Cody McFadyen - Shadow Man

Tommy is not forthcoming. I know he's never been married. I don't know if he's had many girlfriends, or just a few. I have no idea why he left the Service. As far as I know, they left him. Nothing came up on his background check, and I didn't feel right prying. I know the things I need to know: He's good at what he does; he has a sister he loves, a mother he supports. These are basic things, revelatory things. Things that tell you a lot about a person's character. I do wonder about those parts not seen, though. I can't help it.

His voice pulls me from my reverie. "No bugs I can find. Not likely they'd be out here, anyway. They wouldn't think of this as a place you'd spend a lot of time."

"They'd be right."

"This is the car you've been driving?"

"Yes."

He moves over behind my car and gets down on his back. I watch as he moves farther and farther under it.

"Found it. Very high-end, very pro, real-time GPS tracker." He crawls back out from under my car. "With that and the right software, they can track you on a laptop. I assume you want to leave it on for now."

"I don't want them to know that I know it's there. When you're following me, maybe you'll spot one of them."

"Right. You told me they'd been in your home?"

"Yes. I had the locks changed."

"But that means they could have planted bugs anytime before that. You want me to look for those? It could take a few hours."

"If they're there, I want to know where. But I want to leave them in place."

He picks up his bag. "Take me inside and I'll get to work."

Tommy cleared my cell phone first. While he continues on the bug hunt, I make a round of calls to my team.

"What's happening with tracking the user-pass combos, James?"

"It's going to take us through the night. We're tracking down the owners of the various companies."

"Stay on it."

He hangs up without replying. Still a prick.

Callie is at the lab with Gene, who, true to his word, is putting the heat on the DNA.

"He's calling in some favors, Smoky. Some people are getting up out of bed. Our Gene is very focused."

"Can you blame him?"

"No. I don't care what she did for a living, honey-love. She was young. She could have changed over time, picked a different profession. He took that opportunity away from her."

"I know, Callie. That's why we have to get him. Keep on it, and get some sleep if you can."

"You too, Smoky."

I reach Alan last. I fill him in on Bonnie staying with them tonight.

"Sure, that's no problem." He pauses. "Elaina starts chemo next week."

The lump, quickly becoming a familiar friend, is in my throat again.

"It's going to turn out fine, Alan."

"Cup half full, right?"

"That's right."

"G'night." He hangs up, leaving me looking at the phone. I can still hear Tommy moving through my house. It is quiet, and empty. I already miss Bonnie. The circumstances of her being here were terrible, and if I could change them, I would. But the truth remains. I miss her. Her absence echoes inside me.

I realize that I burn to clear this case for more than the usual reasons. Not just to get Jack Jr. and his insanity off the streets. But also to be able to start giving Bonnie a home. I am thinking of the future, and desiring it. Something I have not done since the day I killed Joseph Sands.

Tommy is still clomping around. I turn on the TV in the living room and settle back to watch as I wait.

I'm twelve years old, and it is summer. A beautiful summer. My father is still alive, and I have no idea that he will be dead before I turn twentyone. We are at Zuma Beach, sitting on the hot sand. I can feel drops of the cold ocean water evaporating off my skin, can taste the salt on my lips. I am young, at the beach, and my father loves me. It is a perfect moment.

My father is watching the sky. I look over and see him smile, shaking his head.

"What, Daddy?"

"Just thinking about all the different kinds of sun, sweetheart. Every place has its own kind of sun, did you know that?"

"Really?"

"Uh-huh. There's Kansas wheat-field sun. There's Bangor, Maine, sun, all peeking through gray clouds, lighting up gray sky. There's Florida sun, kind of like sticky gold." He turns to me. "My all-time favorite is California sun. That dry, hot, no-clouds, all-blue-sky sun. Like today. It says everything is starting, something exciting is going to happen." He turns his head back toward the sky. Closes his eyes and lets the sun he loves best warm his face, while the sea breeze ruffles his hair. It is the first time that I ever thought of my father as beautiful. I didn't understand everything he was saying at the time, but it didn't matter. I understood that he was sharing something with me because he loved me. Whenever I think of my father, try to remember his essence, I think of that moment.

My dad was an amazing person. Mom died when I was ten. Though he staggered, he never fell. Never left me to myself while he wallowed in his grief. The one thing I never had to doubt, whatever else was happening, was that my father loved me. I wake up to someone touching me, and I spin off the couch, drawing my weapon as I open my eyes. It takes a few moments to register that it is Tommy. He doesn't seem alarmed. Just stands there, hands at his sides. I lower my gun.

"Sorry," he says.

"No, I'm sorry, Tommy."

"I finished with the sweep. The only thing I found is a tap on your phone. This is probably because you live alone. Unless you talk to yourself, the phone would be the only thing worth listening to."

"So, it's the phone and the car."

"Yes. Here's what I propose. I'll sleep down here, on your couch. Tomorrow when you leave, I'll follow you."

"Are you sure, Tommy? About staying here?"

"You're my principal now, Smoky. My job is to protect you, around the clock."

"I'd be lying if I said I didn't like it. Thanks."

"It's no problem. I owe you."

I look at him for a long time. "You know, Tommy, you don't really owe me anything. I was just doing my job. I doubt that you feel anyone you guarded in the Service owed you for that."

He turns his eyes to me. "No. But they felt they did. Because it was about their life. You stuck by me at a bad time. Whether or not you feel I owe you, I do." He's silent for a moment. "I only wish I had been here when Sands came."

I smile at him. "Me too."

He nods. "I'm here for you now. Get a good night's sleep. You don't have anything to worry about." He looks at me, and his eyes have changed. They are stone. Ice. Frozen granite. "Anyone who wants you has to come through me."

I look at Tommy. Really look at him. I think about the dream of my father, about everything that has happened. Everything that could happen. I examine his dark, deep eyes. His handsome face. I feel a longing.

"What's the matter?" he asks, voice soft.

I don't reply. Instead, I shock myself to the core by leaning up and kissing him on the lips. I feel him stiffen. He pushes me away.

"Whoa," he says.

I look down, unable to meet his eyes. "Am I that ugly, Tommy?"

There is a long silence. I feel his hand on my chin, lifting it up. I don't want to see his face. Don't want to see the revulsion.

"Look at me," he demands.

So I do. And my eyes widen. No revulsion. Just tenderness, mixed with anger.

"You're not ugly, Smoky. I always thought you were one sexy lady. Still do. You want somebody right now. I understand that. But I don't know that this would lead anywhere."

I gaze at him, feel the honesty of his words. "Would you think less of me if I didn't care?" I ask him, curious.

He shakes his head. "No. But that's not the problem."

"Then--what?"

He spreads his hands. "Whether or not you would think less of me."

His words make me pause. And they make me feel good. I lean forward. "You're a good man, Tommy. I trust you. I don't care where it leads, or if it leads anywhere." I reach out a hand, touch his face. "I'm lonely and I was hurt, yes. But that's not why. I just want a man to want me right now. That's all. Is that wrong?"