Jeff Abbott: Only Good Yankee

Aside from Miss Twyla, Nina, Tiny, and myself, there was a scattering of forty or so people who didn’t own land by the river but had gotten riled up by Miss Twyla. Also present was our esteemed Mayor (and my boss), Parker Loudermilk and his wife, Dee. I remembered that Dee owned some of the land that Lorna and Greg Callahan wanted to buy.

Parker, I’ve no doubt, was looking for whatever favorable impressions he could get out of the situation. Parker’s not bad as bosses go-as long as you watch your back. I saw with some amusement that my old friend Eula Mae Quiff had embraced this latest cause. If there’s action anywhere in Mirabeau, Eula Mae’s usually hovering nearby drinking it all in. She’s a best-selling romance novelist and my favorite of the town eccentrics. (And it’s a wide and varied choice.) Tonight she wiggled beringed fingers at me while she chattered with Miss Twyla and Nina. I figured the outlandish dashiki she sported was to show her concern for the environment, other cultures, and general world harmony. I took Eula Mae aside when some other folks began talking to Nina and Miss Twyla. “What are you doing here? You don’t even own land on the river.” “Well, pardon me, Squire Poteet,” she sniffed, running a hand through her graying curls. “I didn’t know you had to have a title to the sacred acres to care about saving the Colorado.” “I’m not convinced the river’s in danger, Eula Mae.” “Well, our way of life is. I don’t want a bunch of snotty Houstonians down here on weekends, jamming up our streets and spoiling my view of the river.” She patted my good arm. “Do you need the money you might get from the land sale, sugar? You just let me know. I’ll be glad to loan you some cash. Is your hospital bill making you fret?” “That’s not the point, Eula Mae. We don’t know much about what tactics this Nina Hernandez is going to use to stop this development. I think she gets ornery if she doesn’t get her way. I just want for there to be reasoned discussion, not a bunch of mudslinging and hysteria.” “Honey pie, you’re talking about money and people and land. Reasoned discussion isn’t part of that equation. Look at all the problems they’ve had over in Austin with greedy developers from out of state.”

“Look, I know one of those so-called greedy developers-” “That big-boned Yankee gal with the Polish name?” Nothing got by Eula Mae, and I didn’t miss the amused glint in her eye. Teasing me is probably Eula Mae’s favorite pastime, aside from ogling men and deciphering her royalty statements. “Yes, that would be her, Eula Mae.” I glanced around to see if Candace had arrived yet-but then, I didn’t know if she even knew about the meeting. “Listen, I know Lorna, and I don’t think she’d be involved with anything unsavory-” “Jordy, that girl drips unsavory like week-old barbecue,” Eula Mae said. “Itasca told me about her little entrance at the library. And I can only imagine the two of you together. Actually, it’s nearly romantic. Poor lonely Southern lad, cast adrift in the big, heartless city. I’ll guess you met her during one of those dreadful winters and needed a bedwarmer. I bet that chest of hers could heat all of Massachusetts.” Yes, Eula Mae actually talks like her books. It can be real amusing as long as she’s not talking about you. “And how does Candace like your little visitor?” “Fine, just fine.” I definitely didn’t want to be discussing my love life with Eula Mae. If I wasn’t careful, I’d read it again in the fat pages of one of her potboilers. She patted my arm again. “I gotta go say hi to the Terwilliger sisters, sugar doll. I’ll catch you later.” She toddled off in the direction of some of the elderly ladies that hovered near Miss Twyla, undoubtedly members of our local widows’ and spinsters’ Mafia. If they were on Miss Twyla’s side, I nearly felt sorry for Intraglobal. My former uncle Bidwell Poteet (blessedly former since I found out that Bob Don’s my dad meant that Bid isn’t my biological uncle) also appeared, scowled at the audience, and broke into an unexpected grin when he saw me. To my horror, he made a beeline for me. It was sort of like being hounded by a small, smelly Chihuahua. Uncle Bid is hairless (as far as we can tell, and I’m not about to investigate past his pate) and he always reeks of stale cigarillos. “Well, boy, I see you nearly got yours.” He poked at my slinged arm. ‘Try to hide your disappointment,” I answered dryly.

“Seriously, Jordy, you are okay, aren’t you?” His husky voice lowered and I thought: It can’t be-not genuine concern for me. I regarded him suspiciously. Maybe I’d misjudged the old toot. “Yes, I’m fine, Uncle Bid, thank you for asking.” His scrawny shoulders heaved in relief.

“Good. If you died, I don’t know who you’ve got those riverfront acres willed to-and having it tied up in probate right now could sour the deal for the rest of us.” “Your consideration for my well-being is touching. Like bad heartburn.” I glared down at him. “Why do I have the feeling you’d sell Intraglobal your land even if they were building a nuclear reactor next to the town?” “Hell, boy, money’s money. If you had one scrap of sense in that brain my brother wasted all that money eddicatin’, you’d know that.” He jabbed a finger into my chest (about as high up as he could reach). “Get some sense in you, Jordy, for once, please. Sell to these folks and don’t listen to that shell-wearin’ Austin hippie up there.” “I’ll consider that as strongly as I do all other advice you give me,” I promised. The insult went over his head, since it didn’t have far to jump. “All right, then. You got any questions on how to unload that land, you see me.” His chocolaty dark eyes squinted at me. “I might just buy your land first, you know, then sell it to Intraglobal. I’ll give you a fair price.

Think it over, nephew.” He sashayed off, greeting people who forced smiles to their faces, and sat in the back row. He must’ve thought the seating chart was by IQ. I wasn’t terribly impressed by this show of Poteet family love. If Eula Mae was right and this development had anything unsavory about it, Uncle Bid’d no doubt be nearby, adding his own unique stench to the pot. Miss Twyla called the crowd to order. I took a seat near the back. As Miss Twyla was explaining the purpose of the meeting, Candace slipped in and sat beside me. She took my hand and squeezed it. “And how was your little dinner?” I’m not one for public affection, but I kissed her-and then wondered if she could tell my lips had been kissed. “Fine. She just mostly wanted to talk business.” “I bet she did.” She gave me an enigmatic look and turned her attention to Miss Twyla. I glanced around the room again. Bob Don, to my surprise, was not present. I thought for sure he’d want to hear about a land deal that affected him personally. And I felt momentarily stung; he’d given me this land, and now the situation was getting complicated, and he wasn’t here to be with me. Maybe I didn’t matter to him as much as I thought. Wrong; he’d been at the hospital when I’d gotten hurt. I hoped our mad bomber didn’t know about the meeting; he could take out quite a few people with this gathering. Miss Twyla ran the meeting like one of her high-school classes. Quickly calling it to order, she summarized Intraglobal’s intentions-and voiced her own (and others’) opposition to the development. After this brief statement, she called Nina Hernandez to the front to tell everyone what “the battle plan” would be. I grimaced at the idea of getting myself into any mess that required a battle plan. “Ladies and gentlemen of Mirabeau,” Nina intoned with grandiose dignity, “I warn you now;

Gregory Callahan is not a man who will take no for an answer.