stand, and I don’t believe you are, either.”

Shawn glanced over at Gus, who nodded his agreement. “I’m sure my father would love to help out on this case,” Shawn said loudly.

Rasmussen lit up like a kid who’d just seen Santa slide down his chimney. “Really?”

“Only as a personal favor to his protege, of course,” Shawn said. “It would have to be an SBPD case all the way.”

“A joint task force,” Rasmussen said.

“With Santa Barbara in lead position,” Lassiter said.

“Done.” Rasmussen put out his hand.

Lassiter ignored it and marched to the door, where the first members of the forensics team were assembling. “Body’s in the bathroom. Get me something fast.”

“And make sure I get copied,” Rasmussen called as they filed past him. “When are we meeting with Henry Spencer?”

Lassiter turned back to Shawn. “Yes, Shawn, when are we meeting with Henry Spencer?”

“Meeting?” Shawn said.

“To work on the case.”

Shawn gave him a blank look. “I thought we were just saying that to get this yokel to let your guys in.”

“I think he’ll notice if Henry isn’t actually involved in the case,” Lassiter said. “And he can still make plenty of trouble if we need to do any more investigating in Isla Vista.”

“I really don’t think this is a good idea,” Shawn said.

Lassiter sighed irritably. “Then it’s just like it’s one of yours. Look, Henry doesn’t actually have to do anything. He’s just got to show up.”

Shawn looked for a way out, but couldn’t find an opening.

“I’ll try to get him to your office tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll be there at eight sharp,” Rasmussen said.

“Good, you can make the coffee,” Lassiter said. “We’ll start at nine.”

Shawn and Gus squeezed past the entering investigators and headed back to their car.

“I don’t believe this,” Gus said. “What a day.”

“Tell me about it,” Shawn said. “We start out looking for a necklace just to annoy Lassie, and we end up facing multiple murders.”

“Multiple?” Gus asked. “Who died besides Ellen Svaco?”

“Me,” Shawn said. “Because when I tell my dad that I volunteered him to work a case with Lassie and this idiot, he is going to kill me.”

Henry Spencer raised the sticks high above his head. And waited. He’d torn the sleeves out of his sweatshirt to give his arms complete freedom, and tied a bandanna around his forehead to keep the sweat out of his eyes, and pulled on jeans that hadn’t fit in ten years because-well, he wasn’t quite sure why they’d told him to do that. But this was the moment he’d been dreaming of for weeks, the instant he’d rehearsed in his head time after time. Around him, the three others waited, poised just like him, waiting for the computerized keyboard to finish its preprogrammed run. Then they’d all kick in.

Henry Spencer had never wanted to be a rock star. He’d never yearned to be onstage with a Stratocaster between his legs and thousands of fans screaming at his every move. He’d never learned to pick out the opening notes of “Stairway to Heaven” on the display model in the guitar store or stood in front of his mirror practicing the front-footed stance unique to rock gods and Jack Kirby superheroes.

In his teens, in fact, Henry was almost completely oblivious to music. While his high school buddies were rocking around the clock or shaking their money maker or getting their groove thang on, Henry was doing his homework or attending practice for whichever sport was in season. He was vaguely aware that there were such things as radios, and that they tended to blare out their noise wherever he happened to be, but none of it made any more impression on him than the sound of traffic in the distance.