Ed Mcbain: The Frumious Bandersnatch

“No, I don’t think so,” Loomis said.

TWO HOMELAND SECURITYagents boarded British Air’s flight #82 ten minutes before it was scheduled to take off for London. They found Avery Hanes in the first-class section, where he was already enjoying a scotch and soda, and they asked him if he would mind accompanying them off the aircraft. Since they were both armed, he said he wouldn’t mind at all.

Fifteen minutes later, he ratted out Barney Loomis, and told them they could find Calvin Wilkins in American Airline’s first-class lounge. He also told them that his girlfriend Kellie Morgan would be landing in Paris at eleven-fifteen tomorrow morning.

Wilkins’ flight to Jamaica was not scheduled to leave until sevenA.M. tomorrow morning. He was curled up asleep on one of the lounge’s sofas when they shook him awake. Looking up into what appeared to be nine-millimeter weapons, he said, “Oh shit.”

WHEN NELLIE BRANDgot to the squadroom at close to eleven, she was still wearing the long green gown and green satin slippers she’d worn to the annual May Cotillion at the River Dix Yacht Club, to which she and her husband belonged. She was also wearing a mink stole, and a jade necklace her husband had given her this past Christmas, and she looked less like a District Attorney answering a rotation call than a stockbroker’s wife who’d been drinking champagne not an hour and a half ago, which she was and which she had been.

Carella took her aside and told her what he had.

“That’s purely circumstantial,” she said. “Is that why you dragged me all the way up here?”

“I think it’ll wash.”

“I don’t. Guy could’ve called him for any one of a thousand reasons besides criminal chicanery.”

“How’d he happen to know him? How’d he get his home number?”

“How do I know? Having a person’s home number doesn’t add up to kidnapping.”

“The girl’s dead, Nellie. This is now a death penalty case.”

“Where are these people with whom he allegedly conspired?”

“Flew the coop.”

“That’s nice. And you say they left a dead girl behind?”

“Yes.”

“This singer I’ve been seeing all over television?”

“That’s the one.”

“Very high profile, Steve. You’d better be right.”

“What can we lose?” Carella said. “Let’s give it a shot.”

“I must be out of my mind,” Nellie said.

THE Q ANDA started at a quarter past eleven.

It had been a long Tuesday for everyone in that room. Well, everyone except maybe the police stenographer, who took down every word as Loomis was read his rights for the third time, and then advised that he did not have to answer any questions if he chose not to…

“I choose not to,” he said.

“In which case,” Nellie said, “we’ll be charging you with Conspiracy to Commit Kidnapping…”

“That’s ridiculous,” Halliday said.

“…and Kidnapping itself, which is an A-1 Felony…”

“You truly can’t be serious, young lady.”

“Oh but I am, Counselor. Under the laws of this state, your client acted in concert, and it doesn’t matter whether he was a principal or an accomplice…”

“A Grand Jury will kick this out in five minutes!”

“We’ll see, I guess,” Nellie said. “You think they’ll also kick out Felony Murder?”

“Murder?” Loomis said.

“Murder during a kidnapping,” Nellie said. “The same thing as Murder One.”

“What do you mean murder? ” Loomis asked. “Did they kill Tamar? Are you saying they killed her?”

“She was shot in the face at close range with a high-powered rifle,” Carella said.

“That wasn’t the deal! ” Loomis shouted, and suddenly he was sobbing into his hands.

I LOVED THAT GIRLas if she was my own daughter, he told them. The deal was they’d hold her till the ransom was paid, and then they’d let her go. They weren’t supposed to hurt her, they certainly weren’t supposed to…to…

And here he buried his face in his hands and began sobbing again.

Halliday took this opportunity to remind him that he was not compelled to say anything.

Loomis kept sobbing into his hands.

“Mr. Loomis?” Nellie said.

He just kept sobbing.

“Would you like to tell us what happened?” she said softly.

She was skilled at such things.

Loomis nodded into his hands.

Halliday shook his head.

I MAKE A HABITof stopping in record stores, checking on how our product is displayed, what kind of space we’re getting, all that. I normally introduce myself to the manager, sometimes to the floor personnel, tell them I’m the CEO of Bison Records, explain how much this or that CD or album means to me, ask them to keep a personal eye on it. I love every record we put out. Every one of them. I love this business. I love music.

I knew Tamar was going to be a big star the minute I heard her for the first time. She could bang out a song like Cher, or hoot and holler like Steven Tyler. She could bend notes like the best blues and country singers, or break and yodel like Alanis Morissette. And sweet! Oh Jesus, what a sweet wonderful voice! She could break your heart with the simplest ballad. Like an angel. She sang like an angel.

Every store I went into, I told them to watch out for Tamar Valparaiso.

I told them Tamar Valparaiso was going to be the next big singing sensation.

THIS KID WORKEDin the shop just around the corner from our office. I used to stop in there after lunch almost every day. Just before I went back upstairs. Lorelei Records. I checked out the product, the displays, told this kid what was hot for us this week…

Avery Hanes.

That’s his name.

Told him what was coming down the pike, what he should be on the lookout for. Tamar Valparaiso, I told him. Coming in May. The album is called Bandersnatch. That’s the title song, “Bandersnatch.” Watch for it. We’ll be doing a terrific video. Watch for it. Tamar Valparaiso.

One day…

Q: Is Avery Hanes the person who made the ransom calls?

A: Yes.

Q: Is Avery Hanes the person who actually kidnapped Tamar Valparaiso?

A: Well, not alone. He wasn’t working alone. I gave him all the information about the launch, and he told me he thought he could do it with just three people. Himself and two other people.

Q: Who were these two other people?

A: I have no idea.

Q: Do the names…excuse me. Steve, what were those names again?

A: (from Detective Carella) Calvin Wilkins and Kellie Something, we don’t have a last name for her.

Q: Do those names mean anything to you, Mr. Loomis?

A: Nothing at all.

Q: So the only person you dealt with was Avery Hanes.

A: Yes.

Q: Was the kidnapping his idea?

A: Well, it sort of evolved.

Q: How do you mean?

A: From talks we had. We discussed all sorts of approaches, he’s really a quite brilliant young man. Primarily, I was concerned with how to make the debut album a success. I had such faith in Tamar, I wanted so much for her to make it in a big way…

Avery didn’t care how he spent my money, of course, well, you know how young people are, nothing’s impossible to them. All these big ideas about massive in-store promos, and TV ads, and subway posters, and ads on the sides of busses, ten cities, twenty cities, a hundred cities! He was talking about millions in advertising and promotion alone, a prohibitive approach, really, on top of everything else we’d be doing.

At first, we met in my office. He’d come up on his lunch hour, and we’d discuss his ideas. I like to encourage young people, I’m very good with young people. And he was so… enthusiastic, do you know? One day, he said something about five minutes of fame, fifteen minutes of fame, whatever it was, Andy Warhol’s famous saying. He said if only we could do something that could give Tamar just those fifteen minutes of fame, was what it was, then the rest would follow. Like if she broke her leg onstage during a concert…