Charlie Huston - Caught Stealing

Russ is still sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, his eyes closed.

– I had metLum through friends of, like, friends, and he was this kind of kid criminal prodigy. He wanted to be getting into heavier shit, so I set him up with Ed and Paris and they took him under their wing, sort of.Mmmm. So, at some point it all had to get, like, fucked up, and sure enough, it did. What happened was people, people in the life, got wind of what they were up to and some disinformation was floated their way through, like, usually reliable channels. They went in and hit this card game, thinking it was a bunch of bookies. Turned out it was a cop game.

And counting.

– Ed and Paris don’t even, like, blink. They just pull the job likeit’s business as usual while all these cops are telling them how dead they are. Then, like, it gets messy,cuz one of the cops goes for his ankle piece. Ed and Paris aren’t fools. They, like, don’t want to kill any cops, but they bust the guy up bad and split with the kitty. Now they’re just red fucking hot and they’re trying to decide if they should blow town or, like, what, and that’s when Roman pops up.Mmmm. Roman, he was like this hotshot hero cop way back.Some kind ofSerpico with a real hard-on for the law. ’Cept, story is, he had a bad gamblingjones. So things happen, right? He makes a bet here and there, gets some debt, makes a couple small moves to clear it up and next thing you know, he’s a hard-core player. That’s the way the system works.Mmmmmm. At this stage, he’s a robbery dick and he’s already, like, dirty as hell. He tracks Ed and Paris down, I mean like a bloodhound. He just goes right to ’em. There’s this big Mexican face-off and he ends up showing all his cards. Turns out he’s been on to Ed and Paris for a while. Turns out he’s, like, this big fan, he’s, like, recognized their talents and wants to, like, manage them. And so that’s what he does. Takes over and makes them into stars.Mmmm.

Counting.

– First, he pins the card game heist and all their other jobs on these niggers up in the Bronx. Those chumps get theAmadouDiallo treatment, so they don’t dispute any claims made against them. Next, he starts picking gigs for them, using his scoop from being on the force and all. He starts local, then pretty soon he’s got Ed, Paris andLum working all over thetristate, right.Mmmm. I have my hand in, too, like, fence this or get that tool or ditch a car or whatever, nothing too big. Every now and then, Roman comes up with somethingsuperheavy and for those he sends in, like, his right-hand man.Bolo. Bolo was a longshoreman. Roman busted him for jacking cargo and then put him to work for the cause.Made Bolo his enforcer on the street.Mmmm. Tell you what. Seeing Ed, Paris,Lum and Bolo go into a room and work it over? That was, like, something else.Pure fear. Those boys all together just radiated fucking fear. People just gave them whatever the fuck and ifthey, like, got belligerent or some shit, then the hammer came down and that was that. Like,woe betide the motherfucker.

I look at what’s left uncounted in the bag. I’m in the home stretch.

– Mmmm. So, so, this goes for years, right. They work a handful of jobs a year, then lie low, then go at it again. All is well. Roman spots a potential job, does the research,sends in his team, they knock it down, he chills any possible heat and all the rest is profit. Roman, he still suffers from that gambling bug. So he’s, like, investing his share in Atlantic City stocks and bonds, ifya get me. Bolo andLum, they’re all about good times, so they just party down. Ed and Paris, they live like fucking monks; I mean, the duds and the wheels aside, these are very simple men. They go in for booze and whores, but no drugs, no gold, nobling, no fucking Lexus, no palace. Just that Caddie and the best guns money can buy. They stockpile their cash, like, not in a bank, but under a damn mattress or some shit.Mmmm.

I finish counting, lean against the wall next to Russ, stare at the money and chew more gum while he finishes the story.

– At some point, there’sa brouhaha. The boys are doing a chip heist.Silicon chips. The markup on that shit is, like, unreal. That tech shit, it’s, like, changed the whole economy. Anyway, turns out some other crew is already there making the same fucking heist.Gunfight, man.All hell and then some. Cops roll up on the scene and Ed, Paris, Bolo andLum end up shooting their way out and this time theykack three officers.Mmmm. Well, that’s the kind of mess even Roman can’t clean up, so it’s time for the gang to, like, disband. Roman keeps Bolo stashed in Jersey so he can still use him if he needs to, but he, like, cutsLum and the boys loose.Fine with Ed and Paris. They, like, pack their bags and head south again.Mmmm. They, like, stay mellow for a year, but then they get an idea and they give me a ring. See, Ed and Paris, they, like, want to retire, but they don’t figure they have quite enough put away, so they want to do a series of jobs, cash in their chips and head down to Mexico or someplace.

Mexico. I think about Mexican beer with a squeeze of lime.

– Mmmm.Mmmm. Ed, now Ed, he’s been, like, learning from Roman, so he’s got this plan. He wants to loop through the South and back up through the Midwest doing bank jobs. No major branches, he just wants to hit a wholeshitload of little, like, farmers’ and merchants’ banks in all those little towns. They hook back up withLum so he can be their wheelman and take care of any alarm action and technical issues. What they want from me is help with the cash.Mmmm. Bank cash is all dirty cash, so it has to be, like, cleaned off. They know I can’t really do that on my own, so that’s when they call Roman back in.Mmmm. Roman has all the connections, including, get this.Mmmm. Including the Russian Mafia,which is how those thugs Bert and Ernie got into this shit.Mmmm.

Bert and Ernie.I see Blackie on the floor in the bar almost headless. I wonder which one he was.

– The deal is, Ed and Paris, they, like, ship the bank money to me, just, like, Federal Express it, man, if you can believe that shit. I pass it on to Roman, who moves it through the Russians till it’s washed and he hands it back over to me, at like which point I put it in safekeeping. Ed and Paris getcaught, they don’t want to be holding the bag, right. For my services, I’m paid a flat fee. The Russians slice a big percentage out of the gross, Roman takes a cut of the, like, net and the boys andLum will split the rest. And it goes fucking perfectly.Mmmm. Ed and Paris go on a full-out crime spree, straight-out holdups, real, like, Dodge City shit. They are fully notorious and on the FBI Most Wanted, but they’re, like,uncatchable. Just so fast and mean they can’t be caught. They pull those hit-and-runs for almost two years and the money piles up and up and, well, man, look at it.

He opens his eyes and we both look at the money. There’s a lot.

– A couple weeks back they say, that’s it, they’re coming to town to pick up their jack. They send the dough from the last bank, I have it laundered, bring it here, pack it with the rest and I guess that’s when I, like, started getting, like, sick thoughts and, well, you know, things got all, like, fucked up. But, man, it’s just, it’s just, like, so much fucking money,ya know? It just, it just made me, like, stupid.Mmmm. Man, I don’t feel too good.

He passes out. I lay him out on the floor and check his eyes again. The left one is still kind of funky. I take off his ski cap. The toilet paper mostly falls right off, but some of it is sticking to the wound on his scalp. I try to pick it out, but he winces a few times in his sleep, so I just leave it as is. It needs to be cleaned out and stitched up, but for now the bleeding has stopped and that’s gonna have to be good enough.