Wolf Haas - Brenner and God

Interesting, though: it didn’t seem to him like he was sinking. More like the threat of death was sloshing up out of the earth to meet him. Like the threat to his life was inexorably rising, like sewer water, above his ankles, above his calves, above his knees, and not as if he were sinking ever deeper into the threat of death. Because our senses deceive us like crazy, especially considering the fumes. And even though he bellowed that he knew where Helena was and that she would die without him, it now seemed like he hadn’t said anything, because it only occurred to him once it was too late.

If there is such a thing! But I say it’s lucky that in such desperate situations, the human mind is prone to mercy. Just like how we often glorify things with age, and it wasn’t all that bad, when I was in the war I got to see Scandinavia, when I was in love I got to visit IKEA several times, just as the consoling brain sometimes arranges the world in such a way that lets us think we had an impact. And when someone has cancer, then we say, well, he could have prevented it, if he’d lived accordingly, because sunburn, alcohol, white flour, dark meat, dreary thoughts, and, and, and. Or canoodling with a smoker twenty-eight years ago, i.e., nobody but yourself to blame for tongue cancer. And with self-blame, everything’s instantly half as bad, because at least an impact was made. And so, with his senses dwindling, Brenner felt around for Knoll in the absolute darkness of the cesspit, and still managed to think: I only have myself to blame because I should have said that I have Helena. And so you see that in dying he was already entering the euphoric phase-and all because of self-blame-and that is the greatest fortune that you can have at the end of a fulfilled life.

Brenner was happy to meet someone he knew on the bottom of the cesspit, too. But not what you’re thinking, Knoll. Because after sixty seconds in a cesspit-you get what I mean? By that point a person’s generally resembling a gnat already, more soft wing tissue than legs and arms-eternal circulation more than crude perfection.

Now, who was it, if it wasn’t Knoll? Watch closely: believe it or not, there on the bottom of the cesspit Brenner met the good lord. Of course it was a surprise, don’t even ask. Well, for Brenner a surprise, not for the good lord, of course. He smiled benevolently from the other side of the cesspit, which seemed about as far away to Brenner now as the other end of a swimming pool. But regardless, no doubt who the man was. The very fact that he glowed. Iridescent understatement! You can’t even imagine what a Hello that was for Brenner. Because first of all, he never really expected to meet the good lord even once-and if he did, then he expected a nice setting, with trumpets, with fanfare, with candlelight, with menus, with virgins, and, and, and. But no, Brenner thought-and he had to do a double take, he was so surprised to meet him in this unseemly place- in a cesspit, covered in seven feet of shit, I meet the good lord.

Interesting, though: the surprise visit didn’t make Brenner nervous. Not even as the good lord came closer now. And one thing you can’t forget: he moved insanely fast, he traveled faster than a light in the dark. And the closer he came, the better Brenner felt. Because the good lord, of course-charisma, don’t even ask. To him, the lackluster surroundings didn’t matter one bit. You hear that again and again, the real celebrities are uncomplicated. Prime example right now: the good lord. He just smiled when Brenner said, “So you do exist!”

To be perfectly honest, a slight note of indignance accompanied the surprise in Brenner’s voice. “If I had known in my youth,” he said to the good lord, “I would’ve had the girls lined up!” But then it didn’t seem that important for him to complete the sentence anymore, and he thought to himself, forget about it, main thing, don’t let the opportunity go to waste. Just a pity that I can’t tell anyone else now what a good guy he is!

But “pity” and “reproach” and “main thing,” the whole “alas” and “thank god,” didn’t mean anything real to Brenner anymore. You should know, when you’re sitting in the good lord’s lap, the earthly matters slip right past you. The MegaLand stooges up above were already irrelevant to him, he wasn’t even mad at them because-great terms with the good lord.

He only got angry when they pulled him out at the last second. And when his mind started up again, its explanations immediately kicked in, too, i.e., the light that Brenner had seen was only the light of day that he’d been heaved back into. His feeling of happiness was only triggered by the pleasant sensation of being lifted up and out of the cesspit. And the good lord’s swift approach must have been triggered by his encounter with Congressman Stachl, who-just as Brenner was being brought back into the light-flew past him into the cesspit.

It happens that fast in life. Congressman Stachl had just been standing up there among the people who were trying at all costs to find out where Brenner was keeping the video, and now he was the one lying in the cesspit and Brenner was back up above. Fortunately, Brenner’s promise of information about Helena’s whereabouts proved to be of greater interest to Kressdorf than the million-euro project after all, because-paternal instincts.

And when Congressman Stachl refused to haul Brenner back out, Kressdorf got his hunting rifle from the house and struck the congressman so forcefully on the back of the head that they later determined from the autopsy that Stachl hadn’t drowned in the cesspit at all, but arrived there with his neck already broken. And so you see once again how much truth there is in the saying practice makes perfect. Say what you will about it. Because with Knoll they determined that Kressdorf had only knocked him out with the hunting rifle and it was in the cesspit that he died.

But don’t go thinking that the two musclemen blindly listened to Kressdorf and pulled Brenner back out again. The opposite. It got to be much too much for them once Kressdorf completely lost it and went for the congressman. They realized right away, of course, that they couldn’t rely on Kressdorf anymore. And not on their stake in MegaLand either, since he was putting the project at risk. Watch closely. With a shotgun pointed at them, he had to force them to pull Brenner back out and untie him there beside the cesspit.

I’ve thought about it a lot since then, and I can thoroughly understand Kressdorf taking such drastic action, given that he’d learned just two days earlier that Helena wasn’t his biological daughter. Now he saw his one and only chance to take back his fatherhood with force, by doing away with the sperm donor and rescuing Helena. And one thing you can’t forget: after he’d clocked Knoll for rubbing it in his face that he wasn’t even the father of his own daughter, it would’ve been pointless for Kressdorf to stop halfway.

Brenner, of course, wasn’t waiting a moment’s thought on these things now. He wasn’t even aware at first that he was back up above. His senses hadn’t completely returned to him yet when the shot rang out. And one thing you can’t forget: a hunting rifle’s always a loud shot. But that’s not to say that Kressdorf was shooting into the air with his hunting rifle in order to return Brenner to his senses now-wake the dead, as it were. Quite the contrary. Kressdorf was helping his security boss-who didn’t want to resuscitate Brenner-to quit smoking once and for all, i.e., shot him right in the lungs. And then the foreman did it gladly, though it was no pretty task, because let’s put it this way: Brenner had more freckles on his face than the man who was respirating him. The foreman only did it because his boss was holding a shotgun to his head. But if you’re saying, that’s despicable, then I unfortunately have to tell you, this was still the nice part of the story.