Tim Vicary - A Game of Proof

But as Sarah reached the door, Emily said: ‘If he did do it, though, I’d want him to be locked up for ever. He’d deserve that, even though he’s my brother. I wouldn’t want any clever lawyer to get him off when he’s guilty, like you do sometimes.’

Sarah went out and shut the door behind her. Outside in the corridor, she leant her back against the wall, and slid slowly to the floor, until her hands clasped her knees in a foetal position. I can’t cope with this, she thought, this isn’t supposed to happen to lawyers. This is the sort of things clients’ families go through. Now I know why so many of them go crazy. It hurts too much.

Much, much too much.

Bob showed no surprise to find her at home. She was slumped in an armchair, staring out at the weeping willow in the garden. There was a plastic bag on the carpet beside her. Classical music was playing softly, and she had a glass in her hand, as she occasionally did after a hard day at work. He crossed the room and poured a small whisky for himself.

‘Where’s Emily?’

‘Upstairs, working. She’s going out with Larry in half an hour.’

‘In the middle of her exams? Is that wise?’

Sarah shrugged. ‘She’s been working all afternoon, Bob. Anyway there’s something I need to talk to you about and it’d be better if she weren’t here.’

Bob frowned. ‘Sounds ominous.’

‘What isn’t, these days?’

‘I’ll go up and talk to her now, then. See how she got on.’

‘OK.’ As he went upstairs Sarah took her drink into the garden. At the end of the lawn was the gate leading into the field by the river. Only a few days ago, she thought, I was out there wondering if Emily’d thrown herself into the water. Now I can imagine doing the same myself. How do people drown themselves, anyway? Do you just dive down and breathe water instead of air? It wouldn’t work. You might want to die, but your body would panic and resist. You have to fight on, however bad you feel. That’s just the way it is.

When Bob came down, she told him what she’d decided to say.

‘Emily said something earlier that made me think. She said that families often split up because of the pressure of some traumatic event from outside. She’d read it in a book, poor kid, but it might be true for all that. The other day you told the police about Simon hitting Jasmine, and I said you’d betrayed him. But …’ She paused; it was so hard to admit this. ‘You had to do it, I see that now. You had no choice.’

It was not what Bob had expected. All day he’d been thinking, this is how marriages end. First with a row about something fundamental in which both partners think they’re right, followed by a physical separation, then a fight for the affections of your children, ending if you’re unlucky with a complete loathing and hatred of the person you once loved. And it must be so lonely. So when he’d seen her there with a drink in her hand he’d been sure she had come to make a formal beginning of the process. Now this instead. He was hugely relieved.

‘What … makes you say that?’

‘I’ve thought about it. And — something’s happened.’ She picked up the plastic bag, and told him — about the hood and ring in the shed, Simon’s response, and the decision she had made at the transport cafe. It was hard for him to take in at first.

‘And this is why you came back?’

‘Yes. Well, not the only reason. But you see, I thought the right thing to do — to protect Simon — was to chuck it in the bin, just as I thought the right thing for you to do was to keep quiet about that old man. But then when I tried … I couldn’t do it. It’s harder than I thought; it must have been like that for you too. So one thing is — sorry.’

He hadn’t expected that either. It was not a word Sarah used often. And Simon, he knew, was very important to her indeed.

‘I’ve been thinking too,’ he said slowly. ‘I don’t feel proud of what I did. I wish I’d never met the old sod.’

‘But you did. And once you know a thing like that, you can’t un-know it.’

‘True. Especially when a girl’s dead.’ He sighed, staring out of the window where the sunset lit the tops of the trees, and the birds were letting rip with a tumultuous evening chorus. ‘I suppose that’s why I did it, really. Because of Jasmine’s family. Suffering as we might have done if Emily had died.’

‘Yes,’ Sarah murmured. ‘And if it had been Emily, I’d kill anyone who covered things up. That’s all she has left now, Mrs Hurst — the right to know what happened.’

‘So what are you going to do?’ Bob looked at the plastic bag.

‘Talk to you about it, first. If this thing isn’t going to tear us apart, we’ve got to decide together. All right so far?’

‘So far, so good. Yes.’

‘Don’t mock me, Bob, this is deadly serious. Now, there are three possibilities.’

Here comes the lecture, Bob thought. It’s how her mind works.

‘ One , I take them to Lucy. She’s Simon’s lawyer, she can decide. But wouldn’t I just be passing the buck to her, tempting her to conceal it as I was tempted myself?’

‘Maybe. What’s number two?’

‘ Two , I put them back where they were, and say nothing. Then the police either find the things for themselves or they don’t. That way, if I’ve wiped my fingerprints off the ring, they don’t know I’ve ever seen them.’

‘And the third?’

‘The one that scares me to death. I ring up the police and hand these things over myself.’

‘I see.’ Bob scratched his chin thoughtfully. ‘And which do you think is right?’

‘That’s what I hoped you’d tell me. What would you do?’

‘Well …’ he hesitated. ‘You’ve tried getting rid of them yourself, and failed. And if you give them to Lucy, I can see you’re just passing the buck. Like you are with me.’

‘You’re my husband! Bob!’

‘Yeah, okay, it’s different. But if he really did these things, Sarah, then haven’t we got a duty to tell the police? I mean, Jasmine’s dead — and there may be more girls. Kids like Emily.’

‘You don’t really believe he’s like that, Bob. Do you?’

‘We’re not talking about what I believe,’ he said desperately. ‘We’re talking about what to do with the evidence.’

‘True.’ She got up and strode distractedly round the room. ‘Look, Bob, I can’t hand this stuff over, I simply can’t. Any more than I could throw it away this afternoon.’

‘So you’re going to put it back. That’s all that’s left, isn’t it?’

Sarah ran a hand through her hair. ‘Well, I can’t just turn him in. He’s my son. On the other hand I’m not hiding or destroying anything, I’m just putting it back where the police can find it if they do their job properly. That’s all.’

‘And if it goes wrong, and they find out?’ Bob asked. ‘I can see the headlines now. York Barrister Hides Evidence To Save Killer Son . Is that what you want?’

‘It’s a risk I’ll have to run, that’s all. There are risks with all of this.’

‘So if that’s your decision, what do you want from me?’ Bob asked slowly. ‘After all, you’ve told me now.’

‘I want your love and support, Bob.’ Then she realized what was implied in his last words. ‘And your promise to say nothing. You couldn’t — you won’t ring them yourself?’

‘You said you wouldn’t burden Lucy with this knowledge. But you’ve burdened me.’

The comment terrified Sarah, like a cold hand round her heart. She had come here for support, and now this. She stared at him bleakly.

‘If you tell them, Bob, we really are finished. This is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do and it’s tearing me apart. I’m risking my whole career for this, everything I’ve worked for since I was a kid. But he’s my son, Bob! I need your support.’