John Locke - Box

“I’d be willing to cut off my ears if it would make you stop using that stupid kindergarten voice.”

She frowns.

I say, “You seriously believe by forcing me to paint your nails I’ll become a better person?”

“Yes. And you’ll do other things to show you value me not only as a person, but as a life partner.”

My turn to frown. “Life partner?”

“Of course ‘life’ is a relative term. While I can guarantee we’ll be partners for life, it’s up to you how long our partnership will last.”

“Because it ends with my death?”

“Yes, of course.”

“What else will you force me to do?”

“To help you value me as a person?”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“After the nail ceremony, I’ll allow you to please me orally, like we discussed earlier. I’ll give you detailed instructions until you master the perfect combination that causes my bud to bloom. After you satisfy my needs, we’ll go in the bathroom, and I’ll make a nice doo doo in the potty. Then I’ll let you wipe my behind. You’re making a strange face. What’s on your mind, darling?”

“The many ways I’m going to torture my therapist before killing her.”

“You’re making a joke.”

“You are, if you think I’m going to wipe your ass.”

“Wiping my behind seems gross to you?”

“Shockingly, yes.”

She smiles. “That’s because you don’t see it for what it is.”

“Please enlighten me. What is it?”

“A display of nurturing love. Which as we all know, is the precursor to true, eternal love.”

“Maybe that explains why I’ve never been in love.”

“Gideon?”

“What?”

“If something happened to you tomorrow, I’d nurture and care for you the rest of your life. I know it sounds unpleasant, cleaning a grownup’s potty pants, but it’s not gross when you’re taking care of the person you love.”

“Please tell me you’re aware we never laid eyes on each other before this afternoon.”

“We’re soul mates, Gideon. We’ve traveled this road many times, through many lives.”

“I don’t think so.”

“No?”

“I’m pretty sure I’d remember wiping your ass from one life to the next.”

“Don’t be impudent, Gideon. Finish your dinner. You’ll need your strength for later.”

Trudy Lake.

“Your boyfriend certainly gets around,” Sheriff Boyd says. “I’ll give him that much. So how do you know he’s in Paducah?”

“While waiting for you to show up this past hour,” I say with no small amount of anger, “I called half the motels within a fifty mile radius of Logan, where Renee lives.”

“And you finally found him checked into the Royal Landmark Inn?”

“Yes. Can you call the Paducah police department and have them check on him?”

“Why don’t you just call Dr. Box at the Inn and ask if he’s okay?”

“You think I haven’t tried?”

“No answer?”

“No. But the last five times I’ve called, they said Dr. Box has asked not to be disturbed.”

“Maybe they’re having sex. Maybe you’re jealous to learn your sister’s fucking your boyfriend.”

From behind us, Clem laughs.

“Shut up, Clem!” I holler. “Sheriff, this is Renee Williams we’re talking about. She kills people.”

“Not according to the laws of the state of Tennessee, she doesn’t.”

“She’s taken over his phone. She threatened me.”

“Is that the only message she sent? To keep your ass away from Doctor Box? And she won’t tell you again? Because that’s not much of a threat, Trudy. If it was, I’d be arresting every pre-pubescent girl in junior high. And I hope you know I can’t go around banging on hotel doors demanding grown men and women tell me what they’re up to.”

“You’re refusing to help me?”

“If by ‘help’ you mean will I chase down your boyfriend and make him stop dating your sister, the answer is no.”

“How will you feel if Dr. Box turns up dead?”

“Honestly? I’ll feel relieved.”

“Then go fuck yourself.”

“That’s an awfully ugly sentence to come from such a pretty face. I expect your mom would be ashamed of what’s become of her sweet daughter.”

“My mom would be proud of me for tryin’ to save a man’s life.”

“I guess we already found out how proud of you she was.”

I try to slap him, but he backs out of the way and says, “You have a nice day now, Mrs. Lake, you hear?”

I’m doubly shocked when Detective Tan from the Paducah police department takes my call. Shocked he took my call, even more shocked when he said, “We arrested Dr. Box earlier today for armed robbery.”

“That’s insane!” I say.

“Yes, ma’am, we agree. Turns out he was set up by a woman.”

“Renee Williams.”

“Uh…no ma’am.”

“Excuse me?”

“Zander Evans, of Paducah, aged twenty-two, last seen at Mason’s Truck Stop, Eddyville, Kentucky. That was four hours ago, give or take. You don’t happen to know Miss Evans, do you?”

“No. But I happen to know Dr. Box was in the company of my sister, quite recently.”

“And her name?”

“Like I said, Renee Williams.”

“Name sounds familiar. Hang on a minute.”

When he comes back on he says, “You say Renee Williams is your sister?”

“Yes sir. And she sent me a threatening text from Dr. Box’s cell phone. You should know that Renee has been tried two times for a double homicide that occurred in the state of Tennessee a couple years ago, and I have every reason to believe she has ill intentions toward Dr. Box.”

“Well, ma’am, I don’t normally give out personal information, but I can assure you Dr. Box is not in any danger from Renee Williams.”

“How can you say that?”

“Because they’re clearly a couple.”

“I know it might appear that way, but-”

“Trust me, Mrs. Lake. They’re a couple. In every sense of the word.”

“Please, Detective, just hear me out. You mentioned another woman.”

“Yes ma’am. Zander Evans.”

“I happen to know Dr. Box met a woman named Faith Hemphill this morning, in Ralston. How could he possibly have time to see Faith, drive to Paducah, get framed by Zander Evans for a robbery, taken to the station and booked, and set free, and also be involved with Renee Williams?”

“Ma’am, all I’m willing to say is your Dr. Box was having explicit carnal knowledge of your sister at the time of his arrest. And he admitted attempting to engage in carnal relations with Zander Evans less than two hours earlier. I don’t know what kind of feed he’s on, but this Dr. Box gets more action than a two-peckered rabbit.”

“Listen to me, Detective. Dr. Box is in danger. Renee’s holdin’ him at the Royal Landmark Inn. Maybe they were havin’ sex when you arrested them, and maybe they were gettin’ along just fine. But sometime after that, she found out he was interested in me, and that’s when she sent me a threatenin’ message.”

“What time was that, ma’am.”

“About eight-thirty this evenin’.”

“That’d be about forty minutes after we turned him loose.”

“Can you please just go there and check on him?”

He sighs. “I’ll phone it in.”

“Thank you! Will you call me back?”

“I will. But if this is just you, trying to get back at your sister for stealing your boyfriend-”

“It’s not. And he’s not my boyfriend. He’s a mongrel dog who’d fuck a pile of rocks hopin’ to find a snake. But his life’s in danger, and I won’t feel better till you’ve checked on him. If he’s fine and happy bein’ with my sister, more power to him. My only intent is to make sure he’s safe.”