Colin Cotterill - Killed at the Whim of a Hat

“I don’t th — ”

“In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if she wasn’t masterminding the whole carnapping caper and I bet she had a whole network of poor but dishonest couples out scamming rental companies. They’d drive the stolen vehicles to her place and she’d traffic them on to Malaysia or over to Cambodia or she’d break them down for parts.”

“But presumably not bury them underground.”

“What? All right. That doesn’t make sense, but — ”

“I’m losing faith in your instincts.”

“No, keep listening. One couple screws her out of some money so she makes an example of them. Lets all the other gang members know that insubordination won’t be tolerated. She gathers her people around her at the fish pond, slowly lowers the VW into the water. The doors taped shut. Everybody gets the point. She values loyalty. They walk away like relatives after a funeral.”

“One or two bubbles rise from the pond,” said Chompu, dramatically, “then it is still. A lone white tern takes off and we follow it out to sea. It would make a stunning final scene for the movie version. I see Meryl Streep as the Godmother. They can do wonders with make-up now.”

“It’s a hypothesis. You have to start with a hypothesis.”

“What did that poor little old lady do to you?”

“She glared at my running shoes disrespectfully.”

“Oh, well. That’s it then. Send in the SWAT team.”

“OK, your turn.”

“Do I have to?”

“It’s a deal.”

“Very well. The lab at the barracks in Prajuab is stiflingly hot and showed distinct lack of artistic input in the decoration. The lighting was abysmal. They had our two skeletons side by side on one trestle table. It was quite sweet. I wanted to interlock their fingers but I was watched all the time. I wasn’t convinced they’d got the puzzle exactly right. We’d sent the couple mingled so I wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d just thrown them together, first come first served. One of the technicians kept referring to a textbook, for goodness’ sake. He was pretending to educate me as to this or that phenomenon but I got the feeling he was checking his own work. They couldn’t tell me a thing about the cause of demise apart from the fact that they weren’t chainsawed, axed or machine-gunned to death. Nor were there any arrows or spears sticking out of them. Nor were they the victims of explosions or bone-eating diseases. But, in fairness, they were certain these two hadn’t died of old age. The textbook confirmed for me that they were quite young, early twenties.”

“So, in summary, it was a complete waste of a drive.”

“Not at all.”

“How so?”

“I was on my way out through security and this swarthy, top-heavy army captain came running after me. I assumed he was taken by my good looks and wanted my telephone number, but he had a large manila folder in his hand and he asked me, ‘Are you the lieutenant from Lang Suan’ My reputation had preceded me. I smiled and said ‘Yes’. Then he handed me the envelope and asked me to drop it off to Major General Suvit. I did my terribly formal salute for him and he didn’t know whether to nod or wag his tail so he saluted back and turned on his heel and fled. Not for the first time in my life, I didn’t realize exactly what a prize I held in my hand. I assumed it wasn’t terribly important because it wasn’t sealed, just tied with one of those string thingies.”

“But even with the pressure of such a temptation, you didn’t take a peek?”

“Of course I did. I mean, he didn’t make me swear not to look, did he? And it didn’t say, ‘For the eyes of Major General Suvit only’ And, knowing the military, it might have contained something illicit. It was my duty to look. And what do you think it contained?”

“I give up.”

“I’ll give you a clue or two: knife, blood, abbot…Oh, come on, you must have it by now.”

“I thought they’d sent the body to Bangkok.”

“It appears the legal system in the capital is busy at the moment so they rerouted Abbot Winai to Prajuab.”

I scraped my chair close and he winced at the noise.

“All right. What did they find?” I whispered.

“I’m not sure I can tell you.”

“You’d sooner face the embarrassment of being beaten up by a girl?”

“That was threatening behavior toward a police officer. I could arrest you for that.”

“Chompu?”

“All right, but this really is not for publication. Thirteen stab wounds, no less. Seven were postmortem.”

“No!”

“All stomach and groin. Long, very sharp knife. Blade about thirty centimeters.” I knew that. I’d seen it. “Perpetrator probably shorter than the victim, left handed, no defense wounds so the abbot was, no doubt, taken by surprise.” I knew that, too. Shock, more like it. Completely bemused, but, as I recalled it then, not fearful. Just a look of resignation. And I doubted the killer was left handed. He just needed his right hand free to take pictures. “Victim otherwise in good shape. Died from exsanguination. No other marks on the body.”

“What do you make of it?” I asked him.

“From what little I know of the case I’d say the killer wanted to make a point. The first two wounds would have done the job so this was a statement. ‘Look what I’ve done.’ There was something bottled up inside the killer that needed to be let out. There’s madness there.”

“Do you think another abbot could have done it?”

“No.”

His answer was crisp and definite.

“Then why do you think the head of Wat Feuang Fa is still a suspect?”

“If he is, and I’d have to take your word for it because nobody tells me anything, it’s because A, he has a motive, or B, he’s the only suspect they have.”

That was a bull’s-eye on both.

“I don’t believe he did it but all they’d need is a murder weapon,” he said, “and your Abbot Kem is well and truly defrocked.”

I arrived home just in time to start preparing lunch. I wondered whether my family might just happily starve to death if I didn’t bother to come home again. The nearest pizza restaurant that delivered was four and a half hours away. I’d even checked how far they’d be prepared to go. I tell you, I don’t make long-distant calls just to get laughed at. That was the last hint of business they’d see from me. I was exhausted. I thought of all the male crime reporters around the country returning home about now to those wives in Understanding Thailand who greeted them with a smile and a table of food. Why didn’t I have a wife like that?

I would start on the mackerel. I was sure they’d missed me, whereas Arny walked past and ignored me completely. I’d had the truck all morning, preventing him from going to his gym. I knew he’d be mad. Mair was in the shop slicing huge banana bunches into smaller banana bunches and writing the price, 5 baht , on the skins. Everybody in Maprao had banana trees so I couldn’t think who’d buy any. Across the road, Granddad Jah was sitting under the banana leaf roof on the bamboo platform watching traffic.

I had nobody to tell about my morning. I’d been a busy investigator. There were four hotels and seven resorts in or around Lang Suan, eight if you included ours, but I can’t think why you would. After leaving the police station at Pak Nam I visited every one of them. I could have flashed my press card with my finger over the expiration date and gone that route, but I was sure the police would have been there already and told them to get in touch if anyone came nosing around. Someone would always call if they were approached by the press.