Charlie Huston - The Shotgun Rule

– Stay over there, Fernando.

Fernando stays put.

– Don’t want to be waving a wrench at me, Loller, not unless you got a gun in your other hand.

– I ain’t a kid, man. I was skinning knuckles on motherfuckers’ teeth when you were flunking kindergarten.

– Hey, makes two of us.

– Just stay over there.

– Whatever you say, pendejo.

– Yeah, fuck your mother.

Geezer grunts.

– Jeff.

– Don’t talk, Geezer. Seriously, man. I mean, all the respect in the world, but just, you know, shut up.

– Jeff.

– No, I mean it. Telling these kids ’bout that shit. Beating on kids. That’s fucked up. So just can it. I don’t want to hear.

– Kids! Kids! Kids! We were barely older than they are. Being a kid matters what kind of shit you get up to? And these kids are just the tip of the iceberg.

– They’re thieves, Geezer! They’re punkass thieves. They. You know, I’m not a, whatever, a scientist or something, but I figured out what you’re thinking. And there’s no one moving in on you, you paranoid son of a bitch. Man, Amy Whelan isn’t running some game on you. She’s not into your business. She’s doesn’t want anything to do with Oakland. So, look. I’m taking the kids out of here. I got to. I’m like a friend of the family, sort of. I’ve. That kid, that’s Bob’s oldest, man, I remember when that kid was a baby, man.

– Jeff, my man, you think you know what you’re talking about, but you don’t. Alright, you don’t know shit about the deal, I believe that, you’ve never had a clue. But you expect me to think it’s coincidence? My lab gets busted? Just as I’m trying to set up a new lab, increase the profitability of the venture here, have a little something on the side that Oakland doesn’t know about, just as I’m doing that, some kids stumble in and screw things up? Oh, and hey, the kids just happen to be Amy Whelan’s nephews? Just happen to be Bob Whelan’s kids? I’m gonna believe that shit? Let me tell you, I never, I never believed for a second he was out of it for good. I always knew he’d come back around. Pounding nails when he could be pounding skulls? Bob Whelan? That was never gonna last. Scratching out whatever he makes when he could have the fat of the land? No, uh uh, I am an obese, foul mouthed and racist motherfucker, I am white trash to my Tony Lamas, but I am not that stupid. You, look, close the door and let me explain a few things to you about profit and loss and the kind of money we’re talking about. The kind of money we’re talking about, kids don’t just stumble in and screw things up. It’s common sense. It’s counter…the word?

Jeff hefts the wrench.

– I don’t know the word, man. Just shut the fuck up before I forget myself and put this through your fat face.

Geezer shrugs and draws an invisible zipper closed across his lips.

Jeff sees Ramon.

– Fucking A.

He looks at Fernando.

– Your brother looks like hell, man.

– No shit.

– Yeah. Well. Go lay down on the floor on your face or I’ll bust your teeth out.

Fernando lies down on his face.

Jeff crosses to the boys.

– I am sorry about this, Geezer. Seriously, I will make it up to you. But you know, after you cool off, I think you’re gonna thank me. You were getting away from yourself here. Once you get a chance to sit back and think about it, you’ll know this is the way to handle this. These kids, they’re punks, smartasses, but they’re not like a part of a conspiracy kind of thing. They fucked up. They fucked up and they learned their lesson. Thing we got to do now, we got to get them home and safe and put this behind us. Make up some story ’bout how they got in a fight or something. Keep Bob out of this. That’s what we got to do now.

He squats in front of George and Hector.

– Hey, George. You OK, man? Hector, you look like, man, you look like the Hunchback, man. No, no, I didn’t mean that, you’re OK. Gonna. Jesus.

He looks over his shoulder.

– Fuck, Geezer. Kids.

Geezer keeps his lips zipped.

– Jeff.

He looks at George.

– What’s up, man, ready to split? Where’s your bro? Where’s Paul? Let’s get you guys out of here. Know who’s gonna patch you up? Your aunt. How good is that, having a nurse for your aunt when shit like this comes down? C’mon, guys, take a hand, let’s get up.

– Jeff.

– I ever tell you, me and your dad, I ever tell you the time we went toe to toe with those Angels? The real deal. Angels from the Oakland chapter, out here making trouble. Me and your pop, we came out of it looking a hell of a lot worse than you do. Those Angels though, when we were done with them, they made us look pretty.

Geezer unzips it.

– Right, tell them another one. Like you had anything to do with what those Angels looked like when that went down. Kids, listen to me, this guy, he threw a couple punches, got knocked down and stayed down.

– Fuck you, Geez.

– You, George, your old man, he wrecked those cocksuckers. Had this baseball bat he used to carry with him, the handle sawed off, wrapped in tape, had nails driven through the head of it, galvanized. Know why he used galvanized nails?

Jeff stuffs the wrench in his boot top and takes each boy by the hand.

– Shut it, Geezer.

Geezer laughs.

– Said he used galvanized nails so the blood wouldn’t rust them.

He coughs, chokes, laughs again.

– No shit, kids, that night, he laid the law down on those Angels. Ever see a guy try to talk when he’s got nail holes in his cheek? Blood just sprays all over. Funny as hell.

Jeff squeezes George’s arm.

– Don’t listen to him, he’s full of shit.

– Hey, hey, I’m just finishing the story you started. If you’d been up to finishing it, I’d have kept my mouth shut. Like Bob, if he’d been up to finishing what he started that day, none of us would be here, yeah? These spics wouldn’t be anywhere near this business if Bob had taken the bull by the horns. His kids never would have crossed paths with the Arroyos, right? And me and you, shit, we’d be working together. Working with Bob. Kids, your dad had done the right thing and stood behind the message he sent that night, if he’d gone over the hill to Oakland and finished the job on their ground, you wouldn’t need to be ripping off my crank, you’d have it running hot and cold from your taps. But he had better things to do. And don’t come on all noble about kids, Loller, you were pissed about it just as much as I was.

Jeff lets go of the boys’ arms, takes hold of the wrench again and rises.

– Shut up! It’s past! It’s over! No one else thinks about it anymore but you.

– You don’t think about it, Jeff? You telling me you don’t think about it every time you put on that Security Eye uniform?

Jeff bites his lip.

– The way it is is the way it is and.

– The way it is is the way it is. You lameass hippie loser.

– Fucking shut up, man.

– Jeff!

He looks down at George.

– What, George, what?

– He’s got a gun.

Jeff is turning his head when Geezer shoots. The bullet takes him in the jaw and blows the bottom of his face onto the wall and he falls on top of George and Hector.

Hector throws up, the vomit burning the torn flesh inside his mouth.

George blinks, trying to clear his eyes of Jeff’s blood.

Fernando gets up on his hands and knees.

– Shit, Geez.

– Shut up. Get the other one. Get the comatose kid in here. We’re gonna get to the bottom of this shit right now.

Fernando heads for the master bedroom, staring at Jeff’s ripped face, bumping into a wall on the way.

Geezer waits till he’s gone before breaking the barrel of the derringer and popping out the spent shell casing.