Colin Cotterill - Love Songs from a Shallow Grave

I am in the stairwell now, sitting on a step among other debris like myself. I feel like I have been dragged across broken masonry by a team of drunken asses. Indeed I have. My dance with the twig took more out of me than I have to spare. My journey thus far has taken me past three classrooms whose bright lights chiselled out the shape of the doors. From one I heard sobs. The others were silent. Then I passed the room with Teachers' Common Room written in French in grand letters above the door. That was the room they'd taken me to. The business room. It was dark now. Torment is obviously a nine-to-five job. The torturers had hung up their claw hammers and headed off home to play with the kids. Stroke the dog. Kiss the wife.

"How was your day, dear?"

"You know. The usual."

They don't need night sentries at a place like this. One old twig should do the job. The guests are either dead or broken. My feet appear to be bleeding. I should have taken the jailer's sandals. Smashed glass everywhere. My jungle-hardened feet have become soft after two years in Vientiane. Soft, like my old head. I bleed and I sit and I breathe and another burst of energy arrives. Perhaps I can make it to the ground floor.

As I work my way down I wonder what they'll ask me at my interview as I pass through the other world.

"So, Yeh Ming, we see you almost got out of S21."

"Yeah. I killed a man."

"Just the one?"

What kind of a question is that? Of course just one. Surely they don't count death by omission? Damn it. I bet they do. They're tough, these overlords. And they're right, of course.?

I brought the keys with me in case there's a gate or another locked door but it takes me another ten minutes to get back to my corridor and to the burning lights. I know I'll regret this decision but it wouldn't be the first time. I'm mad, don't forget. Irrational. They'll smudge over this in my obituary. I open the first door like Alice, not knowing what world I'll find there. There are three men inside. One is awake and alert. He looks at me with surprise. Another is only half-conscious. He seems to come round as I walk into the room. A third looks dead.

I smile but I'm unable to answer their questions. I hand the hex key to the first prisoner and I check the pulse of the third. Prisoner one unlocks himself and his colleague but there is no point in freeing the third man. I recognised his spirit amongst my classmates. I believe the only chance we have of escape is for us to stick together but I can't convey this thought to these men. The second prisoner, now conscious, ignores me and limps from the room. I personally think this is a bad option but look where my decisionmaking has led me. That leaves me and prisoner one, whom I shall call Thursday. I have no idea what day it is but Thursday was my birthday. It's also the day Madame Daeng puts special number 2 noodles on the menu. It's a good day.

Thursday and I go together to the second room. Adrenalin has recharged me and my hands are steady now. I can unlock the door without dropping the keys. Inside is a pitiful sight. A woman in her late twenties. Beside her, chained to the same pipe is a child of around three. Both mother and child are bruised. Thursday unlocks them, whispering words of encouragement as he does so. He helps her stand and carries the child out the door.

The stench from the third room tells me that it probably isn't a good idea to go in. I gesture for my fellow escapees to stand back and I open the door. I'm a hard man to astonish, really I am. But the sight I see there takes away what final breath I have. Chained to a floor pipe at the centre of the room is my heavy monk friend. He looks up at me with those same pitiful eyes. But I can tell you, this isn't one of his staged dramas. This is as real as it can be. Filed around the room like stacks of tapped rubber are twenty, perhaps thirty bodies in various states of decomposition. Two are attached on short chains to the big man's ankles. He has been beaten. His fingers are bloody.

He speaks first in Khmer, then in French;

"Help me?"

I glare down at him. I hate the man with all my heart but I am not given to revenge. I remove the key from the chain and place it several metres beyond his reach. I tell him how to retrieve it and walk to the door. Nobody deserves to be punished without humanity in this life. He will meet his demons in a future incarnation. I turn back and look at the bodies and I am embarrassed to think of Voltaire at such a moment. I'm afraid that by evoking the words of the writer I might condemn him to the same fate as the books from the library, and the Catholic cathedral and the dove that was just feathers on a rib cage. But he was right.

"One owes respect to the living but to the dead, one owes nothing but the truth."

I wonder how long these dead souls might have to search for that truth or whether they will understand it when it's found. I don't ask the monk what he's doing there because, in my mind, I know. The gaolers are turning on their own kind. The monster has already started to consume its tail. It's only a question of time before there is nothing left.

We are at the bottom of the staircase now, me, my man Thursday and mother and child. The effort of reaching the ground floor has drained me dry. My breath sounds like waves hitting a pebble beach. I don't think I can go on. I need a nice glass of port and eight hours on a soft bed. But the omens bode well. We haven't heard the sound of our desperate prisoner friend being cut down in his escape. In fact we haven't heard anything. I'm starting to believe my skinny guard was the only man on duty this night. There are no lights on this level. We pause at the rear exit. Thursday seems to be in charge now. I'm glad. He listens then gestures for us to follow across the muddy yard of the school. The grass is up to our knees. I can't feel my feet but I have a rhythm now. And we are making good time when Thursday suddenly stops and looks down. I catch up and I look down also. Lying in the thick grass in front of us is a body with a bayonet wedged between its shoulder blades. The blood is still fresh.

Thursday looks at me and sighs. We both know who it is. His cellmate hadn't made it to the fence. I hear a laugh from the shadows of the building behind us and a very slow, drawn-out 'tut, tut, tut' like a disappointed clock. I turn to see the smiley man illuminated only by the lights from above. He is swaying like a boatman. He is shirtless and my talisman hangs around his neck and swings from side to side. He walks slowly towards me, uncoordinated, drunk, and I stagger forward to intercept him. Perhaps I can give my comrades a chance to get away. In silhouette against the dimly lit school, the smiley man would make a remarkable cover for a French noir comic book. The pistol solid in his hand. Black blood specks across his chest. No features visible on his head save a grey smile. Yes, sir, he's a natural.

"You are a terrible disappointment, Dr Siri Paiboun," he slurs.

I laugh. Perfect. What an epitaph. What a way to go.

The smiley man takes one more step, so close now I can smell booze on his breath. He hooks one arm around my neck and pulls my head to him. He lifts his gun and shoots. The last thing I hear is the explosion. It thumps into my temple but I feel nothing. It's all over. One second you are, and then you aren't. Is this the way it's supposed to be, my spirit fellows?

After several days of pressure from the Lao politburo, the Democratic Kampuchean embassy in Vientiane was finally prepared to make an announcement. Those in attendance were representatives from the Ministries of Defence and Foreign affairs, Judge Haeng from Justice, a clerk of the central committee, an interpreter, Madame Daeng and, at her insistence, Comrade Civilai. For two days they had been haggling over a location for the meeting. As the Lao refused to go to the shopfront embassy of the Khmer, and the Khmer Rouge ambassador refused to be dragged 'like a goat' in front of the Lao, their first secretary and a soldier arrived at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs with a typed statement. This was the first and only comment on the disappearance of Dr Siri.