Джеймс Чейз - You’re Lonely When You’re Dead

Kerman adjusted his necktie with a finicky little movement and eyed Miss Bolus with unconcealed admiration.

‘Madam,’ he said, with a formal bow, ‘I would be shirking my duty if I did not warn you against this man. His reputation is notorious. Ever since he gained access to Ebbing he’s been a menace to young and unprotected girls. All over the country hundreds of revengeful fathers are hunting for him with shotguns. Every time he passes the local orphanage toddlers stretch out their little arms and lisp “Daddy!” The beautiful girls you see lying in the gutters of this fair city have been thrown there by this fiend. Women are his playthings; here today, the gutter tomorrow. May I take you home to your mother?’

‘And if she’s anything like you, baby,’ Benny said with a leer, ‘I’ll come along too.’

Miss Bolus looked at me inquiringly.

‘Are they always as drunk as this?’ she asked without a great show of interest.

‘It’s about their usual form,’ I said. ‘Perhaps I’d better introduce you. You’ll be seeing a lot of them I’m afraid. The dapper drunk is Jack Kerman. The other one who looks as if he’s slept in his clothes is Ed Benny. They’re harmless enough in straitjackets. Boys, meet Miss Bolus.’

Kerman and Benny sat down. They folded their arms on the table and studied Miss Bolus with an admiration that would have been embarrassing if she was the type to be embarrassed, but she wasn’t.

‘I like her eyes, Jack,’ Benny said, bunching his fingers to his lips and blowing a kiss to the ceiling, ‘and the delicate curve of her ears, and the line of her neck — particularly the line of her neck.’

Kerman declaimed with exaggerated gestures:

‘She was a phantom of delight

When first she gleamed upon my sight;

A lovely Apparition sent

To be a moment’s ornament.’

Benny and I stared at him goggle-eyed.

‘Where did you get that?’ I asked. ‘I didn’t know you could read.’

Benny hurriedly found a pencil and wrote down the quotation on his shirt cuff.

‘Would you mind if I used that, Jack?’ he asked anxiously. ‘It’s a very beautiful compliment, and I haven’t said anything nice to my girl for weeks.’

Kerman waved a deprecatory hand.

‘Sure,’ he said. ‘That’s nothing. I got culture. That’s what a girl likes — culture.’

‘There are other things,’ Miss Bolus said suavely.

The waiter arrived at this moment with the special lunch, and for a few minutes while he set the plates and dishes before us there was a lull.

‘And bring a bottle of Irish,’ Kerman ordered. He leaned forward to ask Miss Bolus, ‘Can I press you to a little wine, madam?’

She laughed.

‘He’s crazy,’ she said to me. ‘Do they always act like this?’

‘Most of the time,’ I told her. ‘So long as you don’t take them seriously they’re all right. But if they want to guess your weight and ask you to let them run their hands over you, then’s the time to holla “Fire!” ‘

Kerman spotted my bruise.

‘Look!’ he said excitedly to Benny. ‘Someone hates him worse than we do.’

Benny gaped at my neck, got up, came around the table and peered at the bruise closely.

“Did she do that?’ he asked, his voice hushed in awe.

‘No, you big dope,’ I said. ‘Sit down and I’ll tell you.’

While we were eating I told them about Mills.

‘And you mean to tell me you let some punk kick you in the neck and he’s still alive to tell the tale?’ Benny asked, shocked. ‘I don’t believe it!’

‘If you think you can do better I’ll fix it so you can meet him,’ I said a little heatedly. ‘You ask her. She knows him He’s way out of our class.’

Miss Bolus shrugged her elegant shoulders.

‘Oh, I don’t know. He’s good, but not all that good,’ she said indifferently. ‘He’s wide open to a left counter to the jaw. When he hits you with his right you want to move in with a left jab.’

‘Theories,’ I said and sneered. ‘When he hits you with his right you stay hit. The next time I talk to him I’ll take a gun along.’ I turned to the others. ‘Miss Bolus is going to help us solve the case. She’s interested in criminology.’

‘She must be if she’s chummed up with you,’ Benny said bitterly. He said to Miss Bolus with an ingratiating smile, ‘You and me can work the night shift. I’ll read your bumps.’

‘ Mister Benny!’ Kerman exclaimed shocked.

‘I mean the bumps on her head, you dope!’ Benny said, annoyed. ‘Phrenology is an exact science.’

‘Can we cut out this frolicate and get down to business?’ I asked the waiter to put a bottle of Irish whisky on the table. I offered Miss Bolus a drink, but she said she didn’t touch hard liquor until seven o’clock.

Kerman said he didn’t either, that is if she meant seven in the morning.

‘Now, Jack, how about Leadbetter?’ I asked, pouring myself a drink and passing the bottle to Benny.

‘Well, I’ve seen him,’ Kerman said, wrinkling up his eyes and frowning. ‘I didn’t get much out of him. He’s an odd customer. He has a little shack on the edge of the dunes, and there’s a big telescope on the roof. He spends a lot of his time up there peeping at anything that happens along, and by the way he smacked his lips when he told me I guess it wouldn’t be a bad way of spending an afternoon at that.’

‘Never mind the asides,’ I said. ‘Did you get anything out of him?’

‘It struck me he did know more than he says. His story is he was out looking for a fish hawk’s nest — why he had to look for it at that time of night he didn’t say — and he came upon Dana’s handbag, saw the bloodstains and went straight off to the police. He said he didn’t see anyone out there, but when I hinted I’d pay for information he said he wasn’t sure he hadn’t seen anyone, and his memory was bad, and he’d like a little time to think about it.’

‘I bet he didn’t say that to Mifflin,’ I said.

Kerman shook his head.

‘He’s scared of the police. I have a feeling he knows something, but he’s hoping to collect on his information.’

‘Maybe he’s thinking of tapping the killer,’ I said thoughtfully. ‘If he knows who he is he might try blackmail.’

‘Yeah, I thought of that. He’s the type.’

‘I think I’ll call on him, Jack. He might react to a little tough persuasion. I’d make him more scared of me than of the police.’

‘Well, you try, but watch out. You know what Brandon’s like. If he thinks you’re interfering with his witness...’

‘I’ll watch out. Anything else, Jack?’

‘I went along to that big service station near Santa Rosa Estate. I thought there might be a chance Anita had looked in there for gas before she skipped, but she hadn’t. While I was talking to one of the mechanics, Cerf’s Filipino chauffeur drove in. He had a loose tappet he was too lazy to fix himself, and while the mechanic was adjusting it I got talking to him. He’s one of those guys who likes to hear his own voice, and after I’d oiled him with a five-spot I got him on to Mrs. Cerf. I told him I was from the Herald and wanted to see Mrs. Cerf. He said she had gone away. This bit’s interesting. He said she ordered the Packard to be left at the side entrance of the house at ten o’clock last night. He waited up for her, but at two o’clock when she hadn’t shown up he decided she was staying out for the night and went to bed. She didn’t come back, and the car’s still missing.’

‘She didn’t come back?’ I repeated, staring at him.

‘That’s right. He says he reported to Cerf the car hadn’t been returned to the garage, and Cerf said it was all right and that he knew about it.’