Филип Керр - Metropolis

‘What the hell do you think you’re doing? I could — you could have been killed. Those young bastards — I mean, they’re vicious. Heartless.’ He kicked one of the wild boys still lying on the sidewalk, which stirred the youth enough to drag himself away. ‘I was at the local apothecary getting some drops for my eyes. It’s just as well I hadn’t yet used them, otherwise I might not have seen you at all and you’d be on your way to the Charité. One more bleeding body for my poor wife to patch up. You know she’s a nurse, right? Why, just the other night she had to fix up a hotel doorman who got himself beat up by some of these feral queers because they wanted to steal his top hat. Maybe these were the very ones who did it. But I still don’t understand — why the hell are you sitting here dressed up like a half-eaten war bagel?’

I waited until the remaining wild boy had run off before answering.

‘Working undercover,’ I said. ‘You might say I’m a tethered goat playing the klutz in the hope of ambushing Dr Gnadenschuss.’

‘Ambush, how? By rolling your wagon wheels over his toes before he can shoot you?’

‘No, I’ve got a gun. At least I had one until this morning. I must have lost it when I was rolling myself over the bridge. I was looking for it when you showed up and saved my hide. Thanks, by the way. You were just in time to save me a beating. Or worse.’

‘Who thought up this crazy scheme? No, don’t tell me. It was that idiot Bernhard Weiss, wasn’t it? Gennat would never have gone along with something as dumb as this. The Big Buddha’s got common sense. But Weiss — like any ex-lawyer, he reads far too many books. Typical Jew, of course. Always got his nose in a book. He should have been a rabbi, not a cop.’

‘You’re a Jew yourself, Kurt.’

‘Yes, but he’s a clever Jew and people don’t like that. I’m not a clever Jew like him. Weiss is the kind of Jew who has a surfeit of new ideas. People don’t like new ideas. Especially in Germany. They like the old ones. The old lies best of all. That’s what Hitler is all about. Says he’s got new ideas but they’re just the old ideas, reheated, like yesterday’s dinner. New ideas, nobody likes that. People are afraid of the new. Look here, we work for the Berlin police force, not a laboratory of human behaviour. Jesus, you should never have been asked to do this without some backup. Some other cops to watch over you. One at the very least.’

‘I think we both thought that Dr Gnadenschuss is too smart not to spot something like that.’

‘I don’t think he’s smart. I think he’s been lucky, that’s all. Probably because there are some people who just don’t want this monster to be caught. Who think he’s doing God’s good work. Cleaning up the streets. You know, respectable window-box folk who like things neat and tidy. And there’s nothing tidy about the way you look and what you’re doing. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about. I know this city like I know my own prick. Do you ever ask yourself why I’m on the street so much instead of being in the office, Bernie? Walking around like I’m just a citizen? I talk to the meat, that’s why. I’m a social animal. I like to talk. I chat to whores, pimps, thieves and rapists. Shit, I’ll even speak to cops in uniform. I collect their stories like I’m a writer and, sometimes, I even see a connection. Hell, that’s true detection. When you talk to the meat on the street you hear things. And we both know that there are ways of keeping a man under surveillance without drawing attention to yourself. I wish you’d asked me. I could have helped.’

‘In that outfit?’

‘Listen to Lon Chaney.’

‘Look, we thought we had to do something. Especially with those letters he keeps writing to the damn newspapers. They’re beginning to hit home. We’re no nearer to catching him now after five victims than we were before he killed anyone.’

‘Sure, sure. But still, it’s a risk you’re running here, Bernie. When you play in the street, you risk getting yourself run over. It’s not just klutzes and whores who get killed in this city. It’s cops, too. Maybe you’ve forgotten Johannes Buchholz.’

‘That was other cops who shot him.’

‘If you say so. But those two cops they booked for it were acquitted. All I’m saying is that you need to be more careful. The first law of police work in Berlin is to go home at night without a new hole in your head; everything else is of secondary importance, my friend. So what are you going to do now?’

‘Stick it out here for a while. See if I get a bite.’

‘Really? Surely you’ve scared the fish away with all this commotion. You won’t get a bite now. I can guarantee it.’

‘It’s not even lunchtime. Besides, if you knew how long it takes me to get this make-up on — I have to make that seem like it was worthwhile.’

‘Yes, I can see you put a lot of energy into that disguise. It’s a good look for you. I suppose your legs are folded away inside your cripple-cart. Ingenious. Never seen that before.’

‘I found it abandoned at the site of Eva Angerstein’s murder.’

‘You did?’

‘A yokel catcher had been using it. A burglar’s achtung . That’s what helped to give Weiss the idea.’

‘I see. You know, it strikes me that Weiss looks more like a genuine klutz than you do. He’s small enough. Makes me wonder why he didn’t take on the role himself. But suppose he does turn up — Dr Gnadenschuss. Without a gun, what can you do? Talk him into surrendering?’

‘I’ll think of something.’

‘And while you’re thinking he’ll blow your brains out. No, I don’t think that will work.’ Reichenbach smiled and put his hand in his side pocket and produced a little pistol, which he handed to me. ‘Here. Take this. Just in case. Let me have it back when you’re through with this foolishness. Don’t worry. I’ve got another.’ He unbuttoned the top button of his jacket to reveal a Walther in a shoulder holster. ‘Catch me, a Jew, walking around this town without a Bismarck. I should say not. I’ve got a lot of enemies. And not all of them work at the Alex. By the way, have you noticed the number of Nazis there are around the Praesidium these days? There’s something about the warmer weather that brings them out of their holes, like cockroaches. That bastard Arthur Nebe, for one. Not to mention that bastard who took a swing at you on the stairs at the Alex; Gottfried Nass, wasn’t it? Yes, Nass is another cop I’d like to shoot.’ He nodded firmly. ‘Let me know if you need my help. Any time.’

‘Thanks, Kurt. Listen, one good turn deserves another. The fellow who got himself shot on Friedrichstrasse yesterday.’

‘Pimp called Willi Beckmann. What about him?’

‘I know the name of the Fritz who did it. At least, half his name. Hugo something. Hangs around the Sing Sing Club. Built like a wrestler. The girl who was weeping and wailing over Willi’s body was Hugo’s girlfriend, Helga. At least that’s what he thought. Which is why Hugo put all those coins in Willi’s slot. So it wasn’t ring-related. It was a love triangle. You can have the collar. Like I say, one good turn.’

‘Thanks. But how do you know all this?’

‘Long story. But I was there when it happened. Playing klutz . And I saw the whole thing, from the quiet prologue to the fiery finale. Unlike the girl. Whatever she says now, she saw nothing except Willi’s dead body.’

‘And you don’t want the credit, because?’

‘Because I’m the witness. And because I don’t want to come into the Alex and do the paperwork. Not yet. And not dressed like this. I figured that maybe you could pick him up and see if he still has the Bergmann MP-18 that he used to kill Willi. And the car he was driving when he did it. A yellow BMW Dixi, registration IA 17938. If he does, you may not need a witness at all.’