Ю Несбё - The Jealousy Man and Other Stories

After the stewardess had turned off the service light and disappeared, you kicked off your shoes and stretched out a pair of narrow, nylon-clad ankles that made me think of the ballet.

‘The suicide agency has very impressive offices in Manhattan,’ you said. ‘It’s a law firm, they claim that everything is legal and above board, and I don’t doubt it. For example, they won’t take the life of anyone who is mentally disturbed. You have to submit to a thorough psychiatric examination before signing the contract. And you also have to cancel any insurance policies you might have so that they can’t be sued by insurance companies. There are a lot of other conditional clauses too, but the most important is the confidentiality clause. In the USA the rights of two adult parties voluntarily to enter into an agreement go further than in most other countries; but if their practice became known, and there was publicity, they are, of course, afraid that the response would lead politicians to put a stop to them anyway. They don’t advertise their services, their clients are exclusively wealthy people who learn of their existence word-of-mouth.’

‘Well then, yes, I can see why they would want to keep a low profile.’

‘And their clients obviously require discretion; there’s something shameful about suicide, after all. Like abortion. Abortion clinics don’t operate illegally, but they don’t exactly advertise their business over the main entrance.’

‘That’s true.’

‘And of course, discretion and shame are what lie behind the whole business concept. Their clients are willing to pay large sums of money to be eliminated in a way that is physically and psychologically as pleasant and unexpected as possible. But the most important thing of all is that it happens in such a way that neither family, friends nor the world at large have any reason at all to suspect suicide.’

‘And how do they manage that?’

‘We’re never told, of course. Only that there are countless ways, and that it will happen within three weeks of the contract being signed. We’re not given any examples either, because that way we would, consciously or not, avoid certain situations, and that would generate an unnecessary degree of fear. All we are told is that it will be completely painless, and that we really won’t see it coming.’

‘I can understand why it’s important for some people to hide the fact that they’ve taken their own lives, but why is it for you? On the contrary, wouldn’t it be a way of taking your revenge?

‘On Robert and Melissa you mean?’

‘If you died in a way that was obviously suicide it wouldn’t just be about shame. Robert and Melissa would blame themselves, and also more or less consciously blame each other. This is something we see time and time again. Have you ever, for example, studied the divorce rate among parents of children who have taken their own lives? Or the figures for suicide among the parents?’

You just looked at me.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said and felt myself turning a little red. ‘I’m imputing a desire for revenge to you simply because I’m sure that’s what I would have felt myself in your position.’

‘You think you showed yourself up there, Shaun.’

‘Yes.’

You gave a brief, hard laugh. ‘That’s all right, because of course I want revenge. But you don’t know Robert and Melissa. If I were to kill myself and leave a note in which I said it was because Robert was unfaithful, he would of course deny it. He would point out that I had been treated for depression, which is true, and that towards the end I had also clearly developed paranoia. He and Melissa have been very discreet, so perhaps no one knows about them. I would guess that for about six months after the funeral, for the sake of appearances, she would date one of the other finance guys in Robert’s circle. They all drool over her, and she’s always got away with being the cockteaser she is. And after that she and Robert would announce they were a couple and explain that what brought them together was a shared grief over my death.’

‘OK, you’re probably even more of a misanthropist than me.’

‘I don’t doubt it. And the really nauseating thing is that deep down, Robert would feel a certain pride.’

‘Pride?’

‘Over the fact that a woman didn’t want to live if she couldn’t have him all to herself. That’s how he would look at it. And that’s how Melissa would look at it too. My suicide would raise his stock even higher and end up making them happier.’

‘You believe that?’

‘Sure I do. Aren’t you familiar with René Girard’s theory about mimetic desires ?’

‘No.’

‘Girard’s theory is that beyond satisfying our basic needs we don’t know what it is we want. So we mimic our surroundings, we value what other people value. If enough people around you say Mick Jagger is sexy, you’ll end up wanting him yourself, even if in the first place you think he looks awful. If Robert’s stock goes up because of my suicide, Melissa will want him even more, and they’ll be even happier together.’

‘I understand. And if it looks as though you died in an accident or died some other form of natural death?’

‘Then it has the opposite effect. I become the one whom chance or fate took. And Robert will think differently about my death and about me as a person. Slowly but distinctly I’ll develop a saintly aura. And when the day comes when Melissa starts to annoy Robert — and she will — he’ll just remember all the good things about me and miss what we had together. I wrote him a letter two days ago telling him I’m leaving him because I need to be free.’

‘Does that mean he doesn’t know that you know he’s been messing about with Melissa?’

‘I’ve read all their text messages on his phone and never said a word to anyone before now, before you.’

‘And the purpose of the letter?’

‘In the beginning he’ll feel it’s a relief not to have to be the one who leaves. It’ll save him money in the divorce settlement and leave him looking like the good guy, even if he does hook up with Melissa shortly afterwards. But after a while the seed planted in that letter will grow. That I left him to be free, yes. But also because I must have thought I could meet someone better than him. That there might even have been someone even before I left. Someone who wanted me. And as soon as Robert thinks that...’

‘...that means you’re the one with the mimetic desires. And that’s why you went to the suicide agency.’

You shrugged. ‘So then what is the divorce rate among the parents of children who take their own lives?’

‘What?’

‘And which parent is it that takes their own life? The mother, am I right?’

‘Well, you tell me,’ I said, fixing my gaze on the back of the seat in front of me. But I could feel your eyes on me as you waited for a more detailed answer.

I was rescued by the arrival of two glasses that appeared as if by magic from the darkness and landed on the armrest between us.

I coughed. ‘Isn’t it intolerable to have to wait so long? Wake up every morning and think, perhaps today I’ll be murdered?’

You hesitated; you didn’t want to let me off that easily. But in the end you let it go and answered: ‘Not if the thought that perhaps today I won’t be murdered feels worse. Even if, naturally, we are sometimes overcome by panic about dying, and a survival instinct we never asked for, the fear of dying is no greater than the fear of living. But that’s something that you as a psychologist are familiar with.’ You put a slightly exaggerated stress on psychologist.

‘True enough,’ I said. ‘But studies have been made into nomadic tribes in Paraguay where the tribal council decides that someone has grown so old and weak that they’ve become a burden to the tribe and have to be killed. The person in question doesn’t know either when or how it’s going to happen, but they accept that that’s the way things are. After all, the tribe has managed in an environment with little food and long, arduous wandering because they sacrificed the weak so they can take care of the healthy and ensure that the tribe survives. Maybe in their younger days those now under sentence of death themselves had to swing the club over the head of some frail old great-aunt one dark evening outside the cabin. And yet the research shows that for the members of the tribe the uncertainty creates a high level of stress and that in itself is a probable cause of the short life expectancy among these tribes.’