Parnell Hall - The Underground Man

“And Carl?”

“Carl too, but he’s a numbnuts, you know? Well, they all are, but Carl in particular, you know what I mean?”

“Yeah. So what happened with Julie?”

“About what you’d expect. Jason and Fred start working on Uncle Jack, trying to poison him against her. I tell you, it didn’t work. He just got pissed off. Clammed up more than ever. Told them to fuck off.

“That’s when they got smart. Instead of working on him, they started working on her. Not directly, you know. They hired a private dick to dig into her background. The guy nosed around, and it turned out there was something to find.

“This woman-Julie Creston-she was an actress. Turns out Creston was her stage name. Her real name was Harwell. She was from Minnesota. Came out here when she was young, tried to make it as an actress. Evidently had a rough time getting started. Anyway, about twenty years ago she’s busted twice for prostitution.”

Steve nodded. “I see.”

“Yeah,” Jeremy said. “So did Fred and Jason. When they found out, they figured they hit the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. They took the report and gave it to Uncle Jack.”

“What happened?”

“He hit the ceiling. Went bananas. Screaming. Cursing. I was upstairs in my room, I still heard him. He laid it on the line. If they ever mentioned it again, if he ever heard one word of this, he’d kill them.”

“So what happened then?”

“Then they did what they should have done in the first place. From their point of view, I mean-really they shouldn’t have done nothing, it was none of their business. Anyway, instead of going to him they went to her.” Jeremy shrugged. “At least that’s what I figure they did.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I didn’t actually hear them talking about it. All I know is what happened.”

“What was that?”

“Julie disappeared.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Uncle Jack went to see her, she was gone. Packed up. Moved out. No forwarding address.

“So the way I see it, Jason and Fred went to her, dangled that report in front of her face. Told her they’d smear her with it.”

“How could they do that if Uncle Jack didn’t care?”

“Yeah, but she didn’t know that. And she was working now. As an actress, I mean. She’d done an Equalizer, a Kate and Allie. Probably told her they’d sell her story to the National Enquirer.”

Steve frowned. “That’s pretty thin.”

“Well, it worked. When Uncle Jack went to look for her, she was gone.

“Well, that’s when the shit hit the fan. Uncle Jack came back, gave us all hell. Never seen a man so mad. Screaming. Cursing. His face was bright red, his veins popping out of his forehead. I thought he’d have a stroke.

“And he’s ordering everybody out of the house. ‘Get out of my house!’ that’s what he said. Over and over. ‘I want you out!’”

“Did they go?”

“Are you kidding? They told him he was an old man, he didn’t know what he was talking about.

“Well, they knew what he was talking about, all right. They just didn’t believe him. Didn’t think he was serious. I didn’t either, frankly. I mean, he was just upset. He couldn’t really mean it.

“But the next day it was the same thing. He’d calmed down, but he hadn’t changed his mind. It was his house, we could damn well get the hell out.

“Of course, nobody listened to him. Nobody took him seriously.

“After a while he gave up. Stopped talking about it. Everybody figured it had blown over.

“Next thing you know, a moving van’s pulling up outside. The guys are packing up Uncle Jack’s stuff, putting it on the truck. That’s how we found out he’s sold the house.

“Well, naturally Jason and Fred are hysterical. What’s happening? Where’s he moving to?

“Found out he’s not moving anywhere. His stuff’s just going into storage.

“Jason says, ‘You’re crazy. Where you gonna live?’ Uncle Jack say he don’t give a shit, he’d rather live on the subways than with him.

“So that’s it. The moving van packs up and goes. Uncle Jack leaves with ‘em. Two days later the new owner shows up with the papers, tells us we got till the end of the month to pack up and get out.”

Jeremy stopped and looked at Steve. “So you see, he’s not crazy. Not like they said. He had a reason for what he did.

“So, whaddya think? Can you get him out?”

Steve frowned. “I don’t know. The way you tell it, it’s a sympathetic story, makes a good case. Will you testify to all that?”

Jeremy looked horrified. “Christ no. Are you kidding? These guys may be creeps, but they’re family. I gotta live with them. Shit no, they can’t even know I talked to you. I played hooky to come here. I should be in school now. It’s no big deal-I done it before-so even if the school calls home, they won’t figure I’m here. They won’t know.

“And they don’t have to know, do they? ’Cause I’m not asking you to do anything for me. It’s all for Uncle Jack.

“So will you do it? Will you get him out?”

Steve frowned. He looked at Jeremy, who was gazing up at him like an expectant puppy asking to be walked.

An expectant puppy with green hair and an earring.

Steve shook his head. “I’m not sure I can,” he said.

“All right. But will you try?”

Steve sighed. “Yeah. I’ll try.”

Mark Taylor flopped his bulk into the clients’ chair, pulled out his notebook and said, “Shoot.”

“I’ve got two jobs for you,” Steve said. “One’s easy, one’s hard.”

“I like the sound of the hard one.”

“Why’s that?”

“More money in it. You got a big retainer?”

“No.”

“Then I like it less. What’s up?”

“Remember the homeless millionaire?”

“Him again?”

“Yeah.”

“What about him?”

“He’s in Bellevue.”

“I’m not surprised. So?”

“So I gotta get him out.”

Taylor nodded. “That figures. I’m surprised the shrinks let him call you.”

“They didn’t.”

“No? Then how’d you hear about it?”

“From a kid with green hair.”

“What?”

Steve gave Mark Taylor a rundown on his meeting with Jeremy Dawson. Taylor listened without interrupting, adding an occasional grunt or writing an occasional note.

When Steve was finished, Taylor said, “O.K., what’s my end of this?”

“Julie Creston.”

“What about her?”

“Find her.”

“How?”

“You’re the detective. I’m just a lawyer. You got her stage name, her real name, some shows she was in, and a couple of hooker busts. You even know where she came from. She might have just gone home.”

“Yeah, and she might not,” Taylor said. “And this was months ago. By now in all probability she’s in another state doing another job under another name.”

“I thought you liked the hard ones, Mark. More money and all that.”

“Yeah. But I like to get results. O.K. I’ll put some men on it. So what’s the easy job?”

“That is the easy job, Mark.”

“You’re kidding.”

Steve grinned. “Yes, I am. That’s the hard job. The easy job is a piece of cake.” Steve jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Tracy’s typing up a writ of habeas corpus for Jack Walsh. When she’s finished, I need to have it served.”

Taylor nodded. “Can do. What happens then?”

“Then we got a dogfight. The hospital will resist it and we’ll wind up with a competency hearing.”

“How does that work?”

“I don’t know. I never had one.”

“So how you gonna handle it?”